important baseball tweets

https://twitter.com/Chron_MattYoung/status/834827079560601600

Gary you push through kids to get autographs for a living. I truly don't care my signature won't pay for your PornHub subscription anymore https://t.co/XOiWVyWFzQ

— Micah Johnson (@Micah_Johnson3) May 3, 2017

FENWAY IS CLOSING??? https://t.co/HikPSSYyDb

— DVS (@DVSblast) May 3, 2017

Happy "Loving" day pic.twitter.com/vgwPm0aipi

— Dexter Fowler (@DexterFowler) June 12, 2017

A 15-inch mound in a ballpark lit by 60-watt bulbs. Dodger Stadium in the '60s produced less offense than an Osmond Christmas Special. https://t.co/cMucrArcGV

— Joe Sheehan (@joe_sheehan) July 10, 2017

You, a nerd: why do you like baseball it's boring
Me, wise: cock like a ball bat pic.twitter.com/YsMAOMtCTH

— ak? they gay (@alyssakeiko) August 15, 2017

So Arpaio is free....among people he illegally attempted to detain. America's Toughest Sheriff? We're about to find out. Good luck, Joe.

— Michael Young (@MikeyY626) August 26, 2017

You sound like my agent trying to get me a job after my 2013 season with the Nationals https://t.co/15QaLwk1RI

— dan haren (@ithrow88) August 29, 2017

(his 2013 wasn't awful actually)

welp

http://deadspin.com/willson-contreras-slides-into-mia-khalifas-dms-refuses-1800663882

4.2 bsr @fangraphs so you should 🤐 https://t.co/56MKFvbgoE

— Tommy Pham (@TphamLV) August 13, 2017

These are two interesting tweets: pic.twitter.com/v5KiOEXyY3

— Marc Carig (@MarcCarig) September 19, 2017

hmmm

Folks, I did the math.

Assuming this is his last start, Trevor Williams must allow 3 ER over 5.2 IP in a ND to finish 6-9 with a 4.20 ERA. pic.twitter.com/zifRBMeRn6

— Connor Newcomb (@ConnorNewcomb_) September 26, 2017

Folks, it gets better.

If Homer Bailey goes 6 IP, allows 4 ER and gets the win tomorrow, he finishes 6-9 with a 6.90 ERA and 69 ER allowed. pic.twitter.com/TsTA7BbtC3

— Connor Newcomb (@ConnorNewcomb_) September 26, 2017

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— Mariners (@Mariners) September 27, 2017

For some reason, C.J. Wilson’s car dealership paid to advertise on the big screen between innings at this meaningless Angels-White Sox game.

— Pedro Moura (@pedromoura) September 29, 2017

He has a Mazda dealership in Chicago. When I was with the Cubs he let me borrow a cherry red Mazda SUV. Zoom zoom

— dan haren (@ithrow88) September 29, 2017

✔

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLYOZviXkAAd4g3.jpg:small

@Dodgers tell @BMcCarthy32 he’s in. He tells them paint in office sucks. Then says thanks, likes a Flake tweet, chooses arbitrary snack.

— Michael Young (@MikeyY626) October 24, 2017

How do you believe humans arrived on this planet?

— AUBREY HUFF (@aubrey_huff) November 14, 2017

Will be at ur show in Jan. I’m sure you’ll make a stop at @Onnit Let’s train and get weird @joerogan

— Jake Arrieta (@JArrieta34) November 17, 2017

Hi Robert - Yes. Die Hard is a Christmas movie. #BooneAMA https://t.co/et6ukeBK6C

— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017

🏹🏹🏹 pic.twitter.com/9c2nw5hRiw

— Minnesota Twins (@Twins) December 15, 2017

https://deadspin.com/there-is-now-an-app-for-triple-crown-ratio-lines-on-bad-1821792463

time to take a big sip of coffee and check out MLB all-star Sammy Sosa’s engagement photos pic.twitter.com/qfRHNOTFWk

— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) February 11, 2018

yikes

walking up Broadway in NYC, i am always startled to see on the sidewalk plaques that they had a parade for Sosa there.

Clayton Kershaw, on if he’s gotten over the World Series: “I don’t really take something and move on. I just kind of absorb it.”

Is that healthy?

“I’m not sure. I’ll let you know, if I explode at some point.”

