trolls we should introduce in 2009

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if modestmickey did not already exist i would have to invent him

deej, Thursday, 23 August 2007 16:47 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: FigPucker
backstory: Klosterman-obsessed Wall Street trader. Minimum 3000 word count per post.

Jon Lewis, Friday, 24 August 2007 14:37 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: meniscus_walker
backstory: standard-issue horny little devil, activities limited to ILE.

Jon Lewis, Friday, 24 August 2007 14:41 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: The One and Only Ashley
backstory: light-hearted Watercooler, crush thread, and WDYLL contributor only who, after about four months, starts a thread linking to an op-ed article calling for the mandatory death sentence for all Muslims, saying "I think this is a good idea?"

Dom Passantino, Friday, 24 August 2007 14:43 (eleven years ago) Permalink

^^ didnt we already have that one?

Filey Camp, Friday, 24 August 2007 14:51 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: W.C. Handjob
backstory: even if he's not nude spock, he's still probably going to bug everyone.

ghost rider, Friday, 24 August 2007 14:54 (eleven years ago) Permalink

^^ didnt we already have that one?

Are you talking about LouJag or CJ?

Dom Passantino, Friday, 24 August 2007 14:59 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: plc9434
backstory: Undergraduate digital art major from midwest who had a bad Applecare experience and drops in on every mac thread to complain.

Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Friday, 24 August 2007 16:59 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃
backstory: insecure about his cock

El Tomboto, Friday, 24 August 2007 17:10 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: Jordan Sargent
backstory: dude with gay porn name talkin about lil wayne being "svelte" on a fucking mixtape track

and what, Friday, 24 August 2007 17:12 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: guestinformant
backstory: world's most insufferable Fall fan/MES quoter

Jon Lewis, Friday, 24 August 2007 17:30 (eleven years ago) Permalink

^^ every post in that annoying MES -ah -uh text impersonation people do

sanskrit, Friday, 24 August 2007 17:41 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: kornwall
backstory: has been lurking since 2003 and can use search function like a champ. shoots to top 10 on statscock within two weeks of first post.

gr8080, Friday, 24 August 2007 18:38 (eleven years ago) Permalink

login: arkadin
backstory: mostly-forgotten 2001-2002 ilx regular, now posts only cryptic bumps of ancient threads and brief expletive-laden attacks on current posters

ghost rider, Friday, 24 August 2007 18:42 (eleven years ago) Permalink

(did heave ho come from a snake 2 thread?)

Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Friday, 24 August 2007 18:47 (eleven years ago) Permalink

loling at echidna's arf

cutty, Friday, 24 August 2007 18:55 (eleven years ago) Permalink

heave ho, i always thought you came to us via guess papers, but you were reading ask a drunk 2 years ago, huh?

-- jergïns, Tuesday, July 3, 2007 6:50 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

more than that, i've been reading ask a drunk on LUSENET since 2001 and posting on lusenet's Middless Prattle after ask a drunk moved here.

-- Heave Ho, Tuesday, July 3, 2007 7:16 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark Link

gr8080, Friday, 24 August 2007 18:55 (eleven years ago) Permalink

loling at echidna's arf

i had several large beers at lunch and cannot stop giggling over this.

lauren, Friday, 24 August 2007 18:59 (eleven years ago) Permalink

why did i say 2009? next year is 2008.
losing my brane.

sanskrit, Friday, 24 August 2007 19:14 (eleven years ago) Permalink

maybe you are thinking about next fiscal year

bell_labs, Friday, 24 August 2007 19:15 (eleven years ago) Permalink

lauren thinks zappa minutiae is funny too?

cutty, Friday, 24 August 2007 19:15 (eleven years ago) Permalink

or is the fact that i'm loling make you lol in return

cutty, Friday, 24 August 2007 19:16 (eleven years ago) Permalink

the former.

(although the thought of you laughing fills me with indescribable joy, bubeleh.)

lauren, Friday, 24 August 2007 19:18 (eleven years ago) Permalink

also, making fun of hairy backs = always good for an immature roffle.

lauren, Friday, 24 August 2007 19:19 (eleven years ago) Permalink

ZAPPA WAS FUNNY NO DENY

chaki, Friday, 24 August 2007 23:27 (eleven years ago) Permalink

one year passes...
one year passes...

did any of these ever happen?

sarahel, Friday, 29 January 2010 09:53 (eight years ago) Permalink

login: Jordan Sargent
backstory: dude with gay porn name talkin about lil wayne being "svelte" on a fucking mixtape track

― and what, Friday, August 24, 2007 12:12 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

djembe jivin’ sidekick (Curt1s Stephens), Friday, 29 January 2010 10:24 (eight years ago) Permalink

login: kornwall
backstory: has been lurking since 2003 and can use search function like a champ. shoots to top 10 on statscock within two weeks of first post.

