your terrible ideas

I was watching Planet Earth and thinking about how it put so much of the human garbage happening in the world in an entirely different perspective and evokes a sense of awe and wonder and even hope, so my terrible idea is Planet Earth but with Trump in the corner of the screen giving a running commentary. Maybe the worst idea I've ever had.

Definitely the worst idea.

Hillary Clinton standing on a bridge, about to jump, when an older woman suddenly appears and jumps off first. Hillary dives in and saves her.

- "What's the matter with you?"
- "Hi, Hillary. I'm Eleanor. I've heard a lot about you."

They go to NIck's.
- "Why's he spraying the pharmacist with seltzer?"
- "Health Care was never passed in the 90s, so the pharmacist wasn't able to give the underinsured any medicine. Everyone hates him now."
- "But.."
- "Let's move on.

- "Ok, a vacant field..."
- "This vacant field here in West Memphis was supposed to be a big Toyota plant. But they went elsewhere because they couldn't find skilled educated workers in Arkansas. No one had been there to lead reform."
- "But I..."
- "Let's move on."

- "What happened to Washington DC? What's with all the gaudy gold lettering and fake tits?"
- "There was no one to stop Donald Trump from becoming president."
- "FOR THE LOVE OF..."
- "Wait, there's one more thing."

- "Here's Bill. Crammed into a tavern booth, a redhead on one arm and a brunette on the other."
- "Eleanor, what was the fucking point of - "
Ding! Ding!
- "Listen, Hillary! Another Democrat just supported the war!"

A reworking of R.E.M.'s Stand to the tune of Drowning Pool's bodies.

Stand! Nothing wrong with facing
North! Nothing wrong with facing
West!

Fox-Lax. A product that gives you unstoppable diarrhea when you watch cable news.

I follow someone on twitter who has a funny picture of a chihuahua as their profile pic, and I always feel happy when I see the chihuahua picture pop up in my feed regardless of the content of their tweet, so I think there should be a feature on twitter that lets you choose an alternative profile picture for particular accounts, and then have that picture be the one that appears in your feed next to their tweets. that way, if there's someone you dislike but feel obliged to follow on twitter for some reason, you at least will get to see a funny picture of a chihuahua (or whatever) every time one of their tweets appears.

seems like that should be a doable as a browser plugin

Ouevr: a subscription mail-order music service that sends you an artist's entire discography piece by piece, preserving the original time intervals between releases so that you can experience their career 'in real time'. ex. if you subscribe to Pink Floyd, you'll start off with

'Arnold Layne' (March 10, 2017)
'See Emily Play' (June 16, 2017)
The Piper at the Gates of Dawn (August 5, 2017)

and so on, and so on, until you finally get to The Endless River on November 7, 2054.

to build up hype and immerse you in the original cultural context, the service will send you vintage press releases and magazine ads in anticipation of major releases, and for added verisimilitude, you'll have the option of picking up the records at a fake record store on their respective 'release dates'.

eventually the service will expand to cover entire time periods, so if you're an '00s kid born in the wrong generation, you can spend the next 10 years receiving all the essential vinyls and cassettes and CDs a typical indie kid would have purchased in the '90s.

if you're not interested in getting physical copies of the albums, you can subscribe to a streaming service that 'unlocks' an artist's output in chronological order, and if you're impatient you can accelerate the process and consume a discography at 5 times or 10 times or 20 times its original duration.

if the business model is successful, it might even cross over into other media, ex. Pynchon's complete works, every issue of Cerebrus, every Mac product the average techie would have bought from 1984 onward, etc.

(oops, that should read '1/5 or 1/10 or 1/20th of its original duration')

Would subscribe

Rammstein record a cover version of Falco's 'Rock Me Amadeus'.

A parody of 'Star Wars: A New Hope' performed by the characters of UK children's TV show 'Rainbow', with Zippy as Darth Vader.

A colourful, vibrant community mural depicting a diverse group of children all staring at cellphones.

trenchant community murals

A colourful, vibrant community mural depicting a diverse group of children all staring at a wall.

Murders In the Dot.Org

Click 'M' for Murder

alt: Click 'M' for Murder

I Spit On Your Webcam

Rear Windows

I can't believe that I never posted any of the songs I've repurposed into ad jingles here (a la 'Gimme gimme Pop Secret'). This morning I transformed 'Sinnerman' into an epic about Cinnamon Toast Crunch ('Oh cinnamon where you gonna run to, oh cinnamon your sugar needs you', etc.). I should probably be shot or something, huh.

Nah I do this a lot but the lyrics are about our cats.

Sponsorship deal with the Pet Shop Boys on a vegetarian bacon brand called 'How Can You Expect To Be Bacon, Seriously?'

a+++

Followed by
I don't know what this is but I don't want it any more

haha kinder.

What have I done to deserve this?

Soya fish replacement ad:

This must be the plaice I waited years to leave

http://www.john-west.ie/uploads/products/ProductSmall_TunaChunksBrine.jpg

Life is peaceful there

I wouldn't normally eat this kind of thing

xp omg!

hang on, just realised Go West is already used on an advert :/

who cares? keep them coming

going with the fish replacement theme, bear with me

soya finger eh! I love you

I'm beginning to regret this

(That's not a PSB song afaik, but feel free to use it, guys)

'I'm Beginning To Regret This' was on Elysium, no?

I was trying to do something like 'Mycoprotein Culture' but I gave up in the end

not PSB, but that would work with this
https://open.spotify.com/track/4ecXunKQAn1IIJHSygkC15

I mean it may as well be PSB

Being Quorning

A show about a demonic sheriff missing the top of his head called Possession is Nine Tenths of the Law

lolllll

a remake of a japanese horror film starring a cartoon penguin...

Pingu Ringu

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udjoXfrHpcU

I kind of semi-seriously want to set up an Indian vegetarian restaurant in Dublin called Dal Éireann.

a Food Network show where Fred Durst visits seafood restaurants around the world to sample and review their crab and lobster soups. title: Limp Bisque Crit

Soviet themed pinball game. Stalin/Lenin/Trotsky multiball, WWII/Cuban Missile Crisis/etc. modes, enemies banished to Siberia/peasants starved multipliers, Great Leap Forward extra ball

amazing idea

it kind of designs itself, right?

are you in the middle of the kotkin?

haha yes

it's great right? i'm impatient for the next volume.