"I want to cut cable"
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Monday, 25 July 2016 15:09 (seven years ago) link
"im just really struugling with the glass ceiling at work"
― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Monday, 25 July 2016 15:43 (seven years ago) link
"you need a taller door, dickweed"
― a simba man (Will M.), Monday, 25 July 2016 15:43 (seven years ago) link
"I'm sleeping with another giraffe, who looks exactly identical to both of us"
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Monday, 25 July 2016 15:51 (seven years ago) link
"I never thought putting an unplugged LCD television in the middle of our room would work - and I was right"
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 July 2016 17:09 (seven years ago) link
"Who's got a long neck and rams his TV table up against a couch? This guy!!!!"
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 July 2016 17:11 (seven years ago) link
"don't get short with me!!!!!"
― brownie, Monday, 25 July 2016 17:11 (seven years ago) link
"put some clothes on"
"Let's Neckflix and chill. Get it? Neck flix"
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 July 2016 17:12 (seven years ago) link
"Did you do something different with your tail? Come on Lisa.. Why won't you talk to me?? Oh yeah, giraffes can't talk"
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 July 2016 17:14 (seven years ago) link
"I'm not going to stick my neck out for the DNC when I can watch the convention from home"
― mh, Monday, 25 July 2016 17:17 (seven years ago) link
"I am sick of not having balsamic vinegar"
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 July 2016 17:42 (seven years ago) link
I don't know how you can watch that garbage anyway... Come on, why are you being like this? I said I was sorry, and actually I think you'll find that "cow" is simply the correct term
― kasybian (wins), Monday, 25 July 2016 17:44 (seven years ago) link
Can we just watch more Friday Night Lights tonight? I know The Wire is good and all but I kind of just want to turn my brain off. You know? It's been a really hard day. I had accounting up my ass the entire day about some receipts I lost while I was at that conference in Philly. It's like, "guys, I will pay the thirteen dollars myself. You don't need to be such pricks about it." But no, they have to cross every T and dot every I. Seriously, I think they'd save money if they didn't have to chase down meaningless bullshit like this. So I had to e-mail the hotel and get them to FAX me the receipt. Fax, right? Can you believe it? In 20-goddamn-16? I couldn't even find the fax machine. I've been at that office for six years... and I'd never seen the fax machine. Did you buy more acacia leaves? That's what giraffes eat.
― a simba man (Will M.), Monday, 25 July 2016 18:23 (seven years ago) link
"Your neck is fine — all those actresses are just horses with spots painted on."
― Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Monday, 25 July 2016 18:35 (seven years ago) link
lol Will M
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Monday, 25 July 2016 18:55 (seven years ago) link
"Look I know the job search can feel overwhelming, but just start with the high-hanging fruit."
― never have i been a blue calm sea (collardio gelatinous), Monday, 25 July 2016 18:57 (seven years ago) link
"I just voted you off the island"
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 July 2016 20:27 (seven years ago) link
"I feel that I should mention the elephant in the room."
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 20:48 (seven years ago) link
"I only watch TV for the nature documentaries."
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 20:49 (seven years ago) link
"I don't even own a television. Because I'm a fucking giraffe."
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 20:50 (seven years ago) link
"If I see Jeremy Clarkson on TV again, I swear I'll put my foot through the screen."
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 20:53 (seven years ago) link
"Where's the remote?"
"I told you we should have bought the three seater."
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 20:55 (seven years ago) link
"I was thinking of buying an XBox One, but then I heard that the PVR functionality is crap. So I considered a PS4, but then I heard about the upgraded consoles that Microsoft and Sony are coming out with in a few months and thought I'd hold off a bit. Or do you think that I should buy an HTPC instead?"
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 20:58 (seven years ago) link
"Can you adjust the Vertical Hold?"
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 21:00 (seven years ago) link
'Where's Keith?'
― Mark G, Monday, 25 July 2016 21:01 (seven years ago) link
"Is this 4K or only HD?"
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 21:01 (seven years ago) link
"I told you that you should've used the wrist strap on the Wiimote."
― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Monday, 25 July 2016 21:05 (seven years ago) link
"My penis is the size of a man's arm."
http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/160808_contest-690.jpg
The rankings overall for that contest, with the whale crushing the guy on the desert island were lower than usual. I don't think that's because less funny people entered the contest. I think it's due to the difficulty of captioning the particular image.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 23 August 2016 13:38 (seven years ago) link
has any ilxor ever won? has any caption posted here ever been finalist?
― a simba man (Will M.), Tuesday, 23 August 2016 14:47 (seven years ago) link
Ahem
Well, the same one i posted
― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Tuesday, 23 August 2016 18:30 (seven years ago) link
Was it that swimming pool one? I forget the name.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 23 August 2016 18:36 (seven years ago) link
Six bullets/ nine lives cat mouse one iirc
― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Tuesday, 23 August 2016 18:41 (seven years ago) link
Ah, right. Golden.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 23 August 2016 18:47 (seven years ago) link
http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/170213_contest-690.jpg
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 08:58 (seven years ago) link
Tempting but I've a new suit I'm trying to fit into
― Betsy DeVos Ayes (darraghmac), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 10:08 (seven years ago) link
suit/fig leaf I spose
― Betsy DeVos Ayes (darraghmac), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 10:14 (seven years ago) link
Who's 'mom'?
― Betsy DeVos Ayes (darraghmac), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 10:17 (seven years ago) link
Show's yer pie.
― Heavy Doors (jed_), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 10:19 (seven years ago) link
Actually its a shepherd's pie
― cajunsunday, Wednesday, 8 February 2017 10:37 (seven years ago) link
The shitty new yorker cartoon captions tumblr is killing it with this one
http://68.media.tumblr.com/36fea9606d1e176e3d27c65ac86125f4/tumblr_ol0kp0o5zs1qfvz38o1_400.png
― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Wednesday, 8 February 2017 11:19 (seven years ago) link
https://twitter.com/delrayser/status/828711097729445888
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 13:57 (seven years ago) link
Yep
― Betsy DeVos Ayes (darraghmac), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 14:10 (seven years ago) link
xp I've never seen that tumblr, thank you for this amazing gift.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/eef073a0cf2d8c8d730d1f8edf14b46f/tumblr_ojmj9xKyd01qfvz38o1_400.png
― Lauren Schumer Donor (Phil D.), Wednesday, 8 February 2017 14:12 (seven years ago) link
an engaging takedown of NYer cartoons on noah berlatsky's site:http://www.hoodedutilitarian.com/2012/10/new-yorker-cartoons-a-legacy-of-mediocrity/
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 17 April 2017 11:52 (seven years ago) link
takedown is in principle a noble project but needed a LOT more hard work than that guy put in
― mark s, Monday, 17 April 2017 12:28 (seven years ago) link
when truman capote worked as an office boy at the new yorker, one of his jobs was taking proposed cartoons out of the envelope and carrying them to the cartoon editor's office
when TC quit they discovered vast numbers of cartoons slipped behind some furniture in his office, which he had hidden there in his secret role as unofficial pre-editor of cartoons (so that the actual editor wouldn't look at them and approve them)
― mark s, Monday, 17 April 2017 12:34 (seven years ago) link
What an assholee..
― Mark G, Monday, 17 April 2017 12:56 (seven years ago) link