― gr8080, Friday, August 24, 2007 2:38 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

some dude, Friday, 29 January 2010 15:30 (eight years ago) Permalink

incredible first post

super sexy psycho fantasy world (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Friday, 29 January 2010 17:25 (eight years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

login: my favorite chinese democracy demos
backstory: this is the real John Vanderslice. he dislikes ppl calling him out for being John Vanderslice, so he adopts the persona of Axl Rose whenever he's tempted to discuss his music career, which is often.

why delonge face? (unregistered), Sunday, 10 July 2011 19:53 (seven years ago) Permalink

login: gorham
backstory: 15-year-old random googler and aspiring locksmith. starts a thread titled what makes titz jiggle ("ive been wondering this for ages does anyone know"). a weird patronizing cult of personality develops around him, and the 10,000-post ask gorham thread consists of people accusing the easygoing gorham of sockpuppetry or harassing him with phallic lock-and-key innuendos. ilx eventually shuts down as the server becomes overloaded with animated jigglingtits and pintumbler gifs.

why delonge face? (unregistered), Sunday, 10 July 2011 19:55 (seven years ago) Permalink

login: nerve net
backstory: seemingly ordinary poster who works the word "unnerve/unnerving/unnerves/unnerved" into every single one of his posts. few people notice at first because the word is always used in a meaningful context ("seriously unnerved by the lack of MGMT love in this place") but it gets weird when one minute he makes a post that's just the word "unnerving" repeated hundreds of times, and the next minute he starts a thread on the Moderator Request Forum that goes like, "[another ilx user] just used the u-word in [linked thread]. plz edit out the word, as it upsets me" (he does this for all new posts in which the word appears). never heard from again after some jokester changes all the board descriptions to, "unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve."

why delonge face? (unregistered), Sunday, 10 July 2011 20:27 (seven years ago) Permalink

login: pixar sucks
backstory: his parents were murdered by pixar and therefore he thinks pixar sucks. he only posts anti-pixar screeds in iambic pentameter.

Rachel Puppetry (latebloomer), Thursday, 14 July 2011 17:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

Shawn Shakra
Dude-bro who posts in a posi-chill hang-loose west coast style. Instantly hated by neggy denizens. Eventually outed as boring middle-aged guy from landlocked deep south.

it's a meme i made and i like (Steve Shasta), Friday, 15 July 2011 00:16 (seven years ago) Permalink

need that republican tbh

who shivs a git (darraghmac), Friday, 15 July 2011 00:34 (seven years ago) Permalink

gorham =

http://i.min.us/ibZSAg.gif

Pleasant Plains, Friday, 15 July 2011 01:00 (seven years ago) Permalink

four weeks pass...

Mitchell Party: guy who finds a way to mention either beanbags or jellybeans at some point in every single thread he posts in. eventually loses it and creates three very ANGRY threads in the space of one afternoon devoted to beanbag toss games

dell (del), Sunday, 14 August 2011 17:09 (seven years ago) Permalink

lol

why delonge face? (unregistered), Sunday, 14 August 2011 22:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

six years pass...

login: bollardguy1986
backstory:amateur photographer who seeks to document every bollard within a 50-mile radius of his home. he photographs the bollards from multiple angles and dedicates an I Love Photography thread to each one, quickly flooding the board with thousands of topics. annoyed by his behavior but hesitant to interfere with such a monumental project, the mods hastily rename I Love Cars "I Love Bollards" and advise bollardguy1986 to post there instead. he objects to their attempts to "ghettoize" his work, insisting that his photos exist for the enjoyment of all human beings from all walks of life, not just bollard enthusiasts. the mods admit defeat. several subreddits catch wind of his activities and celebrate him as an ironic folk hero. in response, he storms off the internet complaining about the memefication of fine art, but not before he approves a coffee table book and a MoMA exhibition of his work. ilx collapses under the weight of the increased traffic and the sudden influx of boorish redditors

the old rugged crocs (unregistered), Friday, 8 September 2017 00:32 (one year ago) Permalink

David Brooks
Fiftysomething syndicated columnist for a major American newspaper. "Leans right" politically but is more comfortable around liberals and centrists than other conservatives. Approaches ILX as a kind of cheerful anthropologist. Constantly writes these posts where he "steps back" from the conversation and writes about the "clash of fundamental values" he feels is on display.

Treeship, Friday, 8 September 2017 00:43 (one year ago) Permalink

2HYPE
four paragraph discussions about contemporary rap (like released in the past month only) with lengthy lyric quotes, continually suggests that everyone should check out Genius, calls tupac "2pak" without irony

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Friday, 8 September 2017 05:10 (one year ago) Permalink

I actually spent several days when I was on vacation a couple years ago very intrigued by the different types of bollards (and the word "bollard") and took several pictures

mh, Thursday, 14 September 2017 02:26 (one year ago) Permalink

hello i'm bollardguy

mh, Thursday, 14 September 2017 02:26 (one year ago) Permalink


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