— Andy McCullough (@McCulloughTimes) February 13, 2018

I pitched a few seasons completely out of the stretch actually, just not by choice https://t.co/13bDxVOzsF

— dan haren (@ithrow88) February 21, 2018

Dan Haren's like a modern day Bob Uecker, hope he sticks around

Pedro Moura looks exactly like I expected him to look

Been sitting on this... Exit velo and launch angle and it’s correlation to % chance of becoming a homer. 2014 vs. 2017 pic.twitter.com/UrfVVFVuJB

— Justin Verlander (@JustinVerlander) March 2, 2018

We..worked on this story for a year...and...he just...he tweeted it outhttps://t.co/E4prSi2A4F

— Ben Lindbergh (@BenLindbergh) March 2, 2018

lol

(this is re: juiced balls i take it?)

well, in the absence of other explanations for increased HR likelihood

U know what’s really unexpectedly cool about playing right field? I get to be eye level with the fans sitting on my side. Had some fun roasting a guy yesterday lol

— Dexter Fowler (@DexterFowler) March 15, 2018

Pay your debts https://t.co/jOxGJscA3O

— Noah Syndergaard (@Noahsyndergaard) March 29, 2018

I hear from some of you tweetsters that my Seinfeld episode was on tonight on Pix. That means I’ll get a nice little check. Enough to pay for dinner tomorrow with the boys in DC. GN

— keith Hernandez (@kher8286) April 4, 2018

Ozzie Guillen In A Venezuelan Telenovela pic.twitter.com/xpk2sUbiIA

— Gustavo Vega (@iamvega1982) May 2, 2018

https://i.imgur.com/n5zZ055.png

zach cozart seems really fun

Zack Cozart on the #Rays starting Romo on back-to-back days: “It was weird...it’s bad for baseball, in my opinion...It’s spring training. That’s the best way to explain it.” #Angels

— Fabian Ardaya (@FabianArdaya) May 20, 2018

v. v. good for baseball, of course

Dear couple that clearly broke up while standing near our bullpen in the 5th inning today,

Lovely entertainment for a few minutes, but we hope you’re ok. Feel free to come back tomorrow and discuss with us. We can provide the third party point of view!

Love,

The Jays bullpen!

— John Axford (@JohnAxford) May 26, 2018

THIS WEBSITE IS FREE @keithlaw pic.twitter.com/DghkOQtQR9

— MillennialFalcon (@zak_vargas) May 25, 2018

pic.twitter.com/B3p5aEHSlb

— Danny Duffy (@duffkc41) June 1, 2018

PJ Conlon after being reacquired by the Mets in less than a week

pic.twitter.com/NS2wWzGSOV

— PJ Conlon (@pjconlon29) June 6, 2018

ha ha ha

Giants fans should be really excited with Bumgarner back. Now guys like Samardzija, Cueto, can drop the load on their big horse

— Pedro Martinez (@45PedroMartinez) June 6, 2018

https://i.imgur.com/RYADfsJ.png

I have never taken a selfie in my life🤣😂so here it is, happy #NationalSelfieDay everyone!! Let’s see yours,,,BE BLESS!!🙏🏽 pic.twitter.com/pWkswOkAWF

— Bengie Molina (@BengieMolina1) June 21, 2018

great selfie

I look at the first 10 digits of line scores in case one forms a phone number. I found one this year, I can’t tell you the game, that would be intrusive. I called the number, and a guy answered! I hung up without speaking. What was I going to say, your number is a line score?

— Tim Kurkjian (@Kurkjian_ESPN) June 27, 2018

I'm sure Aaron Judge is reaching for his phone as I type.

Aaron judge I am getting ready for you let's see if you can hit a baseball as far as I can hit a softball I doubt that very much let me know when you're ready we'll do the competition for charity pic.twitter.com/riWXN8Z878

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 5, 2023

(Is punctuation considered bad form on Twitter, or is it that you're wasting precious character count? That tweet reminds me of 10,000 student journal entries I marked.)

real ballers don’t need punctuation

the lack of punctuation is just part of what makes him a Tru Poster

It's possible he was influenced by Ulysses.

if you're not for canseco, you are against canseco. and he thrives on competition, so watch out

I TROLLED JOSE CANSECO

His strikeout vs me this year shouldn’t count

— Andrew McCutchen (@TheCUTCH22) September 21, 2023