Hell Is Other People At Breakfast - Caring For Your Introvert

Introvertdear prompted to take Meyers-Briggs for maybe the 12th time. And I continue to get slightly different results, but certainly always Introvert. Does anyone have the latest stats re: percentage of people identifying intro vs extro? I want to say it was something like 25% vs 75%, which explains why these articles and websites for support, or clarification on why introversion is "ok" keep popping up.

A lot of this thread rings true to me, unfortunately, including the stuff about how introversion claims are covers for depression. Not because I think it's true, but because I know some other people do. To me, introversion is simply the concept that interacting w/other people is draining, and time alone is recharging. You still want to interract w/other people, but only until it gets to be too much. I don't think think it has anything to do w/depression at all. Anyone can be depressed.

For bipolar people depression can alternate with manic elation, which definitely has nothing to do with introversion.

I'm like textbook introvert in that 'extraverts draw energy from other people, other people draw energy from introverts' sense. I'm socially functional and I like people (and love the people who are part of my web) but intentionally very low-key (okay, maybe mostly withdrawn, even) on a social level because socialization exhausts me. And it's not just the immediate act of socializing but also all of the attendant scaffolding that needs to be erected around social obligations and expectations. I can do family and close close friends but anything beyond that...I've got like an hour tops before I'm spent.

I put off tasks which involve communicating with other people because all the dancing around trying to sound nice and helpful and reasonable, second-guess exactly what everyone wants, not upset anyone = so draining and daunting

this is not a way to be productive or feel good at work (or at home for that matter: feel bad about my total inability to stay in touch with anyone) and also has incurred a few financial costs and complications this year because I didn't want to query things/ask for refunds

I don't know what I'm asking rly, guess not "is this normal" because it isn't, maybe "does anyone else" or "can I fix this" or just a howl into the void

I also don't know to what extent it's some kind of social anxiety and to what extent just plain laziness, as def both are involved and play off each other

(I have failed to negotiate with another team at work, having put off writing that email for weeks and probably worsened my odds of getting a positive response in the process, and now have to ask my colleague to do some inconveniently timed extra tasks, which I am now also putting off as if hoping I'll die in the next hour or so instead of having to do it. this is an extreme example of a repeated pattern of avoidance)

it would help if work conversations could be had 1 on 1 so my awkward conversation could at least not be overheard by 10 other people, but that is not an option except via email, which has its own disadvantages e.g. no way to spot that your request is going down even worse than feared and improvise some concessions

It sounds like maybe some structure to limit the third-guessing and procrastination could help? Seems like that might be somewhere you can exert some control. I've no idea how to make interaction less fraught, sadly.

Thanks, El Tomboto. What kind of structure? Setting myself stricter deadlines for tasks involving communication? I fear I am too bad at ignoring self-imposed attempts at structure but of course it's a good skill to practise and I should do more of that.

I used to have a boss who I could call on for backup if anyone wouldn't take no for an answer, but the current one is hard to get hold of and I don't trust him to fight our corner

A colleague is leaving at the end of the month and is "giving a leaving lecture" because he finds that less awkward than going down the pub. This is not an academic colleague, btw.

APS, Yes, like do one uncomfortable thing every other day. Alternate home/personal with work tasks. Treat it like exercising.

Deadlines aren't useful but habits are.

Also "every other day" can be it's own reward mechanism, in that doing the thing means you get to not do it the day after

This is a thing I need to do in many respects, so, good idea to at least try out.

Also "every other day" can be it's own reward mechanism, in that doing the thing means you get to not do it the day after

I like this thinking!

Scik, what's the leaving lecture going to be about, do you know?

I have found my previous traditional leaving drinks/pub lunches kind of awkward and embarrassing, but public speaking is actively horrifying and having to prepare a talk is exactly the kind of thing I put off forever, so no way would I swap.

I can't believe I just fucked up the apostrophe its

gonna give a lecture when i move out of my apartment

it's gonna be about DOOR-SLAMMING and HALLWAY VOICES

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/31901827_10157401265114148_6592763726934310912_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=b7eaafd442efd1f183e4d6ed59a52494&oe=5B9C1D2E

Yes, thank you (although I would argue that most meetings could skip the call step and go straight to email).

That you have to have someone call you so you can adjust the ringer volume on your office phone is actually pretty funny.

lol had to do that today after getting a new headset...was used to being able to do test calls on Skype for Business but now we're on Teams who know

Usually experience holidays as a kind of a They Shoot Horses, Don’t They non-stop marathon of talking by the extroverts.

Every boring story is another you’ve gotta hear this! Dick’s Picks version of “Dark Star.”

Perhaps with this I have already alienated a good portion of the posters who have frequented this thread.

It is a choice one makes as an alternative to being alone. It could be fortunate to have a choice.
Family in particular ... why do we care what they say?

As someone who is often extremely extroverted but then has to recoup that energy later with some low-demand days, I'm balancing today between people I have to put a TON of energy into being around, ie people who I'm not on the same wavelength as, so I have to heavily moderate my behavior/reactions...and later, going to see people who are very low-effort ie we're on the same page on so many things that being around them is a pleasure.

More of the latter in my life, pls.

I mean idk if that's being extro OR intro-verted, I think it's just "being around people" but whatever.

amen to the latter

It's folks who talk about themselves at length but never once think to ask how I'm doing that I cannot be doing with anymore, which sadly is 90% of my wife's extended family.

Sorry. Feeling that one.

Seems to me some people just keep talking the way they would keep the engine running in their car so their battery won’t die.

when I used to hang out with people my favourites were those who talked about themselves without wanting or expecting any reciprocity

This is a interesting point. People talking about themselves at length is fine as long as they are picking up on the subtle or not-so-subtle cues of body language and such on whether you want to keep listening.

Which is similar to what MaresNest said.

I only learned “body language” is real a few years ago, I had thought it was made up for detective stories

i’m hyper-aware of body language & micro-expressions so my stories are like two sentences long bc i’ll cut it short at the slightest hint of boredom

but my inner self just constantly tells me to shut up even when ppl seem intetested so i’m a better listener than talker lol

I feel like I'm a pretty good listener and am genuinely interested in other people's lives.

I don't think I really require much reciprocal engagement, but when someone is sorta stuck on transmit all the while, I begin to get nervous and wonder why I'm even here.

Otm