Remake/Remodel: DC Rebirth so you don't have to

Your descriptions have made the Harley Quinn comic sound completely insane, is this accurate y/n

you mean batman #10, yes? The bane/catwoman book? That was surprisingly good.

Harley Quinn is not as insane as It thinks it is, but I'm reporting accurately, It's a fun book, but pretty forgettable. My favourite bit is still that Red Tool has speech bubbles in the shape of tools. Did I mention there's a giant walking talking egg that plays drums?

Haven't read Bats #10 yet, a couple of weeks behind. The Cats reveal was great though, the Joker takeout was really well played.

'Night of the Monster Men' is probably the worst Batman story arc since 'Hush Returns'. They should have just had Batman pull out a can of Batman Monster Repellent and be done with it.

Action Comics #966

Superman makes spaghetti and meatballs while Lois is at work. Lana gets outed and Dead Lois explains that she's dead. Alive Lois hugs lots of people.

Action Comics #967

Supes and Jon discuss superhero fashions to distract themselves from mosquitoes and find the building that went missing a few issues ago in the jungle. Lex reveals his new Super-Suit which is Powered By Apokalips because what happened in the Johnsiverse Justice League might have also happened after all in the Rebirthiverse and some God Killers have arrived to take Lex back there. By killing him, obviously.

All Star Batman #4

Kick Ass Batman escapes in a biplane but gets captured again. This has gone on for a bit.

Aquaman #10

Mera reads a book at discusses what it means with her book group. The Woman That Says Crikey! turns up for the first time in an age, because she's been told what the next plot is. She says Crikey. The plot from the previous issue is not mentioned until the last page.

Batgirl #4

After a lecture about how Korea is inferior to America, Burnside Babs flies to China chasing a boy. It turns out he has been cured of a chemical he was carrying in his stomach because Chinese medicine cures everything. Still less impressive than Burnside Babs being able to look at whatever she likes on the Chinese Interwebs.

Batgirl BoP #4

The Secret History of the Johnsiverse Huntress. Batgirl Babs is good at computers, but might be schizophrenic. They all ride motorbikes.

Batman #10

Who knew that broken backs heal in an hour? (Joking aside, the Batsquad continues apace, looks like Bane is the target. Another good issue.)

Batman Beyond #1

I have rarely been less interested in a comic.

Blue Beetle #2

Blue Beetle has a bug 'posse' now. Doesn't make it readable though.

Cyborg #4

Cyborg battles his own memories and a giant worm. Because worm is a type of computer virus. Obviously. That pun is the best thing about it.

Deathstroke #5&6

Still shit. If you want to understand how shit, this is the plot: in order to spend time with his daughter, Slade hires an assassin to kill her which means he has to hang out with her as her bodyguard and protect her. Once she found out about that Slade kidnapped Robin so she would team up with Batman and come and find him. Then he fights some lions for unclear reasons. Still the worst Johnsiverse book by some margin.

Detective Comics #943 ΰ

The Batgang think again about the Attack of the Mignola Men while Bats beats up Batwoman's dad. Everybody else mopes about banging on about how shit their lives are then go to a big party to celebrate. The new bad guys crash the party and Batjinks ensue.

Green Arrow #10

On the train under the sea Dinah puts on a dress and Ollie stops people from drinking champagne while giving a THE FINGER speech. A waste of paper.

Green Lanterns #10

The Phantom Ring is the same as the Orange Ring. Nobody mentions this but I can't be the only one that notices. Claustrophobic Lantern is Trapped In The Closet.

Hal & The GLC #7&8

Hal and Sinestro wave their cocks at each other until Hal blows up Sinestro's planet. This convinces the Green and Yellow Lanterns that THEY'RE THE SAME MAAAN. Hal is dead. (Again. But won't be. Again.)

Harley Quinn #7

Harley goes to a cosplay sex club as herself. A horse pisses on Glenn Danzig. The talking egg gets drunk. I wish I was making this up.

Justice League #8

Cyborg can't tell the back from the front which lets him get hacked. Obviously this makes all the guns in the Batcave attack Batman. To compensate, Cyborg jumps into space (which fixes hacking) then crashes the Watchtower into San Francisco. Then, I don't know, everyone's brain gets hacked and they fight each other.

Midnighter & Apollo #2

Oh fuck, it's Daemonite shit again. NOBODY CARES DC.

New Super-Man #5

This wants to be the Giffen/de Matteis JL SOOOOOOO MUCH. It isn't. Still, maybe "jackwads" can gain traction as an insult?

