Let's all laugh at the Universal Dark Universe

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Frankly, I would love it if they ditched the conservatism and went for a bunch of wild and disparate styles with these things (e.g. a sleazy low-budget Cohen/Henenlotter-esque Wolfman, a taut and hyper-stylized political thriller Invisible Man, a crazy psychedelic neo-giallo Frankenstein) instead of the 'grey and foreboding boilerplate action movie with a single translucent coat of horror' template that they clearly will be using to punch these things out.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 10:27 (two years ago) link

Wake me when we have Dracula vs. Kong.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 11:25 (two years ago) link

universal also owns the rights to the fast and furious series, just sayin'

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 11:42 (two years ago) link

Frankenstein Drift

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 11:52 (two years ago) link

god i very badly wanna see vin diesel scrap with the creature from the black lagoon

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:00 (two years ago) link

FYI for those unaware, the next film in the saga is Bride of Frankenstein. Before they've made a Dark Universe version of Frankenstein, yes. And they apparently do have Phantom of the Opera and the Hunchback of Notre Dame lined up. I kinda don't even know what to say. Good luck, I guess?

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:11 (two years ago) link

I do hope that there's a slew of quickie rip-off adaptations of these public domain properties released around the same time that totally muddy the waters of this endeavor.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:16 (two years ago) link

phantom and hunchback aren't even really canonical 'universal monsters' ffs

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:17 (two years ago) link

I do hope that there's a slew of quickie rip-off adaptations of these public domain properties released around the same time that totally muddy the waters of this endeavor.

ilx pre-covers the universal dark universe?

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:18 (two years ago) link

Why not! Dust off your camcorders, folks.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 12:46 (two years ago) link

I want a movie in which Mary Shelley, Bram Stoker, H. G. Wells, R. L. Stevenson, Victor Hugo, and Gaston Leroux are awakened from the grave to reclaim their intellectual property.

jmm, Wednesday, 7 June 2017 13:17 (two years ago) link

yes turn movies into the news what a great idea it will take no imagination at all

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, June 6, 2017 8:16 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Right? When have monster movies or horror films ever dealt with the cultural zeitgeist or deep-seated social anxieties? The George Romero "Dead" movies were not in any way metaphorical, nor was the original "Godzilla."

Old Lynch's Sex Paragraph (Phil D.), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 13:23 (two years ago) link

"The Host" also had nothing whatsoever to say about American militarism and imperialism, it was just a monster movie and THAT'S ALL.

Old Lynch's Sex Paragraph (Phil D.), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 13:29 (two years ago) link

I mean, also, they'll probably manage to mess up the psychological metaphors that are there already in the classic films

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:33 (two years ago) link

By changing things around a bit but not enough, so as with most re-makes you end up with slop

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:34 (two years ago) link

^ Trenchant

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:34 (two years ago) link

wat if Frankenstein but made by isis

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:38 (two years ago) link

dotor jekyll but good 1 is bad

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:40 (two years ago) link

Who is the real monster, Frankenstein or that guy who made him whose name I don't know?

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:19 (two years ago) link

invisible man but he's partially visible

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:39 (two years ago) link

I have seen the Dark Universe, yawning,
Where the blockbusters cruise without aim;
Where they cruise in their "horror" unneeded, each ghost held aloft by a name.

Beetle Juice continued to spit all over our drinks (contenderizer), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:59 (two years ago) link

Bride of Frankenstein, but also Frankenstein cuz she cannot decide on gender so he keeps taking out the stitches to swap out the junk.

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:47 (two years ago) link

Get thee to a Frankenhooker, Øystein.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:47 (two years ago) link

omg

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:49 (two years ago) link

It's not quite what you describe but there are indeed some Frankensteinian gender-swapping hijinks in that acclaimed film.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 19:01 (two years ago) link

universe where every1 is invisible xcept one guy and he is the visible man

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 11:58 (two years ago) link

Also it's Dark

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:23 (two years ago) link

"Truly, we humans were the real 'invisible man' after all."

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:47 (two years ago) link

"We have met the wolfman, and he is us."

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:53 (two years ago) link

'he who fights with universal monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a universal monster. and if you gaze long into a black lagoon, the creature also gazes into you'

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:56 (two years ago) link

"The only thing we have to fear is a dracula."

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:59 (two years ago) link

Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Igor is the bride.

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:06 (two years ago) link

lol @ bothering with this 'universe' crap for a load of long out of copyright characters

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:19 (two years ago) link

Ned probably started with that thread title, but crumpled it up

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:21 (two years ago) link

It was a process of experimentation

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:23 (two years ago) link

now i'm imagining ned working in the lab, late one night

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:24 (two years ago) link

Is anyone actually planning to see The Mummy?

