this is the horny commiseration thread

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What, I can't be horny? If you cut me, do I not bleed? If you tease me, do I not get an erection?

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:56 (nineteen years ago) link

yes you can be horny but i sure as hell ain't gonna commiserate with you.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:57 (nineteen years ago) link

*worriedly searches the archive for joke posts that used Kenan as the feeder*

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:57 (nineteen years ago) link

well not without a reach-around at least

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Jon, you are not a dirty rock boy, you are dirty NOIZE boy, and besides, I would not lick you if you were the last dirty rock boy on earth as I don't want to get ringworm. ;-)

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Though, then again, considering how many drugs you take, I might get really high off licking you. Perhaps. I will consider it.

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:59 (nineteen years ago) link

There's no feeder, Dan. It's just me.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:01 (nineteen years ago) link

wait, does this have to do with my towel??????

what if i make SOUNDART?!?!?!

― Fuck You, Yamantaka Eye (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:02 (nineteen years ago) link

I hate soundart. I like DIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT:

http://www.trustlust.co.uk/albums/userpics/thelibertines/stockholm/9360.jpg

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:05 (nineteen years ago) link

he doesn't look dirty to me

― Fuck You, Yamantaka Eye (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:06 (nineteen years ago) link

That's the stuff!

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:07 (nineteen years ago) link

he shaved today for sure!

― Fuck You, Yamantaka Eye (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:07 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't get this "horny" thing.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:07 (nineteen years ago) link

Yes, but he is certainly SWEATY.

I'm really not sure what is going on with his stomach here:

http://www.trustlust.co.uk/albums/userpics/thelibertines/stockholm/9385.jpg

But it makes me horny anyway!

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:08 (nineteen years ago) link

kate, you're worse than those girls who run around east london with "libertine" tattooed on their upper arms!

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:09 (nineteen years ago) link

should i remove my stomach hair?!?!

― Fuck You, Yamantaka Eye (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:09 (nineteen years ago) link

The only thing I have tattooed on my arm is a giant PAISLEY.

Come on, Lauren. It's not as if I like them or anything. I just hate them so much I want to sleep with them. Kind of like the way JW feels about me. ;-)

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:11 (nineteen years ago) link

John, your search for the key to Kate's heart will, I fear, be quite futile.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:11 (nineteen years ago) link

i kid, kate, i kid.

(those girls do exist, though!)

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:12 (nineteen years ago) link

::sniff::

I'm not that bad. Honestly.

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:14 (nineteen years ago) link

I think the Libertines are playing here next week.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:14 (nineteen years ago) link

HI TREAT xpost 2 Lo-P!

― Fuck You, Yamantaka Eye (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:14 (nineteen years ago) link

hi deer.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:15 (nineteen years ago) link

They are utter rubbish. They sound like The Clash falling down a flight of stairs while drunk. Don't bother listening to them. But if you can figure out a way to LOOK AT THEM without actually having to hear their music, please let me know how coz I'd like to try!

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:15 (nineteen years ago) link

― Fuck You, Yamantaka Eye (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Do you think sealing my ears up with candle wax will do the job?

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:17 (nineteen years ago) link

Maybe candle wax, if combined with those special noise reduction headphones that block out the sound of the outside world...

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:18 (nineteen years ago) link

Kate, I think you already *did* find a way to look at them without hearing them, no?

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:21 (nineteen years ago) link

What, masturbation?

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:23 (nineteen years ago) link

That, too.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Those pics are already masturbalicious, is what I'm saying.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:25 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.dinosaur.org/celdinos/images/cdlwchal01.jpg

― Professor Challenger (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:26 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.globalherbalsupplies.com/earcandles/images/candlespic.jpg

― Professor Challenger (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:26 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.amethystlake.co.nz/images/ear%20candle%20demo.JPG

― Professor Challenger (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:27 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.relfe.com/Images/ear-candle-1-200w.gif

― Professor Challenger (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:27 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.earcandlesbylouise.co.nz/images/howto.jpg

― Professor Challenger (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:27 (nineteen years ago) link

What ARE those people doing? Is that some kinky kind of sex thing, or some weird kind of drug thing?

Either of which would be appropriate, but still, I wanna know!

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:28 (nineteen years ago) link

it's a natural method for getting wax build-up out of your ears.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:29 (nineteen years ago) link

by sticking a big stick of wax in your ears? that's what I call counterintuitive.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:35 (nineteen years ago) link

It did take my mind off of my penis for a moment, though, so thanks for that.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:36 (nineteen years ago) link

It feels REALLY weird, too.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:36 (nineteen years ago) link

Not your penis, but the ear candle.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Let's say both.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:38 (nineteen years ago) link

No, no, my doctor has expressly forbidden me to have any more ear fun, it gave me perpetual ear infections throughout my 20s.