Nightwing #8

Dick turns Dadwing over to Spyral even though they don't exist. And then hugs Bruce because HE'S REALLY MY DAD YOU'RE NOT I HATE YOU I'M GOING TO MY ROOM.

Red Hood #4

Still gritty. Still not fun.

Suicide Squad #5

Waller thinks she can control Zod. Rick Flag thinks she can't so kills her. Bet that's undone before the next issue.

Supergirl #3

Cyborg Superman builds a fake Argo City to win Kara over. She's not won over and punches him through the moon. She can punch me through the moon any time. <swoon>

Superman #10

Damian Wayne wants to punish Jon for setting fire to the cat, but their dads argue instead. While that's going on they bond over Bat-Cow. Then start punching each other into cow muck. This upsets their dads. A lot.

Superwoman #4

This is the same story as Action #966. Which is a way to make money I suppose.

Teen Titans #1

The one with Damian Not Dick and Black Wally Not Ginger Wally. It turns out Damian put the team together because he had a really disappointing birthday party. But nothing actually happens in the book.

Flash #9 & 10

In #9 Wally and Wally save Barry, who might also be Daniel (who he?). None of them think it strange, or try and explain. On the plus side we see the Rebirthiverse Chunk. On the minus side I had to read it. In #10 The Shade turns up and it's set months (years?) after what's happening in Teen Titans. Not sure how that works wrt continuity.

Hellblazer #3

OH LOOK A BREXIT PARODY

Titans #4

The one with Dick Not Damian and Ginger Wally Not Black Wally. Kadabra tries to kill Linda Park in a bizarre moustache twiddling silent film villain way. It's entertaining at least.

Wonder Woman #9

Steve Trevor gives his boss a flower while Diana goes clothes shopping. They go on a playdate and she tells him about shagging Superman. This doesn't put him off so they make out then she takes him to meet her mother.

Wonder Woman #10

The Year Zero stuff continues. This week, shopping and margaritas!

Not going to lie, working through these was really difficult. I might be done here.

Is Bat-Cow canon now

aldo, can you compare and contrast "dc rebirth" with earth-prime 2016 and let us know which is more awful?

Yes, Bat-Cow is canon now. Whatever that means these days.

rushomancy, I'd rather read 1000 more election result trauma pieces than another DC book just now. And I just downloaded this week's pack.

Having slept on it, doing this write-up has killed me. I realised that the thought of reading 20 or so books when I came back from holiday had filled me with dread and I was putting off reading them because I knew they were such UTTER shit for by far the most part. Out of that whole three weeks of comics the only ones I enjoyed were ASB, Batman, Harley Quinn, Supergirl, Superman, maybe Teen Titans, actually Titans and maybe Wonder Woman (odd numbers). That's a really poor hit rate.

So I'm bowing out. I'll still probably skim the titles and I'll post any ACTUAL REBIRTH PLOT here but there wasn't any since the last issue of Titans and none in this so I think it might just all be forgotten about. I'd like to say it's been fun, but we all know that's a lie. It's been... an experience.

We salute you for your service! Go enjoy the sun freezing winds on your face.

God bless you for your service, aldo. My question continues to be who (besides masochists) has been buying this shit for the past five years?

rushomancy, I'd rather read 1000 more election result trauma pieces than another DC book just now. And I just downloaded this week's pack.

― Horizontal Superman is invulnerable (aldo)

thanks. sometimes i need a reminder that this is not, actually, the worst of all possible worlds. :)

best holidays to you, aldo, in your recovery from your long nightmare

what they said. enjoy your freedom!

So glad that some sense has fallen on you, aldo.-

Makes me want to read Superman and Rebirth in general:
http://www.polygon.com/2017/1/10/14119712/dc-comics-rebirth-superman

i got into the sixth paragraph explaining why there are two supermen in the dc universe and gave up. i'm a giant fucking nerd and even i couldn't be bothered trying to parse what was going on. i did enjoy the writer's acknowledgement that new readers would be confused but that they should just sit back and enjoy it anyway, which seems insanely optimistic

and lol at the idea of the remade dc universe being a happier, sunnier place when the article prominently features an image of superman and superboy literally punching the jaw clean off a villain's skull

Superman is the brightest light in the small cluster of Rebirth books that are actually any good (but it should be noted that OF COURSE BECAUSE DC INCOMPETENCE) Trinity contradicts bits of Superman in that WW and Bats treat 80s Superman as if they've known him forever, or Aquaman where Superman is actively an executive branch of the US government (that's the Aquaman who is an enemy of the state, not the one in Justice League who is friends with everyone). Without going near GL getting to ignore any elements of reboot it likes because it's Geoff Johns' favourite player.

