your terrible ideas

"Breakaway" musical equipment -- basically guitars, amps etc. that are designed to "break" on stage when you smash them but actually survive, e.g. the guitar is pre-split and held together by wires or something.

This was an Invention Exchange on an old MST3K episode!

it's very possible I saw that episode and the idea was in the recesses of my brain as a result. I watched a lot of that show when I was younger.

a boardwalk style t-shirt that says "Privilege Inspector"

Asocial "Just Us" Warrior

more broadly I feel like Social Justice Boardwalk Tees is a good terrible idea

Suns Out Buns Out...
Is Not An Invitation to Harass Me

I've just eaten a Sainsbury's raspberry tiramisu - basically a regular tiramisu, except that underneath the regular cocoa/marscapone/Marsala top half, instead of coffee liqueur soaked sponge, it had mashed up raspberries and regular sponge. My terrible idea it to do the reverse of that, so the coffee liqueur soaked sponge is topped with a layer of English style yellow custard and then a layer of whipped cream topped with hundreds and thousands.

Your edible ideas

A vampire movie set in depressing clubs where they have like foam parties and shit, entitled Unts Bitten.

A Deus Ex themed restaurant, where instead of getting what you ordered, you get random food. So when the waiter brings the food to your table you can say "I didn't ask for this".

A theme restaurant where you must state your order to the waiter i.e. "I want the No. 3 with extra horseradish."

So when the waiter brings the food to your table you can say "I didn't ask for this".

a single family home in suburban phoenix that is always out of horseradish and refuses to serve you because they claim it's not a restaurant and you entered through the unlocked basement door

a giant bottle of horseradish within which you are forced to make yr home bc tho it is filled w/ horseradish it is warm and provides sustenance and the wolves are howling and the night is cold

a restaurant for wolves

I didn't ask for any of this.

Wolf debate team

an electric brass band with a shitload of pedals and delay units and an array of bad drum machines all into one big desk that I'm in charge of

oh wrong thread

bbc show about a tough streetwise cop with anger problems in the shower trying to exfoliate

LOOFAH

A startup for express delivery of fresh work clothing to business dudes who blackout drunk and shit or puke themselves.

feel like japan has to have something like that

A Deus Ex themed restaurant, where instead of getting what you ordered, you get random food. So when the waiter brings the food to your table you can say "I didn't ask for this".

― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Friday, 9 September 2016 18:43 (three days ago) Permalink

i do this whenever the check comes. hey-o!

web browser plugin that uses your camera. any time you blink, the page reloads.

having leeches tattoed all over yr body

A hybrid of Nick Nolte and John Coltrane called Nick Noltrane

my new flavor of LaCroix sparkling water: http://mylacroix.com/taint-sweat/57d9ae01e2e2480580201fcd

hahahaha I called mine "taint sweat" too! great minds etc.

A Nine Inch Nails tribute band who always begin their gigs half an hour after the advertised start time. They'd be named Pretty Late Machine.

I've been watching Pee Wee's Playhouse with my kid and Hannibal with my wife and now I really want to see a Pee Wee's Playhouse movie with Scott Thompson in some sort of nemesis role, like he moves into a similar but even wackier playhouse right next door.

Been thinking Krispy Kreme should introduce a product called the Krispy Kreme Creepy Clown Cronut.

Not spelling it with all Ks though because that joke seemed too on the nose or something.

A packet of bits of Krispy Kreme icing, called Kremey Krisps.

A Gay Dad tribute act made up entirely of pensioners, called Grey Dad.

Saw something on facebook last night about how people shouldn't be idiots and wear played out Harambe costumes for halloween, and as I was falling asleep thought about how somebody should dress as Beyonce while eating pork, drinking alcohol, and offering loans with interest so they could be HARAM BEY for halloween.

Such a stupid joke but I was all hazy and found it hilarious as I was lying in bed for a minute

I laughed

A Gay Dad tribute act who play slide guitar with an open D tuning, called Gay DADF#AD.

An LP of covers of 4'33" done by a member of the Wu Tang Clan - ODB: 0dB

haaa

A cover of The La's 'There She Goes' performed by a deep sea trawlerman, titled 'Thar She Blows!'.

