Star Wars Anthology shit talk (Rogue One, Young Solo, TBD)

that green rabbit guy should be in this

http://orig03.deviantart.net/28d8/f/2011/323/6/f/bucky_o__hare_by_fou_lo-d4go1q7.png

Only if they keep the original dialogue:

http://media.comicbook.com/uploads1/2014/09/star-wars-008-6-106521.jpg

Which, now that I see it again in full, they might as well do since it can be their very own Rocket Raccoon.

that patton oswalt thing from Parks & Rec is entirely possible

hm... so that's why disney has been buying up all the genre properties...

a pointless cameo from, idk, IG-88

NOTHING ABOUT IG-88 IS POINTLESS

***runs off sobbing***

there was a lot of "a prequel for the plans would be totally pointless"

It was totally pointless! To be honest, even allowing for that pointlessness, if they'd made a better movie out of it, I might have accepted it and would now be extending SLIGHTLY more credit to the upcoming adventures of The Solo Kid - "well it's going to be totally pointless but so far their totally pointless space adventure prequels have been great escapist fun." Instead they made a kind of semi-competent blah forgettable space movie totally fumbling its ostensible war-slash-heist-mission sales pitch (with a few scattered highlights) and it's just like ughhhh enough already.

OTOH I guess it'll be fun in a few years when we poll the Star Wars prequels and people actually have to choose between Attack of the Clones, Biggs and Wedge: Shipwrecked on Dantooine and the Caravan of Courage reboot explaining how Wicket came to live in the Ewok Village Action Playset.

still waiting for the side story that explains that one time darth vader teamed up with the decepticons and megatron turned him into a TIE fighter.

http://tfwiki.net/mediawiki/images2/thumb/2/26/SWTFtoy-VaderTIE.JPG/800px-SWTFtoy-VaderTIE.JPG

When I was at that Transformers convention to help my friend at his booth selling toys, I met the guy who did the voice for that toy. Not the Vader voice for anything else, I think, just for... that toy

Sorry DC, forgot you were a "this excellent movie was not in fact excellent" truther :)

otm

Hey guys, wouldn't it be cool if the Han Solo spinoff took place in the gap in the first Star Wars movie between when he left the Rebels, and when he returned to help Luke blow up the Death Star? I mean, we never found out why he changed his mind, did we? It needs to be explained! The movie could take place in real time, with Han sitting in the cockpit and having visions of his past. And Harrelson could play, like, an old, dead mentor of his, who also serves as the Ghost of Life Day Future, showing what an asshole he will become if he doesn't turn back and help his buddies. Wouldn't this be great?

Yes

Then Harrelson's force ghost is also killed, and Han gets stuck in the evil timeline and has to blow up that Death Star to get home. Thus giving him the change of heart to help Luke and friends.

I'm thinking more like Woody in that scenario is the concierge to Han's lobby boy a la Grand Budapest Hotel

What I'd like to see is a series of movies that runs parallel to the original trilogy but that shows us what the characters who weren't onscreen in a given scene were up to. Like a companion to A New Hope where the first half is mostly just Leia trying to figure out how to entertain herself while sitting in her cell.

2 hours of Luke in the bacta tank

No no a real Minutt for Minutt film of the search for Luke in the snowspeeders

Norway is Hoth after all

Where did the other probe droids end up? What did they see?

i'd like an ice-age style animated comedy set on hoth starring the wampa which eventually becomes luke's sleeping bag in empire

or maybe a fish-out-of-water comedy with a wampa trying to adapt to life on the lava plains of mustafar

That writes itself! The wampa struggling to breathe for the first ten minutes, and then lying dead for an hour and forty-five minutes.

A Day in the Star Wars bar, done like Cheers

xps: you're thinking of a tauntaun.

you're right! which leads to to wonder whether the star wars universe needs an odd couple-style sitcom with a wampa and a tauntaun struggling to live together in a cave on hoth

Where did the other probe droids end up? What did they see?

― The beaver is not the bad guy (El Tomboto), Thursday, January 12, 2017

Priceless!

