EXCELSIOR is the second solo album by British musician LOLZ Coombes.

i cracked an FDR joke on a date with a girl who then informed me of her dad's rare polio-related disability, get on my level

She was probably just looking for a kind shoulder to lean on.

Did you put a finger in your collar and pull it while gulping audibly?

i made a joke about the IRA to someone who later informed me had an aunt die in the Omagh bombing. was tempted to give the rejoinder: "well, technically, i was talking about the Provisionals and that was 'The Real IRA'" but thought better of it

Lj level clarification imo

Also in school a friend and I were joking about a Scottish actor who had committed suicide after being accused of paedophilia and a girl standing with us revealed that she was his niece. That was awkward.

i made a joke on a blind date once about stabbing a hobo to impress her. she then informed me she was a hobo that had recently been stabbed.

feel like in ilx 2016 the wheels are starting to turn that will cause a shakedown of the current establishment

I made a joke about lawyers to someone who later informed me their father is in hell.

I made a joke once and it was on ilx

at work i made a joke about a chicken crossing the road and it turns out everybody in my office is related to the same chicken that got killed in a hit and run accident

when i'm joking no one gets it

when i'm serious everyone laughs

well nobody pays attention to me

ive been posting on ilx for over a decade and have been excelsiored once

I once watched a standup dvd with some schoolfriends of mine, and the standupper is raging about his shitty old german teacher called Leila 'The Whore' Bacher, and my friend says '... that's my aunt...'

heartening to see that the themes of comedy are so universal

My partner has MS and has serious mobility issues at times, sometimes people think she is drunk or on drugs by the way she walks and she is a tea-total lifer. You can never underestimate how much humour can help people navigate through bad times like this. I regularly go to lots of events where the majority of people are either on the autism spectrum or physically disabled. I couldn't face these people if I felt like a hypocritical arsehole who lolled at disablism on message boards. But I really don't feel like Alfred's post is in that category at all.

I don't mean this as pass/agg rebuke to LJ, because I have gone through periods where I might have reacted the same.

anyways I'll stfu now

that's fair enough

sorry everyone, i was more annoyed by the childish non-humour of it than any problematic thorn but excelsior is probably best left unexamined in any sense. i can't help myself when you're all 'lol banging! wheelchair! haw' tho

I would've gone with a "Warm Springs" pun myself.

yalta relax about this

‽

yalta conference

nomar is nobly steering this thread back to hilarity :p

the only thing we have to excelsior...

having kids = every goddamn dime is accounted for ime

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 6 September 2016 18:43 (one week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Withdrawing the d is a bit late now

― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Tuesday, 6 September 2016 18:45 (one week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

If we're gonna tear the excelsior walls in around us I say let's do it with some fuckin swagger

that's p good tbfttl

^^^as much of an olive branch as i can muster in this heat

No ob required to me mayne you've survived a lot worse outbursts while maintaining favour

And calzino hasn't verbally knifed u, so I think you're safe for now, for a wonder

embolden me at our collective peril

this excelsior thread has frederik's oasis movie pitch in it so not ever a dead loss no matter what else is posted

Fred's ok apart from us politics but hardly alone in being ruined utterly by all contact with same

Trump is like Clooney in Burn After Reading, with a top secret basement project that turns out to be an insane dildo bike. "How will I fight terrorism? Oh, just you wait, I have a plan. I have a plan so good you won't believe!" And it turns out to be a dildo bike.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, September 19, 2016 4:04 PM (twenty-one minutes ago)

haha

i hope this isn't an inappropriate time to introduce my new line of penis pills

― I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Monday, September 19, 2016 10:19 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Elevator pitch

― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Monday, September 19, 2016 10:19 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no problem -

in a nutshell, my new line of pills will make your stick shift to new gears that require more flexible underwear to contain your baloney pony. order now and get a free pair of underwear from the gently used pile at no extra cost! now if you wouldn't mind pressing the lobby button for me, my mayo shooting hotdog gun has created a sticky situation for my hands. i'd shake your hand but my purple-headed yogurt flinging schlong dongadoodlin' steamin' semen *door closes*

― I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Monday, September 19, 2016 10:26 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

any criticism for that should be directed to http://ncfm.org/2011/06/activities/san-diego/174-ways-to-call-a-penis-something-other-than-penis/

I wonder if they have to give all those kids back now

― Dominique, Tuesday, September 20, 2016 8:25 AM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think Mia Farrow has some empty rooms

― The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, September 20, 2016 8:29 AM (two hours ago)

Most people mellow with age. Not Henley. Henley's like a finely aged bottle of bleach.

― Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, September 23, 2016 4:02 PM (three hours ago)

As our children will one day read in their history books (in the chapter titled “We’re Sorry”)

chapter?

― florence foster wallace (difficult listening hour), Thursday, September 29, 2016 3:41 PM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, most of history has been pretty chill, iirc.

― I Still Don't Regret My Crazy Town Neck Tat, and Here's Why (Old Lunch), Thursday, September 29, 2016 3:52 PM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You're Welcome (We're Sorry): A History of Human Civilization

― Οὖτις, Thursday, September 29, 2016 3:55 PM (five hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm thinking high school textbook. Sorry Not Sorry: The American Story

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, September 29, 2016 4:01 PM (five hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

If We Did It

― I wish you could see my home. It's... it's so... exciting (Jon not Jon), Thursday, September 29, 2016 4:09 PM (five hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ya

'We're sorry: a story of your forebears' as a school text would be a pretty good way to get the older section of the right to have strokes and die.

am I crazy or does Jazz Loon not have enough loon on it.
― Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Friday, September 30, 2016 11:15 AM (thirteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean, if I'm going to listen to an hour plus of Jazz Loon, then I really want to hear that loon blow
― Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Friday, September 30, 2016 11:16 AM (twelve minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

c'mon man it's the notes the loon doesn't play
― meat emissions (bizarro gazzara), Friday, September 30, 2016 11:19 AM (nine minutes ago)

Our Bad: An American Tapestry

pour one out for Diarrhea Buttballs

― ¶ (DJP), Friday, September 30, 2016 7:12 PM (fifty-one minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh he can do that himself.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, September 30, 2016 7:14 PM (forty-nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Lol

gold

Alternate universe: "Weird Al" releases first album in 1980, rides Gaucho coattails by calling his Groucho, ruins Groucho schtick for future musicians, Humpty from Digital Underground has to adopt Zeppo persona, Digital Underground goes nowhere, Tupac Shakur never gets his break, you fill in the blanks.

― O-Keigh (O-Keigh), Sunday, April 30, 2006 3:32 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That is a thing of beauty.

Although at the end of that my brain immediately kicks off the refrain to "How Bizarre"

lol

Pretty sure Shock G would've gone with a Harpo formula, but yes, I am overthinking this.