The Interior Life of Noel Gallagher: A Speculative History

ppl who sign their tweets

william shatner used to always sign his tweets "MBB" for "my best, bill" but stopped doing so in recent years in his mid/late 80s.

maybe liam will catch on some day

real heads know it's the little kiss at the end that's the major headfuck here

There's been some great threads revived of late but the first section of this one with the actual interior life musings is an absolute trove and should be celebrated forever.

There's been some great threads revived of late

https://media1.giphy.com/media/A9ItXqic22f72/giphy.gif

Not all LG tweets are written by LG. Probably including many tweets signed LG.

Tbf, LG does write some of DT's.

Noel lay in the backyard hammock, reluctantly stirring his mango daiquiri. “Fookin MALEN! Are you taking the piss pet?” His wife shuffled over to him in her flip flops, petulantly removing his glass from the table. Several minutes later she plonked down a lukewarm can of Phuket Lager in front of him. He allowed himself a chuckle. She wasn’t bad our Malen. Nothing in common of course and she’d inadvertently thrown out the birthday stash Bonehead had brought over when he visited on holiday a few months back, but at least she wasn’t like them birds back home. He missed home. The lads. Pints. Singalongs to John Lennon on the jukebox. Not this fruity fookin gap year lookin CUNTville. Did they miss him? Fooksake cut that out Noel, ya right poof, he thought. Probably all listening to fookin YOKO now anyway, pack of wankers.

He switched on the TV, a jingle reminding him of a cracking night at the Hacienda in the summer of ‘88. Had he invented acid house? Possibly. Hard to tell really. Malen padded past in front of the telly and he picked up a handful of leftover canned mushy peas, tossing them in her direction. A dog-eared copy of Uncut magazine careered past his head, landing flayed and dishevelled on the floor like a felled Lancashire pheasant. It had opened to familiar pages, one of him and the lads, the other those poncy tosswanks from Blur. He grabbed the nearest pen to draw a cock on Damon’s face, but it was all facecocked out, so he settled for that Graham one. Aye he was alright, Graham. Shite at guitar but alright. He sat back and admired his handiwork. Nice one, he murmured. Still got it. “Oasis 1, Blah 0” he exclaimed proudly to Malen, who looked up from filing her nails to frown at him bemusedly. Fookin right yeah.

The woman down expat bakery had mistaken him for that poncy cunt Damon when Song 2 had played on the radio a few weeks back. Fuck em, he thought. “FUCK EM!” he bellowed. A hunchbacked old Thai man eyed him curiously from the shopfront across the road. Noel squinted at him, lips parted slightly, head cocked. The old man stared back blankly. “Fuck em, chuck”, Noel sneered softly.

Who was this bellend on the telly? “Ere our kid, have a look at this shitey cu…”

The words trailed off as he realised Liam wasn’t there. How many years had it been now? He briefly contemplated ringing the daft cunt. Then he remembered Liam didn’t answer the phone. Only used that rubbish Twitter. More like Twatter innit. Yeah right, nice one Noel ya mingin knobshite. He were past it, best left on the slag heap. He sat there feeling sorry for himself for a few minutes and then remembered Bonehead had left something else behind. Something not even Malen would find. Just the ticket. Go on my son. Fookin SORTED. A tuk tuk puttered past. In the distance, an elderly woman tended her crop. Noel helped himself to another line, bounced up, donned his favourite black leather jacket and swaggered out into the searing tropical streets. “LET’S AVE YA!”, he jeered, tucking his thumbs into the loops of his board shorts and thrusting out his hips. They can take the lad out of Madchester, he thought, shaking his head and beaming with a cheeky grin. A few locals glanced at him sideways. Bunch of Thai TWATS.

Had he invented acid house? Possibly.

A+

https://consequenceofsound.net/2017/05/famed-potato-noel-gallagher-threw-a-cocaine-themed-birthday-party/

This thread is Ronan's crowning achievement, surpassing even society is in the gutter.

omg those birthday party pictures

Who the fuck in there rite mind broadcasts there having a cocaine themed party that's asking for a tug anyways as you were LG x

— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) May 19, 2017

'that's asking for a tug'? is he suggesting his brother is looking for handjobs from guests?

This thread is Ronan's crowning achievement, surpassing even society is in the gutter.

otm

every time he tweets "as you were lg x" i imagine him doing that monkey swagger madchester thing and strolling off.

This thread is Ronan's crowning achievement, surpassing even society is in the gutter.

― gass mccoombes (qiqing), Tuesday, May 30, 2017 11:08 PM (two months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

cosign, it is one of my favorite ever things

Liam Gallagher calls it quits and walks off stage after 3 songs at Lollapalooza pic.twitter.com/aI7DeOVTJo

— Oasis Mania (@OasisMania) August 3, 2017

festivals are so much fun

Liam was always doing that back in the oasis days. Was the catalyst for Noel starting singing lead on songs. The way Liam sings it seems fairly reasonable that he fucks his voice so often mind you (Noel would suggest he was being lazy).

Earnest discussion of oasis over

Lol @ "rock 'n' roll" sign

omg that "fuck you Liam" chant might be one of the saddest, most pathetic things i've ever heard

putting the lol back in lollapalooza

Mans not hot... the ting goes pa pa pa as you were LG x

— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) September 6, 2017

I've watched this video of Liam Gallagher making his own cup of tea every day for a week now pic.twitter.com/xlVh7Q1SEg

— Chris Somerville (@chrisomerville) September 19, 2017

a+

it's almost eerie

Still got it.

Had this been around earlier, a screencap of this would definitely have been the pre-cover album cover.

this is a real thing, apparently?

https://exclaim.ca/images/oasis_6.jpg

in

In?

huh?

this concludes the three-post summary of the thread

noel, liam, paul

I didn't know that Lena Dunham in 2018 had done that.

I've been listening to The Jam's LP ALL MOD CONS and remembering how in about 1999 (?), Oasis covered two of the songs on a TV programme. Especially grating was the memory of Noel G playing 'to be someone': here perhaps in a different performance:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZEpx_A-H7s

I know that NG has some pop talent, some virtues. But I have been reminded of his horrible gurning face and his smug sense of this song - there is something about his relation to other people's music that is bad for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jF9YrCJVakQ

Official version!

Maybe the problem is just - his voice is bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZubxdFFF3M&ab_channel=PodcastDevotee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZubxdFFF3M

Just seen Noel Gallagher say he was listening to a Man City game on the radio when it was interrupted to say Lennon had been shot in December 1980.
City played on the 6th and 13th December.
Lennon was shot on the 8th.#laterjools @BBCLater

— Ted 🔴⚪⚫ (@Nojwanderer) May 14, 2021

The incredible divorced dad energy emitting from this image made me long to revisit this thread again. Imagine the free time Noel will have now to explore the complexities of his inner life, all the amazing thoughts he's going to have.

https://i.imgur.com/1pJDvit.png

Probably should've saved it for the Cursed Images thread

https://preview.redd.it/0r7l3haq4a751.jpg?auto=webp&s=6c402ea8602904aada3576a36bf814bea57d2ba5

p**k

irl lol

Would've expected the margarita thing in the other direction. The pizzas more of a thing than the drink in the UK?

also had a good lol at both brother updates. top shelf.

This is such bullshit and it’s the same bullshit he’s been talking for ages. The music industry doesn’t give a shit if you’re on drugs and make it money. The music industry will *give* you those drugs. Harry Styles is a good pop star. Noel is increasingly boring. pic.twitter.com/95015t56ER

— Mic Wright (@brokenbottleboy) May 24, 2023