bill simmons IS bill simmons IN the book of BASKETBALL

http://deadspin.com/bill-simmons-isnt-too-big-to-fail-1788556607

oopss sorry

His website, the Ringer, attracted just 420,000 unique visitors in October, according to comScore.

whaaaaat

“It is another reminder, do not leave ESPN, man. ESPN is a monster platform that is responsible for all of our successes.”

yup

if bill had sprung just before the espn ship capsized, say in 5 or so yrs, this all might have worked out but competing with them was maybe a fools errand

Simmons vs. Gladwell: The Future of Football

These two rambling about the American football death spiral almost merits its own poll of schtick moments

*Simmons ref to Batfleck (as a peer with Brock Lesnar and LeBron?)
*Gladwell kicking off with "...at a RAND Conference in Santa Monica"
*Gladwell then digressing into boxing history (with no mention of head injuries in the sport)
*Simmons immediately making an ad hoc list of "TWELVE 'second conversations'" that have nothing to do with gambling
*Gladwell defending Goodell by explaining how Goodell's dad was a principled Republican with balls
*"[Source: Charles Goodell Wikipedia page]"
*Simmons making a parenthetical ref to defunct prime time game shows
*Gladwell pronouncing Chris Collinsworth to be the smartest football analyst in the game
*Gladwell drops in FACS trivia
*Simmons has a "simple fix" to keep veterans (i.e.: Tom Brady) from ruining cap space (actual simple fix: eliminate the cap?)
*Both of them go insane coming up with Rube Goldberg solutions to save the NFL from itself
*Gladwell admires the NCAA's overtime rules
*Simmons to Gladwell: (By the way, I like when you call the 32 NFL owners a “cartel.” I’m stealing that.)
*It keeps going for 8,400 words

a bit irritating how they go off on every possible tangent but it's a good conversation

though "17 week season, everyone has to take one week off" is really dumb

34 minute read, huh?

rip footbal

God this "which Goodfellas character is each NFL team?" podcast with Mike Lombardi is so lame. He's done this shit 1000 times already.

But it is Friday and I need something to listen to at work, so fuck it.

And then there was Billy Thousand Times, who got that nickname because he does everything 1000 times

lol

a lump of the purest simmons

loser leaves town loser leaves town loser leaves town

lmao @ bill asking gucci mane "you recognize this?" re pearl jam

thats one of the most horrifying things ive ever read

i want bill simmons to do an entire podcast where he just says rappers names

*bill simmons voice* kodak black... lil uzi vert... lil yachty... 21 savage... tyga... fredo santana... etc

lmao

incredible

i can hear it, hes talking fast

ok hes lost his damn mind

https://theringer.com/nba-sliding-doors-demarcus-cousins-boston-celtics-good-boogie-967f2f1b26e4#.w4n9qjahy
https://theringer.com/nba-sliding-doors-demarcus-cousins-boston-celtics-bad-boogie-8eb5898f2821#.o4jrj85wi

seriously wtf

i couldnt make it halfway through either of those

i think it's given me a moment of clarity though that boogie will never be on the celtics

i think they will get him and itll go one of two ways...

the ringer naming a bit after some rando movie no one remembers is a lil too on the nose

so not reading that

whoa that is the worst fanfic i've ever read

i used to think '2008 nfl re-draft' was the worst kind of sports idea but no longer

Celtics coach Brad Stevens never expected Cousins to settle on Beacon Hill, an iconic Boston neighborhood known for its brick sidewalks, winding hills, and vast array of stores and restaurants. Both Stevens and boss Danny Ainge believed that Cousins was better served living near the team’s new practice facility in Allston-Brighton. But Cousins didn’t want to play for Boston; he wanted to breathe it. One day after what’s been affectionately nicknamed The Heist (we’ll get to that), Cousins spent two hours wandering through Back Bay, through Boston Common and down Charles Street before heading up to Cambridge. When he glanced left and noticed Shriners Hospitals for Children, that’s when Cousins knew. Beacon Hill. It had to be.

worst boston wish fulfillment fantasy since boondock saints

that paragraph can't possibly be real

*snorts a line of the finest powdered wahlberg*

boogie strolling around beacon hill w/a baguette under his arm is the most insane image anyone has ever conjured

A longtime Raiders fan, he respectfully shunned the Patriots but won points locally by frequenting Fenway Park, one of many reasons he clicked with Bostonians right away. “They’re like me,” he offers. “They care, they really care. They actually care too much. They can be a little hot-headed about it. That’s like me. We just understand each other.”

simmons is fascinatingly bad at voice or capturing the way a human might speak

Every Celtics home game feels especially Boogie-centric. You can’t walk 5 feet without seeing a Cousins jersey. During the introduction of the starting lineups, every Celtics starter gets cheered until the announcer belts, “And from the University of Kentu- …” as the remaining words get drowned out. Every Cousins trip to the foul line, and there have been a slew of them, triggers serenades of either “Boo-gee! Boo-gee!” or “M-V-P! M-V-P!” And Gino’s goofy victory dance from the KG era died of natural causes, getting supplanted on the video screen by KC and the Sunshine Band singing “Boogie Shoes” (and, of course, Boogie’s head superimposed on KC). Celtics play-by-play legend Mike Gorman says simply, “Only Larry. That’s the only other guy who had … this.”

https://giant.gfycat.com/HarshInnocentFrenchbulldog.gif

http://deadspin.com/inspiring-man-who-single-handedly-brought-down-roger-g-1791962914

On the perception that, between HBO canceling his show and Medium abandoning his business model, his post-ESPN ventures have not had a great year:

I mean, people love to construct narrative.

heh

have to admire his dedication to the trade concepts lifestyle

On inventing the concept of “blogging” in 2016:

And what we’ve realized is, there’s like a three-hour window after something happened when you have to have a piece up.

Let’s say Paul George gets traded to the Celtics. At Grantland, maybe we wait until the next day to write about that. Here, we have to write within three hours, because there’s a three-hour window where I’m like, “Paul George got traded to the Celtics and I want to read everything about it.”

how long before the ringer is just a podcast network

Snapchat doesn’t give a fuck.

snapchat is like so trill

Did Bill Simmons run over Deadspin's dog or something? They really seem to have an ax to grind with him.

yeah it's pretty sad

Not that I like the Ringer at all.

The Ringer remains a joke
https://theringer.com/lebron-is-the-eastern-conferences-savior-8ab5602aed43#.oz34l9wlf