Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

You know that nice story about the woman who tweeted she was in love with the man who ran the Oxford St Waterstones Twitter account and ended up marrying him?

Jonathan has stopped being a bookseller and become a social media writer for Innocent drinks.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2016/jul/19/twitter-love-story-wedding-waterstones-full-story

I used to know that guy, this whole story is bizarre

don't find the story that bizarre. thought it was sort of cute, although guy's patter sounds terrible and completely suited to a job as social media writer for innocent

his move from being a teenager making dead baby jokes to writing this stuff is definitely a meaty topic though

haha

so adorable, i hope he's got a ukelele

from innocent's facebook page and custom-designed to infuriate ilxors

innocent
11 August 2016 at 18:00 ·
We’ve written a list of Jay-Z’s 99 problems:

1. Getting soufflé to rise
2. Finding a reliable plumber
3. Getting the smell of oranges off his hands
4. Transitioning to internet banking
5. When to use 'affect' and 'effect'
6. Long division
7. Not understanding 3D printing
8. Global warming
9. Gluten intolerance
10. Parallel parking
11. Poaching eggs
12. Remembering that Sydney isn't the capital of Australia
13. The plight of the red squirrel
14. Not being able to go outside to play Pokemon Go without being mobbed by paparazzi
15. Tidal
16. Exma
17. How to spell ‘Eczema’
18. The rising cost of stamps
19. Seeded grapes
20. Bedroom tax
21. The pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre
22. Trying not to snack between meals
23. Not being able to find the end of the Sellotape
24. Finding half sizes for shoes
25. Understanding the economic and socio-political implications of Brexit
26. Hiccups
27. Cryptic crosswords
28. Whether to make the switch from DVD to Blu-ray
29. Unexpected item in the bagging area
30. The objectification of women in mainstream media
31. Hayfever
32. Pins and needles
33. Wanting to order a cocktail but being embarrassed by its gratuitously sexual name
34. Underripe avocados
35. Overripe avocados
36. His obsession with perfectly ripe avocados
37. Feeling sleepy after lunch
38. When to use the Oxford comma
39. Daddy longlegs
40. Really wanting a dog but knowing that his current lifestyle isn’t compatible with dog ownership
41. Shin splints
42. Rail replacement bus services
43. The meaning of life
44. Not enjoying eating yoghurt as much as the women in the adverts
45. The hole in the ozone layer
46. Not being able to trust contactless card payments
47. Fixed versus variable rate mortgages
48. Is H ‘ayche’ or ‘hayche’?
49. The Milton Keynes grid system
50. