The speaker - My ex.
Overheard by - the entire pub.
"Dammit, would you stop being so PC? It's not stereotyping to say that gay
men aren't attracted to women, it's a fact..."
--A girl having a heated conversation at an early hour outside my window
A folk singer named Damien Jurado (whose own work is spotty, at best) recently released a CD that consists solely of messages from answering machine tapes he found at Thrift Stores. Not sure about the legality of this, but there is something oddly fascinating about them -- particularly one from a man left on the machine of a woman who had just broken up with him.
― Otis Wheeler, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link
"you're newly single? wow, i'm newly single too"
― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 13 October 2002 19:40 (twenty-one years ago) link
She: I used to think I quite liked Rembrandt, but then I decided there was too much brown.
He: I quite like the Impressionists.
I wondered by what means they had found themselves together at a Rembrandt show.
Similarly, when I went to see the movie The Elephant Man:
He: Oh, Anthony Hopkins. He's very good. He was in Psycho, you know.
She: Ooh, you don't half know a lot about films.
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 13 October 2002 20:01 (twenty-one years ago) link
(I *hope* she meant 'pelmets')
― , Sunday, 13 October 2002 22:26 (twenty-one years ago) link
― A Nairn (moretap), Sunday, 13 October 2002 23:35 (twenty-one years ago) link
― A Nairn (moretap), Sunday, 13 October 2002 23:44 (twenty-one years ago) link
actually though, now i think about it, kinda cheating, but in alan bennet's book 'writing home' he quotes one man in a donkey jacket shouting at another likewise dressed in the street saying
"look, there's NOTHING you can teach ME about road-sweeping..."
― Sofa King Alternative (Sofa King Alternative), Monday, 14 October 2002 08:54 (twenty-one years ago) link
"Armed robbery's a very serious offence, you know!"
― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 14 October 2002 09:22 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 14 October 2002 10:53 (twenty-one years ago) link
"Yeah so i got the money, got all me mates round to celebrate... Fish and chips all round, strawberries and champagne, you know, the works!"
He's my favourite person of the day.
― Graham (graham), Friday, 6 December 2002 16:35 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Simeon (Simeon), Friday, 6 December 2002 16:52 (twenty-one years ago) link
Mother: "If we wanted to see tigers we would've visited daddy at work"
― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Friday, 6 December 2002 23:38 (twenty-one years ago) link
― donut bitch (donut), Saturday, 7 December 2002 00:48 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Saturday, 7 December 2002 01:39 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Saturday, 7 December 2002 06:58 (twenty-one years ago) link
― David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, 7 December 2002 08:02 (twenty-one years ago) link
Me : Hey darlin' we got a lot in common...I'm not wearing a bra either.
My friend turned around knowing it was me, while the lady next to her turned around and said "You Pig!!!" and slapped me...I guess she thought I was talking to her, because she really wasn't wearing a bra...
― maryann (maryann), Saturday, 7 December 2002 08:44 (twenty-one years ago) link
Howd u get on?
(loud voice) 63, its bollox, he gave me 0 for 2 part ii and i know for a fact that-
Oh 2 part ii, the gaussian elimination?
......................
................ whats gaussian elimination
― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Wednesday, 9 April 2014 01:56 (ten years ago) link
haha
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Wednesday, 9 April 2014 13:57 (ten years ago) link
20-something woman on subway, to friend: "To be honest I tried so many different kinds of beers and shots on St. Patrick's day that I wasn't even in control anymore, that was Jesus."
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Friday, 16 May 2014 15:00 (nine years ago) link
"I couldn't work in an office, that's not a real man's job!"
:(
― not content (onimo), Friday, 10 April 2015 12:34 (nine years ago) link
"Is there a such a thing as tri-polar? Because I think..."
― bernard snowy, Friday, 10 April 2015 14:52 (nine years ago) link
(Midwestern twang) "David BOOwie?? I don't know ANYBODY likes David Boowie!"
― Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Friday, 10 April 2015 18:08 (nine years ago) link
"That German dude? I would go elbow deep in that bitch."
― gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 12 April 2015 03:54 (nine years ago) link
There used to be and possibly still is a site called Overheard in Dublin.
Unfortunately despite starting as a very laugh out loud selection it got progressively diluted by banal shite taht just happened to be overheard.
It has put out a number of related books, I picked one up from a charity shop and it was a dozeathon. But I think the 1st one was good.
But yeah have heard a number of things that you wish you heard the context for over the years.
― Stevolende, Sunday, 12 April 2015 12:09 (nine years ago) link
"... So I watch her gamble, but she has to watch me shop."
― bernard snowy, Sunday, 12 April 2015 19:42 (nine years ago) link
"I'm a lawyer. He's a jeweler. But not in a bad way."
I tried so many different kinds of beers and shots on St. Patrick's day that I wasn't even in control anymore, that was Jesus." Still too many people like this around.
One of the all-time threads, doing the Lord's work. Can't believe I never saw it before!
"Cubs... cubs... cubs... CUBS?"
"Cubs."
― mea nulta (onimo), Friday, 1 May 2015 15:17 (eight years ago) link
I didn't realize it was that serious. Of course he was always making jokes about how she had "water", but...
― how's life, Monday, 8 June 2015 19:04 (eight years ago) link
Male State Department Guard (loudly): ... buy a lot of alcohol and then drink Gatorade on the beach all day!
Female State Department Guard (disinterested, staring at her shoes): Oh yeah?
Male State Department Guard: Yeah, that's how you do it. You gotta forget your troubles, forget your problems!
Female State Department Guard: Forget about this place?
― how's life, Thursday, 30 July 2015 19:49 (eight years ago) link
Reading that I was hoping FSDG would say "And go downtown?"
Walking out of ballet tonight, I won't do the accent:
"In Russia, is something similar. Is called Wampyrs ball. Is totally music only by Bonnie Tyler, is exact like this we have seen tonight but with wampyrs."
Not gonna lie to you I would totally rather have seen the Russian bonnie tyler wampyre wersion, and that statement us never not gonna be true whether I'm talking ballet or breakfast cereal.
― MONKEY had been BUMMED by the GHOST of the late prancing paedophile (darraghmac), Sunday, 15 November 2015 01:41 (eight years ago) link
a few weeks ago i passed two people standing outside a bar who were in the middle of what looked like a fairly intense debate. they quieted down as i walked by; a minute later, i heard one of them say, "it's only because the OTHER animals don't know how to milk the cow!"
― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Sunday, 15 November 2015 01:49 (eight years ago) link
(At Mcdonalds)
"Hi Chris, can you ask someone to please sanitize that table over there. We were just at mass and we're wearing our mass clothes. Yeah, could you please ask someone to sanatize that"
― Week of Wonders (Ross), Monday, 25 September 2017 03:41 (six years ago) link
Two businessmen today walking by us
"Nipple cream"
"Nipple cream?"
"Yeah they all have it"
Had to confirm with herself but yep that was the exchange
― passé aggresif (darraghmac), Monday, 25 September 2017 23:02 (six years ago) link
guy at service canada employment next to me
how do you sign in
i dont even know how to sign in
ugh
sigh
rinse cycle repeat
― eris (Ross), Thursday, 2 August 2018 20:26 (five years ago) link
i used to be able to put a time to things, but now i cannot
like i try to think of when my surgery was and i cannot even remember
like what are time lines, i mean i remember when you kids were born because there was a date
and a reference point, but now i dunno
― sweetheart of the Neo Geo (Ross), Tuesday, 25 September 2018 17:48 (five years ago) link
you dont have to pay so much rent at your age you can just have sex
― ~mine own~ bitcoin (darraghmac), Monday, 11 March 2019 20:19 (five years ago) link
i have a website about myself
― ( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Monday, 11 March 2019 20:20 (five years ago) link
middle-aged couple ahead of me in line at the grocery store: "are we getting enough toilet paper for this food?"
