no boys allowed in the room!!!!

Wait I have to go back to

i am hosting an all-woman jam next sunday, looking forward to it
so far i think 4 people are coming for sure, aiming for 6

― weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Friday, March 3, 2017 6:36 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

HALLELUJAH AND ANGELS AMONG US!!!!! This is already the pinnacle of emotional existence in my imagination! Women playing music and jamming together hell yes.

It's just a specific form of a fear of rejection, that societal norms have totally amplified for women to be about their bodies, and less about other traits.

cosign btw. I wouldn't say I think that feeling is only this but it's at least liable to be partly this.

At the moment, I am not in a relationship, not dating, not interested in either, and I feel a lot better about myself.

More thoughts (sorry). Yes, that sentence reminds me of times I have been happier w myself and distanced myself from body & appearance and worthiness insecurities, and looking back, it DID require me to take myself "off the market," as it were. Like to decide that I was not interested in dating or being desired/loved. So in order to be happy w myself I had to cut myself off from romance/sex/contact w my desired gender. Managing my happiness & emotional health required me to pick one or the other.

I want to think about this more now while I'm in something good and I finally have BOTH in an integrated way, so if and when this relationship ends, I can put myself back into this state by creating an emotional roadmap now.

I kinda rebelled against that stuff from a young age -- I was an only child, so I also felt like I should be something akin to a "son" as well -- so the "prettiness" stuff for me almost always feels like a form of drag, or at least like a theatrical performance, minus the jazz squares and character shoes.

interesting - I was (am) an only child and a tomboy. I had thought of these as entirely independent quirks of my childhood but maybe they are linked!

Xp Yeah I'm psyched & hoping to record at least part of it. Maybe I should call it Yoni! Yony! Yoné!

http://www.nataliedee.com/012506/maracas.jpg

I mean I actually dress up a bit, and started trying to do "pretty" things with my hair, (also taking pride in having thick curly hair and working with that) but it's self-directed as opposed to marketing myself to men. But for me, the past couple years have been about getting more comfortable and happier being by myself and doing things that I enjoy, as opposed to what I should enjoy, or what would make me more attractive to guys. Like sewing clothing and vintage fashion stuff -- outside of talking about periods, that is one of the top topics guaranteed to get a straight guy to tune out or walk away from a conversation.

xp - LL - my bff has actually guested with Toni Tony Tone (or whatever order) -- she says they are super nice and she felt good about those gigs.

i just typed up a long post about my opinion on this subject and then deleted it - which is what i do probably 9/10 times when posting to ilx these days. which is probably preferable to my early years on ilx, when i was insane from sleep deprivation and overworked, and would just post the first thing that came to mind.

i miss these femme threads - just shooting the shit, talking about whatever. there is definitely a smaller and smaller femme presence on ilx over the last year or two.

preferable to my early years on ilx, when i was insane from sleep deprivation and overworked, and would just post the first thing that came to mind.

Mine too! Except replace overworked with drunk :/

the first year/year and half, holy shit, some of the stuff i posted was beyond embarrassing.

Yoni and Chocha would be a funny name for something, a thing i have nothing to do with

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjE1MjE1NjIwM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNzUwMDY1MTE@._V1_UY1200_CR82,0,630,1200_AL_.jpg

i can't even google it, i'm at work

kinder I'm just catching up ott but fwiw I am totally interested and not bored by all things female-body-related, so do tell if you feel like it!

I thought about reviving this thread when I was reading about the dude who allegedly invented labial glue for menstruating women.

also "the grand global hotness scale and acceptability index" (GGHSAI) should be copyrighted as a shorthand for All That Stuff-- thanking u APspacecadet!

xxpost WHAAAAAAAAA?

did dude also invent labial glue solvent or like what was the end game here dude

I think urine was supposed to be the solvent.

so you were supposed to re-glue every time you took a leak? f'n guy.

clearly a guy who would never even *consider* intercourse with a menstruating woman.

yeah and when yr period's over you just unglue & dump a liter of blood where exactly

nope to all of that

I have some ideas about how to use this genital glue on its creator.

I'm thinking that cooking threads are the only threads I see regularly that have anything resembling gender balance, and when ilchixors don't get talked over so much by the uber talky talkers?

circling back to Sarahell, I have become a big proponent of dressing up for ME

like I bought a bomber jacket with sequin sleeves that ok sure i dont go out every weekend but i am so fkb excited at the idea of glamming up & wearing it because *I* am into how it looks, not for anyone else's benefit

and for going out clothes in general I am much more about "do I respond to this color/pattern/style positively?" first, instead of in the past where i'd be like ohhh no someone my size should never wear a shiny dress etc

I'm conflicted between "get rid of lil belly" and "I'm bringing bellies back."

My spouse does not appear to have any conflict with respect to his own belly; he comes in from a winter run and notes without any negative feeling that his "blubber keeps him warm," and indeed his belly is always really chilly while his limbs are nice and toasty; insulation works!

Oh god, the labial glue thing was hilarious.

http://www.dailyedge.ie/mensez-period-lipstick-3251536-Feb2017/

LL I have not stopped loling about Yoni and Chocha since u posted the other day and if it's okay I'm going to turn it into my new username as a tribute to yr genius <3

Be my guest! Glad to be of service.

Yoni Bitchell is my personal fave
Yoni Basil also a decent option

<3

can't believe you're not going with the ilx classic, and twat

joni luvs chachi was my fave tv show as a little kid so this feels right

that post made no contextual sense, for which i apologize

I loled
There's enough for us all to have one

I didn't mention this before because I feel like it's the biggest can of worms in the universe but that article io posted was otm about "creepy", a word that is so vague that it can refer to anything from annoying behavior to harassment to actual stalking (not lite-stalking as the term is used more generally. I'm not sure she's otm about why, as I think it varies as wildly as the meanings of the word "creepy" but I'm glad she opened the discussion of a very nebulous concept that's always hanging in the air like a fart.