Anybody who thinks Rebirth is actually a good idea or solves anything is a lunatic, it's another sticking plaster on top of DC You's sticking plaster on top of Convergence's sticking plaster on top of New 52's sticking plaster on top of Final Crisis' sticking plaster on top of on top of on top of all the way down to CoIE's original wound.

i still can't believe dc didn't stick with the concept of hypertime

The worst part is that none of it needed fixing in the first place. Nobody cared that Golden Age Superman had different power levels to Silver Age. Nobody cared that nobody cared who shot Batman's parents. "Omits just a Multiverse" was a good enough handwave and meant that when things like Flash of Two Worlds happened it was thrilling and a specific exception because of a weird set of circumstances (see also Multi-Doctor Doctor Who stories).

I know it sounds like I go on about continuity in DC books, but that's only because post-CoIE they insist THERE IS ONE. If they set that as a rule then they need to comply with it (see also Modern Doctor Who).

And of course also there's BIGGER THAN THE LAST ONE Event Publishing which escalates everything to impossible levels and resets the bar for hyperbole at ridiculous intervals (see also Modern Doctor Who and Sherlock).

Continuity aside, I think there's been a mild-to-moderate uptick in quality across the DC line, although Eddie Berganza still works there, so my general feeling is still screw 'em. Some of the Young Animal titles pretty good too, even if it has "cancelled by September" stamped over it.

Like, the Suicide/JLA crossover that's happening right now is by no means good, but it's certainly about 6000% less bad than it would have been this time three years ago. Baby steps! It's still fanwank, mind.

DC COMICS: NOT GOOD BUT BETTER

Makes me want to read Superman and Rebirth in general:

I read the first 90 or so paragraphs before noping out, and she was still going on about characters getting respect as if they're people, and not talking about authors or art or ethics or politics and it didn't make me want to read either rebirth or anything else she or that website ever publish

Yeah, the little that I read was not convincing. And believe me, I'd love to be convinced that DC got its shit back together. I'm a hardcore Marvel stan but I was reading maybe like an average of a dozen DCU titles for a number of years until Flashpoint, when I abruptly stopped and have not returned.

Thumbs up to Young Animal, though. It's like the early years of Vertigo all over again.

I don't have any sense that things will continue to get better, just that they've reached a comfortable plateau of just-about-averageness for the first time since 2009-ish.

All that said we've arrived at the age where the best book DC are publishing is probably The Flintstones.

Speaking of which, there's a full-on DCU/Hanna-Barbera crossover in a couple of months seemingly in continuity.

Why the hell not, we already have a presumably in-continuity comic of John Constantine battling Dark Orko.

Flintstones _IS_ really good btw

psyched for george jetson vs batman tbh

The cognitive dissonance of mostly decent creators working on comics adapting Hanna Barbera properties (which I always considered the nadir of childhood entertainment) for DC (which has largely been a dud of a company for a while) which are somehow good against all odds is doing my head in.

pictures of minor riots and skirmishes and police with pepper spray in washington being shown on the bbc right now

Crisis on Earth-2

i leave it to your imagination as to whether i posted in the wrong thread

WHITHER HAWKMAN WHEN WASHINGTON NEEDS HIM

This is Earth Prime

I dunno what cable news channel YOU'RE watching but i beg to differ

Just because we elected Per Degaton doesn't mean it's changed.

http://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/2471785174/HATE.JPG

Both DC and Marvel have been in a big rut for the past few years. I'm trying with the Batman titles, but they swing from doing a scene that might be cool to some of the dumbest Batman comics I have ever read and I have read a few.

It's definitely a different era of comics when they have Batman both getting it on with Catwoman in a current story and put out a movie where he gives it to Batgirl. The nurds definitely have taken over the temple.

Charles Soule's current run on Daredevil has been pretty good.

A new level of customer contempt from DC saw no less than 4 regular books clock in at under 20 pages.

Seriously? That's fucked.

I only noticed when I got to the end of Superman and was confused because it felt like I'd just started reading it. And at 18 pages, I had.

How bizarre.

the food is terrible - and such small portions!

Dr. Manhattan farted, and rebooted the DCU for the 52nd time...

Huh, guess I missed that news about the DC pagecount. What turds. IIRC, Marvel pulled that nonsense under Jemas (the era that also brought us ads indiscriminately plopped between the pages of what was intended to be a two-page spread).

If last week's issue of New Super-Man is true and Ching Lung from Detective Comics #1 is actually the creator of the Rebirthiverse then I could almost see my way to forgiving everyone involved.

Does anyone know about current plans for the Legion of Super-Heroes? Weren't they teased in the "Rebirth" one-shot?