Still, I'm going to hold on to the idea that it's some kind of kinky pervy drug thing, and incorporate it into my ~~libertines wank fantasies~~ work.

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:39 (nineteen years ago) link

Hey Kate, I'm getting horny thinking about YOU.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:39 (nineteen years ago) link

So sleep deprivation makes one really horny, huh? I never knew.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:39 (nineteen years ago) link

ear fun? You MUST elaborate.

um... I guess I've had it in the ear before...

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:40 (nineteen years ago) link

weed make professor challenger horny

― Professor Challenger (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:40 (nineteen years ago) link

candles and penises both flout the never put anything bigger than your elbow in your ear rule.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:40 (nineteen years ago) link

So sleep deprivation makes one really horny, huh? I never knew.

I think that may just be me. I haven't compared notes on that one before.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Skipping 913 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I was just tired and cranky

OK. You have no idea what my fevered brain made of it at the time... well, actually you probably do. I owe you an apology too... but let's draw a veil over that if we can.

Never mind the orgasms

...we're the tantric pistols. I've gotten quite interested in the idea that we have a chemical hangover from orgasms. Apparently it takes a couple of weeks to really kick in...

I'm trying to figure out whether or not I have a crush

Having a crush on someone's a pretty crap reason to actually try to get with them anyway, innit? I mean, it's gonna wear off...

― angle of dateh, Monday, 22 August 2005 15:03 (eighteen years ago) link

I've gotten quite interested in the idea that we have a chemical hangover from orgasms.

I dunno about that, but Oxytocin is definitely addictive. I mean, that's the whole point of it! And why you feel so crap when you break up with someone/stop having sex.

Having a crush on someone's a pretty crap reason to actually try to get with them anyway, innit?

What other reason *is* there to get with someone? Sure, you should have stuff in common with them, and enjoy their company and all that. But if you don't have a crush on them, why bother getting with them? Why not just be their friend?

(I think if I have to give it this much thought, I probably don't have a crush on this person. Or perhaps I'm still just mangled.)

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Monday, 22 August 2005 15:07 (eighteen years ago) link

Actually, that said, if I were to have casual sex with someone, it would probably be better if I *didn't* have a crush on them.

I mean, how do you go about *doing* that? How do you kind of approach a friend and say "hey, would you mind terribly if we had casual sex? I think it might be a good idea for both of us."

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Monday, 22 August 2005 15:15 (eighteen years ago) link

No, this is a terrible idea and can only lead to badness.

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Monday, 22 August 2005 15:24 (eighteen years ago) link

That's what wanks are for.

In good times
And bad times
I will rub one out because I'm bored
That's what wanks are for

― The Ghost of Dionne Warwick (Dan Perry), Monday, 22 August 2005 15:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Yes, I will now go home and rifle my room for fan fiction, Barbara Cartland's Love At The Helm, old issues of Country Life and any other wank-fantasy-material I can lay my hands on. Hurrah! That's that sorted, then.

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Monday, 22 August 2005 15:29 (eighteen years ago) link

What other reason *is* there to get with someone?

I kinda agree... and I kinda don't. Like, if you've got a crush and it's serious, you're basically temporarily mad, so you've gotta do something about it. But whatever that is, it's generally idiotic. This is all in the wrong thread...

I also think chemical responses ain't any path to real happiness.

― angle of dateh, Monday, 22 August 2005 15:32 (eighteen years ago) link

What *is* happiness but a chemical response, really?

Honestly... I know I'm coked to the gills on SSRIs lately, but really.

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Monday, 22 August 2005 15:34 (eighteen years ago) link

Now we're getting into the realms of philosophy. I've had my time on SSRIs too, aw Kate. It's strange the way chemical and enviromental factors combine to influence your mood. It's not one thing or the other...

― angle of dateh, Monday, 22 August 2005 15:41 (eighteen years ago) link

I HATE YOU DAN FOR THE IMAGE IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.

― Gag ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 22 August 2005 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

(a winner is me)

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 22 August 2005 16:16 (eighteen years ago) link

Playing is easy... or perhaps that should be, soft. Love is hard... or perhaps that should be, hell.

Ah, Kitchens Of Distinction *sigh*

Indeed. They bring a whole new meaning to Kate's mention of effects pedals, too!

― Ian Riese-Moraine: a casualty of social estrangement. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 22 August 2005 17:03 (eighteen years ago) link

After all, no-one used effects pedals quite like (or as well as) Julian Swales did.