I had to get that off my chest because I've been thinking about the general concept of creepiness for many years.

a podcast i enjoy that discusses old-timey high school books discussed Forever by Judy Blume but neither the host or the guest had read it before

they both liked it reading it as newcomers, which is good & cool to hear

but oh man it bummed me out! i was looking forward to hearing from someone who was a legit teen whose life was changed when that contraband was passed to them (like me!) and who owes JB a debt of womanly gratitude for telling me all the stuff that mum and other women kept to themselves (like me!)

plus this guest was a teen in the 00's (side-eye)
who had only read the Fudge series (double side eye) (COME ON! Deenie? Tiger Eyes? Are You There God?)

Sorry, just venting

What podcast is this? It sounds interesting. I mean, in general, maybe not this specific episode.

It's called Sophomore Lit. The idea is they cover your 10th grade reading list, but they cast the net pretty wide and cover stuff like Longfellow that used to be assigned decades ago but isn't now, as well as standards like Romeo & Juliet, Animal Farm, whatnot. I kinda like it. They stay on topic pretty well, and the host is the brother of Dan McCoy of the Flophouse podcast so I'm kinda fond of it by default.

And it's kinda cool to rediscover stuff that you read in school that you thought was lame but maybe isn't now. Or vice versa.

- I don't think there's a word I hate more than yoni.

- "bought a bomber jacket with sequin sleeves" this sounds amazing.

- Can't really contribute to the prettiness body image stuff because it's something I'm tackling hard irl and it's a little too real/raw for me to talk about here.

- PSA if you guys didn't see 20th C Women when it was out please try to catch it when it's streaming or whatever because it was really great.

- Hi!

Full disclosure I've never read Judy Blume either and I was a teenager throughout the 90s.

Well, '89-'96 at least.

I didn't mention this before because I feel like it's the biggest can of worms in the universe but that article io posted was otm about "creepy", a word that is so vague that it can refer to anything from annoying behavior to harassment to actual stalking (not lite-stalking as the term is used more generally. I'm not sure she's otm about why, as I think it varies as wildly as the meanings of the word "creepy" but I'm glad she opened the discussion of a very nebulous concept that's always hanging in the air like a fart.

I had to get that off my chest because I've been thinking about the general concept of creepiness for many years.

― weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Monday, March 6, 2017 11:55 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Is the designation "creepy" more about the speaker than the subject? Or is there any basic, central, enduring kind of creepiness that remains the same?

I believe the answer is a) -- but there are surely elements we can all agree on. At its essence, afaict, it's barely concealed desire and/or unwelcome/inappropriate objectification.

I could co-sign that. I might also say that there's an element of threat? Of a power disparity in favor of the creep and against the object of desire. If someone is less powerful and lower status than you, their unwanted desire is...comic? or awkward, or...? something laughable, not threatening. Creepiness feels like it also contains the knowledge that the person could act on their desire and in some way harm you.

Do guys routinely categorize women as creepy bc of their affection or attention? I can't see it being the comparable to the reverse.

a podcast i enjoy that discusses old-timey high school books discussed Forever by Judy Blume but neither the host or the guest had read it before

I had the same reaction to that sentence as you VG before realising that was your point! Even as a kid in rural England I read Are you there God, Forever, a bunch of others, and Sally J Freedman over and over for some reason. I didn't know what so many things were in the book (stucco, bobby pins, lots of Jewish stuff and yeah bordellos).

Memories of smuggling home Forever from my local library in semi-rural England and hiding it so my mother couldn't read it (NB I did a p. half-assed job of this and it mysteriously disappeared from its hiding place so she must have read it). It had been talked about in hushed terms in the playground for the past year or so, a cult literary rite of passage.

I was maybe 12 (just), super naive for my age, many years off any kind of relationship, and I'm p sure most of it was entirely over my head. Not sure I'm quite in the right mental place to re-read it but I'll give the podcast a go.

I remember reading lots of other Blume books whose titles mostly escape me right now. Also Paula Danziger, who I was v into aged 12-13 and who is grouped together with Blume in my British head for being American tween-to-teen lit, poss an association that will make no sense to American readers who had no need to group them by nationality.

Strangely the YA library book I got in trouble with my mother for was not the obviously discovered Forever but a short Gene Kemp book where the male protagonist says on page 1 something like "I love women, me. I love everything about them", which seemed a bit tame at the time to get in trouble for, but there were very possibly further entendres and contextual nuances which were lost on me.

The book goes on to be about Greenham Common and adult in the less parent-outraging sense of being p bleak iirc.

RIP Gene Kemp; as with my most beloved of your protagonists, I did not discover your gender until the end, even though by then I'd met two female Genes. <3

I read a few Judy Blume books and they didn't change my life at all. They were okay, I guess. I liked horror books more. Maybe this is why I have always felt like a deficient girl.

I read a few Judy Blume books and they didn't change my life at all. They were okay, I guess

that's pretty much how I felt as well. Also, by the time I read them, I had boobs and my period, neither of which I found particularly desirable. I think when my peers were reading Judy Blume, I was reading a lot of sci-fi and your standard J.D. Salinger, George Orwell, short books that appealed to disaffected precocious teens.

I feel like I posted this same thing 8 years ago -- thread has come full circle

Do guys routinely categorize women as creepy bc of their affection or attention? I can't see it being the comparable to the reverse.
idk because i am not a guy but i do believe they experience this as well, even if they don't talk about it as freely. "routinely" and "comparable" being the only thing preventing from me answering "of course".