They need to realise I'm an ARTIST not a researcher
― Non, je ned raggette rien (onimo), Thursday, 18 April 2019 15:05 (five years ago) link
killing is her art
she was about to paint her masterpiece but was obliged to research it first so there may be a knock on effect in terms of delivery
― fremme nette his simplicitte (darraghmac), Thursday, 18 April 2019 15:08 (five years ago) link
Nina has a very unique, very grounding energy in a group of people.
"I've enjoyed the last 19 years"
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Friday, 1 April 2022 20:39 (two years ago) link
We're always in Birmingham for Ocean Colour Scene. It's the only reason we come to Birmingham.
― dear confusion the catastrophe waitress (ledge), Wednesday, 3 August 2022 14:09 (one year ago) link
The person in front of me in the bus queue this evening was talking on their phone in a language that I don't speak. Except for one sentence in English: "Trust me, I hate every inch of this godforsaken place.". It took a lot of self control for me to not burst out laughing. Because England is a godforsaken place.
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Thursday, 27 October 2022 17:57 (one year ago) link
To be perfectly honest I'm not sure who was the bride and who was the groom.
Overheard on the bus.
"How's your leg these days?"
"Up and down."
― Oh wouldn't it be rubbery? (Tom D.), Tuesday, 22 November 2022 17:18 (one year ago) link
Sometimes side to side
― Fash Gordon (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 22 November 2022 17:31 (one year ago) link
"I'm straight. I play 3lv3n C0nqu35t." (don't Google the un-Googleproofed version of that - it's some dodgy hentai game)
On the bus, said by an 18 year old Andr3w T4t3 worshipping idiot. It took all the physical self control I had not to burst out laughing.
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Monday, 16 January 2023 18:38 (one year ago) link
we decided that as well as the skiing in winter we had to do tennis in the summer so now we're looking for a tennis club for the boys near barcelona. nice and warm.
in a bathroom:
"It's ok, I'm not offended that you're doing drugs in there"
― hootenanny-soundtracking clusterfucks about milking cows (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 March 2023 00:34 (one year ago) link
We're always in Birmingham for Ocean Colour Scene. It's the only reason we come to Birmingham.
― dear confusion the catastrophe waitress (ledge), Wednesday, 3 August 2022 14:09 (seven months ago)
Poor Birmingham. It doesnt deserve such slander.
― Saxophone Of Futility (Michael B), Thursday, 23 March 2023 10:19 (one year ago) link
Two girls behind me in high school math class: "Does it make me a slut if I'm only easy with one guy?"
― can i play with march madness? (PBKR), Thursday, 23 March 2023 13:03 (one year ago) link
middle-aged couple ahead of me in line at the grocery store: "are we getting enough toilet paper for this food?"― Simon H., Monday, March 11, 2019 4:22 PM (four years ago) bookmarkflaglink
this is amazing
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, 23 March 2023 13:08 (one year ago) link
my favorite one of these was at a show once in college, i think at irving plaza, armchair critic gives his verdict on the band to his buddy: "too much mumbo, not enough jumbo"
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, 23 March 2023 13:09 (one year ago) link
He was in one of those Soviet places, not quite Soviet, like Turkey or Turkmenistan or one of those. We can’t get you home they said, but we can get you to Germany
They took him to Kazakhstan overnight, and everyone gave him a weird look. There was only one car.
Then they flew him to East Germany and from there to West Germany
― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Friday, 24 March 2023 13:12 (one year ago) link
ah i missed a bit out
― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Friday, 24 March 2023 13:12 (one year ago) link
He was in one of those Soviet places, not quite Soviet, like Turkey or Turkmenistan or one of those. It was Hungary, thats it
We can’t get you home they said, but we can get you to Germany
They took him to Kazakhstan overnight, and everyone gave him a weird look. There was only one car.
Then they flew him to East Germany and from there to West Germany
― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Friday, 24 March 2023 13:13 (one year ago) link
I was having to type so fast into textddit to try capture what I could, there was more but i couldnt get it fast enough
― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Friday, 24 March 2023 13:16 (one year ago) link