A Delicate Dilemma

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INT. GAIL'S BEDROOM. MORNING

Spud opens his eyes. With his fingers, he feels crusted liquid around his mouth.


Abruptly he turns around: the bed is soaked in vomit.


He looks under the cover and drops it again in revulsion.

INT. GAIL'S BEDROOM. DAY

Spud wipes the vomit from his chest with a pillowcase, which he dumps in the middle of the sheets before gathering the whole lot up as a bundle.

INT. GAIL'S HOME, HALL/KITCHEN. DAY

The door swings open to reveal the kitchen. Gail, her Father, and Mother are seated around the table, eating breakfast. They look towards Spud, who carries the knotted bundle of sheets as he approaches the table.

GAIL
Good morning, Spud.


SPUD
Morning, Gail. Morning, Mrs. Houston, Mr. Houston.


MOTHER
Morning, Spud. Sit down and have some breakfast.


SPUD
Sorry about last night -


GAIL
It's all right. I slept fine on the sofa.


SPUD
I had a little too much to drink. I'm afraid I had a slight accident.


FATHER
Oh, don't worry, these things happen. It does everyone good to cut loose once in a while.


GAIL
This one could do with being tied up once in a while.


MOTHER
I'll put the sheets in the washing machine just now.


SPUD
No, I'll wash them. I'll take them home and bring them back.


MOTHER
There's no need.


SPUD
It's no problem.


MOTHER
No problem for me either.


MOTHER
Honestly, it's no problem.


SPUD
I'd really rather take care of it myself.


MOTHER
Spud, they're my sheets.

She takes hold of the bundle.


Spud does not yield.


She pulls harder. Spud holds on. She tugs powerfully.


The bundle bursts open with an explosion of vomit and excrement that covers everything in the kitchen.


Only Spud remains untouched.


---------


SPUD
I guess this means I'll never get to have sex with Gail.

gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago) link

Oh, man.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago) link

Take off your mask to reveal that you were really Old Man Withers from the haunted amusement park the whole time.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago) link

Well Andy, you got that far that fast so maybe see if she's into it.

Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:09 (twenty years ago) link

was it the chicken?

kephm, Friday, 6 February 2004 18:10 (twenty years ago) link

Maybe the problem was that you were drinking Tim Horton's coffee. I've spontaneously shit myself drinking that stuff before.

Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:12 (twenty years ago) link

young grasshopper- if you were truely in da bliss you would of never reached for the remote!lesson # two

obiwan, Friday, 6 February 2004 18:17 (twenty years ago) link

fifteen years pass...

ever get this sharted?

ɪmˈpəʊzɪŋ (darraghmac), Monday, 11 February 2019 02:05 (five years ago) link

one expects that, providing the whole scenario was real rather than fictitious, that the mere passage of fifteen years would provide some kind of a resolution, however unsatisfactory it may have been to the parties involved.

A is for (Aimless), Monday, 11 February 2019 02:23 (five years ago) link

revive of the year

macropuente (map), Monday, 11 February 2019 03:42 (five years ago) link

If I'm roughly the same age as Alyssa Milano, is it okay for me to think she's hot on old episodes of "Who's The Boss?" Granted, she was only like 12 at the time, but I was 12 as well.
― andy, Friday, January 2, 2004 9:42 AM (fifteen years ago) Bookmark

velko, Monday, 11 February 2019 05:49 (five years ago) link


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