A Day in the Star Wars bar, done like Cheers

― Ste, Thursday, January 12, 2017 9:50 AM (nineteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzXKySxPFCI

I'm kind of surprised I haven't read any articles breaking down the parallels between the Jedi lore in Rogue One and Islam. Pilgrims journeying through Jedha (Jeddah) to seek out kyber crystals (the black rock embedded in the Kaaba?).

i thought this was great! looked and sounded great, good script, great cast. i enjoyed the sense of tragedy and sacrifice, and the dirtiness of an insurgency. good job everyone.

with his politician hair and white cape i was kind of hoping the badguy would be an easygoing california technocrat -- the kind of charismatic and metric-obsessed "builder" you'd put in charge of a major tech project -- instead of another snarling old world fascist, but you can't push the mythos too far i guess

imo he was a middle manager who thought that leaning hard on talented employees and passing off the work as his own would lead to success but nobody in the chain of command bought it

https://frinkiac.com/img/S08E02/603418.jpg

Value-free technocrat who Gets Things Done while pressing forth an ostensibly "inevitable" technological development is a great and timely idea for a villain, especially when you do have the option of leaning on Darth Vader for more direct creepiness and visceral terror, etc. Another missed opportunity.

there are hints of this possibility in the flashbacks of jyn's childhood -- two bright tech men, one who easily made his peace with empire and one who couldn't

probably shouldn't wish for SW to conform to our own sense of the villainous tho

I must wait until a high definition home release is available, but I am pretty sure the Vader in tank scene confirmed Vader has no dick

― mh 😏, Saturday, December 31, 2016 10:15 AM (two weeks ago)

it was floating separate in the tank, could see it in the upper left of the screen, either it's detachable or he keeps it for sentimental reasons

― qualx, Saturday, December 31, 2016 10:24 AM (two weeks ago)

Etc. etc. but I must note that Rob Bricken (yes I know) has made a claim:

http://io9.gizmodo.com/how-star-wars-should-handle-carrie-fishers-death-1791386407

Q. Anakin’s penis—did it survive or had he been unable to get any sexual release since Revenge of the Sith? That would explain a lot of anger we saw in the original trilogy.

A. Gone baby gone. Remember, he was lying on volcanic rock that was so hot it set his clothes on fire. Cotton burns at 400 degrees. Third-degree burns happen with a six-second contact with something only 140 degrees hot. Anakin was lying down on the rock for at least five minutes before the Emperor picked him up.

Lying face down. On his junk. Directly on what was essentially a lava beach.

By the way, this was the first letter I received after announcing the postman’s return. Glad to see even though the Postman had to leave for a while, you guys never did.

Well, but that assumes clothes in the Star Wars universe are made with cotton, a plant that evolved in a far-away galaxy, perhaps a long time later.

Are the clothes in the Star Wars movies cotton?

the touch, feel of microweave
the fabric of our lives

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=OqcNjJS6SR4C&pg=PT230&lpg=PT230&dq=suliana+cotton&source=bl&ots=tS4CuH3ELb&sig=OhwpuY1dNC-d33c-dCklGDJQu-M&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjN59f4_c7RAhXhL8AKHTWlCSIQ6AEIIjAB#v=onepage&q=suliana%20cotton&f=false

confirmation that cotton exists in the star wars universe. i also fear that there could be a grand moff tarkin sex scene either preceding or following this passage so scroll around at your peril

sorry, that's part of the legends area, may not be canon

the touch, feel of canon
the fabric of our existence

presumes lava is a 400 degree substance on that planet, that elevated midichlorian levels dont protect cock and that george lucas even knows about penises

A friend of mine posted this photo on FB and tagged me -- it's from his sister, who was having brunch in LA on the weekend. Check out the table in the background.

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16174971_10155008339685719_1332113233518692805_n.jpg?oh=fdf7d64e90ae16a3d1c7bfb5b2197ac6&oe=591E163B

Nice catch

Holy shit, Donald Glover eats food?

well, if rob bricken thinks vader has no dick then i think we can take it as canon that vader is, in fact, packing a dick

(ps fuck rob bricken)

The Landos bruncheth

whats donald glover doing with brett 'the hitman' hart

billy dee looking pretty ominous