Worst sounding band in this blogger's list of '5 unique metal bands you should be listening to'

Alestorm are awful.
I can't say whether I've heard Amaranthe or not, but I've heard enough "prom dress metal" to hazard a guess as to their sound. I bet they're not as good as Battle Beast, but that's cause Battle Beast are legitimately awesome.
Van Canto are kind of gasp-in-disbelief hilarious, but the gimmick wears thin really fast.
Don't know anything about the other two, but I don't listen to Russian bands generally, and "comedy" metal bands are usually so awful I want to kill not only the members, but their families and anyone who's ever expressed a favorable word about them (cf. Steel Panther).

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Blackthorn are pretty decent, and apart from some lol women in a metal band factor are no more a comedy/novelty act than Dimmu Borgir or Emperor.