Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

dude from outside customer service inserts himself into training I'd meticulously planned, went over his allotted time in every section (which made me have to scrap things), spoke to the learners as if they were stupid and talked in a monotone that left the learners comatose.

he's rewarded himself for his amazing performance by infiltrating another one of ours next week.

I need a new job.

This week:

* I'm Jewish, I eat pork, it's not weird, please stop mentioning it

* Please restrict office conversations about your favourite Haribo colour and whether Twix is a biscuit to < 30 mins thanks

colleague i mentioned upthread just approached me, i had earphones on, he tapped me on the shoulder and said "i've got to tell you something i heard on the radio". told me a story about a nike ad filmed in kenya in which a kenyan man was hired to say "just do it" in whatever language he spoke. when the ad aired it turned out he had said "these don't fit my feet".

and now i've had to tell all of you.

I really need to stop bothering my coworker like that, I just get tired of sitting here and should probably just talk to whoever is getting coffee

me working at home cut out my bad habit of creating consistent small talk with people around me and not getting stuff done.

That's what WhatsApp chats are for

One of the smug lifers at my firm demanded that I add this doozy of a run-on sentence to our CS reference tools:

"If No - instruct the participant to read the information in the commencement kit and offer to schedule a call-back or let him/her know to call back after he/she has reviewed the commencement kit, or to log on to the website and view the calculation/options where he/she can make elections or call and discuss"

if I had known how much fun insubordination was, as well as how easy it is to phone it in and still stick around, I would have done this years ago

1) 5 reps have system issues that nobody else on team is having
2) We have local IT come and they can't figure it out
3) we start a global ticket, insisting it's urgent
4) nobody reaches out in 12 hours
5) we escalate further to find out why nobody has contacted us
6) it gets to the head of our depts who criticizes us, based on his incorrect understanding of the situation, saying we don't know how to get the issue to the right people

THAT'S WHAT GLOBAL SUPPORT TICKETS ARE FOR!!! if I knew how to fix it or who it should go to, I'd be doing it myself

you gotta find another job, man

I started applying to recruiters and other jobs about a week ago. it's a-happenin'

would probably be a pay cut but at this point....i kinda have to

Creepy bin kicking co worker got fired about a week after my last post, he tried to punch someone apparently lol.

Geeez lol

same coworker i mentioned a few times here, just came over to my desk, hovered behind me for a minute, produced his phone, every fibre of me being wishing this was not about to happen, then leans in "have you seen this?" and plays me a tweet which shows a cat walking past theresa may at 10 downing street and flinching a bit when it sees a police officer.

my coworker then says, pointing at the caption: "the caption says, the cat is surprised to see a police officer after all theresa may's police cuts"

this is a grown adult. a man in his 50s.

keep calm and lolcatz meme

every element of that story is horrifying

torture.

i was in the bathroom earlier and he came in, was a few urinals down. he made to leave after about 20 seconds and said "oh, thought i needed to pee but turns out not"

i mean i get it, ageing, but prob didn't need to tell me.

Question reminds me of buried childhood memory - gr7 band teacher used to squeeze his buttocks with the beat. So weird!

― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, November 1, 2012 1:12 PM (four years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I was down in the gym over my lunch-break. Among other things, I was doing bridges, a glute-strengthening exercise. In the middle of my workout, finefinemusic's band teacher arose from the depths of my memories and it took me a few minutes to regain my composure.

There is a door here that has a tendency to slam shut (a thunderous sound). There is a big sign pleading on the door for employees to softly close the door. People have been thwacking the thing shut all day.

There will be fists!

if a door closes loudly by default, it's gonna be loud

recommend shoving some wads of tape all around the frame

Until five minutes ago, I had never heard a real live person use the phrase 'pow-wow' in anything other than a parodic context wrt completely absurd business jargon that real live people would never actually use, and I'm pretty sure my soul actually left my body briefly when the traumatic event finally occurred. Not completely certain that I'm not dead right now.

leave me the hell alone you fake smart joe rogan loving bubblehead

yes please continue talking at me about this project that doesn't concern you, very helpful

oh i feel bad, i knew i shouldn't have posted here oh well

ahhh i just found out my last day is the 20th. Just in time for the $250 a week bill we get to pay the kids summer camp.

I had a moment where i was just going to walk out but I ended up applying for 4 jobs so who knows? or cares for that matter? I feel like I'm constantly unemployed with small bouts of sitting in a cubicle.

Every time I open this thread I fear I will find a coworker has tracked me down and read my posts

just tell them what you think then. the truth shall set you free!*

*free of employment

last week I had to give a memeber of staff some negative feedback and they reacted by whisting over the top of what I was saying then walking away from me. It is a miracle I am not in jail for common assault.

no court in the land would convict you

literally whistling over you might be a new low for this thread which already filled to bursting with new lows

ongoing manager decides to take a one week cruise during the third week live on a major project and did not adequately prep any of her backups to fill her absence.

everything goes to hell while she's out, nobody is handling the things she would normally do, so now they're trying to force my team to own one of their major tasks simply because she's not here, even though it's way out of our depth.

so lesson learned, showing up to work = naive and stupid, take vacay whenever I feel like from now on. on the plus side, I did discover resumerobin.com today.

last week I had to give a memeber of staff some negative feedback and they reacted by whisting over the top of what I was saying then walking away from me.

Uh, they should be pulled aside by HR and told to quit it or leave imo. What a dick!

I mean it'd only be douchier if they did the "shh" thing that Dr Evil does in Austin Powers. it's 11 year-old behavior.

I'm in the fortunate position where I get to manage these people* but I don't have the power to escalate disciplinary procedures directly, ie I have to pass this situation on to a more senior manager and stand back while they take action. Which, by the nature of the arrangement, of course it is nowhere near as fast or direct as I would want it done.

*I say these people because, although this example is the worst, it isn't an isolated incident of similar shameless disrespect from this team.

The people I manage are really nice and it is an incredible fucking relief. Managing assholes is like having a nosiy neighbour - it can seem like the only option is to get a new job / move house.

Currently hating: male co-worker who only uses the word "adorable" in conversations with women, keeps leaning in for a cheeky hug, all-purpose defensive mansplainer

please

stop

taaaalking

I don't think there's been more than a ten-minute gap in this series of monologues all day

even after sending an email warning of my PTO this week, and an Out of Office auto-reply that tells everyone I'm out and gives the names of contacts to reach out to, there are people apparently emailing me asking for things that require quick turnaround this week.

and leaving off the right people to send these to even after they get the OOO message.

giggling a little as I picture these doofuses wondering why they're getting no reply.

so i had a meeting yesterday morning with my team to pitch for work, essentially to justify our existence as a team of contractors on the job we're on. it was sort of a fait accompli even tho there were other groups tendering for the work, but nonetheless it was fairly serious, we all had notes etc, dressed semi-formally, treated it with some level of gravitas.

we're all sitting in the room, and i'm looking at my notes with about five minutes to go until the pitch starts, and "the colleague i mentioned upthread" (this is now his name itt) turns to me and says

"have you ever thought about investigating your family tree?"

"em, i dunno, perhaps one day."

"i've been doing it for some time, it's very interesting - i have a mixed heritage, south african, croatian, IRISH..." blah blah blah until the meeting starts, as every other member of the team just looks at him like the banal lunatic that he is.

bwahahaha

I feel like with those people they view your disinterest as an accelerant

oh, most definitely

I mostly let it slide these days when meetings with coworkers that are all friendly start with a few minutes of bullshitting about the upcoming weekend or whatever

but the impulse to _want_ to be able to do that with people who have no interest, at the wrong time, combined with the "gotta keep talking through this awkward silence, maybe if I say one more thing they'll be able to relate to this" motive is mortifying

meetings at my old job were mostly full of co-workers who could barely stay awake

classic

it wasn't just the disinterest, it was also just so comically mistimed and weird, that he'd be thinking about this as basically the entire room was gearing itself up. but yeah, also a seriously boring interlude.

but the impulse to _want_ to be able to do that with people who have no interest, at the wrong time, combined with the "gotta keep talking through this awkward silence, maybe if I say one more thing they'll be able to relate to this" motive is mortifying

otm. one of my dear friends has this habit of talking to me at length about several operas. Now, the guy has a brilliant knowledge of opera and classical works and I find it fascinating, but he'll go on about it long past expiry and assumes received knowledge that I don't have, so I feel like I can't add anything to the convo. I try to steer the convo back to shared interests and usually that works.

I also hate the people at work who seem to think what you did last weekend is a show-and-tell contest for determining who leads the most awesome life.

playing bottle-flip on a table shared with 9 other people trying to work, ffs.

next week, fidget spinners, i'm guessing.

Fidget spinners are pretty quiet.

Now, the staff of a half dozen writers behind me who have to begin every morning discussing the latest CRAZY thing the president has said or done, that's not very quiet at all.

But you know, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?

My stepkid has a fidget spinner with LIGHTS in it. That can get a bit annoying if he's in one's field of view.