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:27 (two years ago) link

*crickets*

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:32 (two years ago) link

even for slumming hollywood shit this is getting toxic reviews

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:33 (two years ago) link

It doesn't look even a little bit good or interesting. Universal's previous foray into Mummy-dom doesn't exactly give me any confidence that they're on the right track this time.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:34 (two years ago) link

Not so much for the sake of enjoying a schadenfreudegasm (which is just a pleasant side-effect), but I kinda want this to die on the vine in the hopes that these studios will stop thinking they can grow some expansive franchise out of a single, untested seed.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:38 (two years ago) link

i thought the first mummy reboot movie with brendan fraser was dumb fun, but there's nothing appealing about this one at all afaict

i only just found out russell crowe is in this as dr jekyll, which seems like a particularly egregious misuse of the shared-universe shoehorn

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:39 (two years ago) link

Whut

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:41 (two years ago) link

It's just kinda fucking dumb, too. Because he will surely only appear AS Dr. Jekyll, leaving us all to ponder HMMM WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH THIS MYSTERY MAN IN THE FUTURE, OH THE MYSTERY OF IT ALL.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:43 (two years ago) link

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It was great working with @RussellCrowe on #TheMummy (even though we were kicking each other's ass). pic.twitter.com/ZfPOWb7pVL

— Tom Cruise (@TomCruise) June 7, 2017

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:44 (two years ago) link

I think you mean licking, Tom.

Bernie Lugg (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

crowe's wearing one black glove in that fight scene so i assume he's already afflicted by monsterism

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

fuck i just remembered that benicio del toro's wolfman only came out a few years ago and tanked too - man, they're really intent on doing this until something, anything sticks, aren't they

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:47 (two years ago) link

xposts Oh, that's just Russell being Russell.

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/259/034/857.jpg

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:48 (two years ago) link

Yes, and when this one turfs out...well, obviously Bride of Frankenstein is the one that was REALLY intended to kick off the franchise. Naturally.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:49 (two years ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man, and though he is not thought to be part of this movie, Variety’s sources suggest it could happen in the future. The same goes for actors like Javier Bardem and even Cruise’s character: They could appear in future movies, but it’s not definite. For now, the idea is to encourage individual filmmakers to make great movies, and see what happens.

they will not appear in future movies

omar little, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:25 (ten months ago) link

https://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2017/05/31/31-universal-monsterverse-dark-universe.w700.h700.jpg

Ah yes, all your faves - there’s the mummy of course, and the Dracula, and the wolf man, and that must be the Frankenstein sitting down there, and who’s that on the end? Oh, how could I forget, the black lagoon!

Oh no wait it’s five checked-out randos. Can’t fucking wait for them to cross over with each other.

gray say nah to me (wins), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:25 (ten months ago) link

Russell Crowe with the expression of a man who's come home to see an uncut lawn and a terrified son

omar little, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:27 (ten months ago) link

That photo was edited together, iirc. Can't you just feel the chemistry?

jmm, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:29 (ten months ago) link

I watched The Mummy and it's remarkable how they took a plot that was about 3/4 of a movie and then slapped half of a different film into the middle of it and still somehow only came out with less than a single complete work

mh, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:36 (ten months ago) link

I've never heard of this thing, just clicked on the thread in the expectation that it was about laughing at the universally dark universe we all live in and got to say I'm pretty disappointed

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:40 (ten months ago) link

I was hoping for a debunking of dark matter a la string theory

david waster phallus (darraghmac), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:56 (ten months ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man


and now he’s the actor we all wish would disappear

maxwell’s silver hang suite (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:58 (ten months ago) link

Let's all bow our heads in honor of Camaraderie's thirst for humorous anomie.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:58 (ten months ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man

Pretty sure Johnny Depp is already playing the Invisible Man in most movies. He's usually just walking around in the background and stuff, but you kind of have to squint.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 28 January 2019 19:10 (ten months ago) link

one month passes...

I'm trying to think of a body of water that is hipper and fresher than the Black Lagoon.

― The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, June 13, 2017 12:16 PM (one year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The Creature from the Gowanus Canal? He's coming for your microbrews...and a hipster hottie in a vintage bathing suit?

In the meantime, the Invisble Man remake may have solved its Depp problem: https://www.cinemablend.com/news/2467738/the-invisible-man-reboot-may-have-found-its-first-new-star

Anne Hedonia (j.lu), Monday, 4 March 2019 20:20 (nine months ago) link

I hope they cast her as the titular star and still bafflingly go with The Invisible Man as the title.

Gary Ornmigh, Heywood's son (Old Lunch), Monday, 4 March 2019 20:25 (nine months ago) link

one month passes...

it's aliiiiiiiiive!

Elisabeth Moss, who was in early talks for Universal-Blumhouse’s The Invisible Man last month, is officially on board with the latest rendition of the classic monster character.

The project reps a re-team for Moss with producer Jason Blum after the recent $220M-global grossing success of Jordan Peele’s Us. Invisible Man will shoot in Australia. The opening weekend for Us became the highest-grossing ever for an original horror title.

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:48 (eight months ago) link

And prompted by the wild success of an original horror title, we've opted to produce the 415th film adaptation of a 150 year old horror property.

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:54 (eight months ago) link

laugh all you want, cynic, but i for one am excited about the possibility of elisabeth moss' invisible man going toe-to-toe with russell crowe's mr hyde and tom cruise's err whoever the fuck tom cruise was in the mummy

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:59 (eight months ago) link

The Daddy?

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 14:00 (eight months ago) link


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