A Rammstein themed bathroom fittings shop called Mein Tile.

I was watching Planet Earth and thinking about how it put so much of the human garbage happening in the world in an entirely different perspective and evokes a sense of awe and wonder and even hope, so my terrible idea is Planet Earth but with Trump in the corner of the screen giving a running commentary. Maybe the worst idea I've ever had.

hahaha

"This sloth is a loser. He's a mess. Real low energy animal."

sry just broke my personal rule of never doing corny-ass Trumpspeak jokes

I was watching Planet Earth and thinking about how it put so much of the human garbage happening in the world in an entirely different perspective and evokes a sense of awe and wonder and even hope, so my terrible idea is Planet Earth but with Trump in the corner of the screen giving a running commentary. Maybe the worst idea I've ever had.

Definitely the worst idea.

Hillary Clinton standing on a bridge, about to jump, when an older woman suddenly appears and jumps off first. Hillary dives in and saves her.

- "What's the matter with you?"
- "Hi, Hillary. I'm Eleanor. I've heard a lot about you."

They go to NIck's.
- "Why's he spraying the pharmacist with seltzer?"
- "Health Care was never passed in the 90s, so the pharmacist wasn't able to give the underinsured any medicine. Everyone hates him now."
- "But.."
- "Let's move on.

- "Ok, a vacant field..."
- "This vacant field here in West Memphis was supposed to be a big Toyota plant. But they went elsewhere because they couldn't find skilled educated workers in Arkansas. No one had been there to lead reform."
- "But I..."
- "Let's move on."

- "What happened to Washington DC? What's with all the gaudy gold lettering and fake tits?"
- "There was no one to stop Donald Trump from becoming president."
- "FOR THE LOVE OF..."
- "Wait, there's one more thing."

- "Here's Bill. Crammed into a tavern booth, a redhead on one arm and a brunette on the other."
- "Eleanor, what was the fucking point of - "
Ding! Ding!
- "Listen, Hillary! Another Democrat just supported the war!"

A reworking of R.E.M.'s Stand to the tune of Drowning Pool's bodies.

Stand! Nothing wrong with facing
North! Nothing wrong with facing
West!

Fox-Lax. A product that gives you unstoppable diarrhea when you watch cable news.

I follow someone on twitter who has a funny picture of a chihuahua as their profile pic, and I always feel happy when I see the chihuahua picture pop up in my feed regardless of the content of their tweet, so I think there should be a feature on twitter that lets you choose an alternative profile picture for particular accounts, and then have that picture be the one that appears in your feed next to their tweets. that way, if there's someone you dislike but feel obliged to follow on twitter for some reason, you at least will get to see a funny picture of a chihuahua (or whatever) every time one of their tweets appears.

seems like that should be a doable as a browser plugin

Ouevr: a subscription mail-order music service that sends you an artist's entire discography piece by piece, preserving the original time intervals between releases so that you can experience their career 'in real time'. ex. if you subscribe to Pink Floyd, you'll start off with

'Arnold Layne' (March 10, 2017)
'See Emily Play' (June 16, 2017)
The Piper at the Gates of Dawn (August 5, 2017)

and so on, and so on, until you finally get to The Endless River on November 7, 2054.

to build up hype and immerse you in the original cultural context, the service will send you vintage press releases and magazine ads in anticipation of major releases, and for added verisimilitude, you'll have the option of picking up the records at a fake record store on their respective 'release dates'.

eventually the service will expand to cover entire time periods, so if you're an '00s kid born in the wrong generation, you can spend the next 10 years receiving all the essential vinyls and cassettes and CDs a typical indie kid would have purchased in the '90s.

if you're not interested in getting physical copies of the albums, you can subscribe to a streaming service that 'unlocks' an artist's output in chronological order, and if you're impatient you can accelerate the process and consume a discography at 5 times or 10 times or 20 times its original duration.

if the business model is successful, it might even cross over into other media, ex. Pynchon's complete works, every issue of Cerebrus, every Mac product the average techie would have bought from 1984 onward, etc.

(oops, that should read '1/5 or 1/10 or 1/20th of its original duration')