― Ian Riese-Moraine: a casualty of social estrangement. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 22 August 2005 17:07 (eighteen years ago) link

Yeeeeeeah!!! I saw KoD loads in the early ninties and interviewed 'em once. Used to love em! The sounds that guy got out of his gittah were un-feckin-believable. Shimmering waterfalls of sound.

And... the first time we opened the capsule, everything went...

― angle of dateh, Monday, 22 August 2005 18:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh I give up.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 August 2005 18:11 (eighteen years ago) link

off to the convent?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 August 2005 20:30 (eighteen years ago) link

whooops! it was the third time we opened the capsule that everything went...

― angle of dateh, Monday, 22 August 2005 22:14 (eighteen years ago) link

IAN DID YOU SEE MY POST ABOUT YMA SUMAC PLAYING IN FLORIDA IN OCTOBER?!?!?!

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Monday, 22 August 2005 22:22 (eighteen years ago) link

Horny to guitar pedals in ten posts... oh no, we scared Luna off.

I had Kitchens of Distinctions CDs at one point, but my brother kept nicking them. Strange, because he hated all my other space/drone/shoegazer stuff. (Except maybe the Cocteau Twins whose records he also kept nicking.)

Did not wank last night. Watched CSI:BBC until I fell asleep.

― I Dream Of Sleep (kate), Tuesday, 23 August 2005 06:42 (eighteen years ago) link

I've been masturbating pretty furiously lately, but only out of boredom. Well, and I guess for the orgasms, because having one is usually better than not. But you really do get diminishing returns from wanking all the time. I need to save it for a couple of days for maximum gooeyness next time.

Also, looking at pictures of naked women sometimes does nothing to improve my mood. I came across a picture the other day that just killed me -- it was a woman's neck and shoulder. No tits, no ass, neck and shoulder. I wanted to kiss it so bad it was almost physically painful.

I did go over to the ex's apartment tonight and she hugged me a lot and sat in my lap through The Daily Show, and she smelled nice, and that should be enough to hold me for a few days.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Tuesday, 23 August 2005 07:28 (eighteen years ago) link

How could your brother not like Spacemen 3? I'm assuming you were a big fan of Sonic and co...

I am having attacks of remorse at my idiotic attitude towards you recently, Kate. They pass but anyway, sorry.

I'm not wanking either. Paunchy, can I humbly suggest - don't do it so much. Focus your energies elsewhere.

― angle of dateh, Tuesday, 23 August 2005 08:28 (eighteen years ago) link

Hmmm... not wanking but posting. Sounds like a Stevie Smith poem.

Nobody heard him, the bored man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was spending too much time on ilx
And not wanking but posting.

Poor dog, he always loved barking
And now he's bored.
They must have been too bold for him his balls gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too bold always
(Still the bored one lay moaning)
I stayed in all my life
Not wanking but posting.

― angle of dateh, Tuesday, 23 August 2005 10:02 (eighteen years ago) link

amazon is here for you

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 23 August 2005 18:51 (eighteen years ago) link

You can get anything on amazon now, huh?

― The Original Jimmy Mod: Kind Warrior (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Tuesday, 23 August 2005 18:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Man, I had more stupid dreams last night grrrr

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 23 August 2005 19:07 (eighteen years ago) link

six months pass...

"..."

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 24 February 2006 00:48 (eighteen years ago) link

agreed

― ai lien (kold_krush), Friday, 24 February 2006 03:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Two words. Bed death.

*sigh*

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 24 February 2006 03:26 (eighteen years ago) link

hot weather has brought out the hott girls. they're everywhere and you can't touch them! aaaargh!!

― destroye's noobies (haitch), Friday, 24 February 2006 04:55 (eighteen years ago) link

three years pass...

http://www.freewebs.com/kattmatt/Pan_Horned_God.jpg

― it's darn and ielle is hot (and what), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:12 (fifteen years ago) link

oh jesus wow

this is a dark day for gershy's reputation

― I want sprinkles (country matters), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:14 (fifteen years ago) link

http://please.leisuretown.us/dilhole/images/d003.jpg

― it's darn and ielle is hot (and what), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:14 (fifteen years ago) link

would like to see more dilbert/jerkcity hybrid plz

― obi don quixote (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:17 (fifteen years ago) link

http://please.leisuretown.us/dilhole.html

― it's darn and ielle is hot (and what), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:18 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.jerkcity.com/jerkcity3658.gif

― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:23 (fifteen years ago) link

the phrase "after the jump" grates on me for some reason

― pro bowl was fun (omar little), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:25 (fifteen years ago) link

yeah i think the first time i really noticed it was when i was readinClick for more!

― it's darn and ielle is hot (and what), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:27 (fifteen years ago) link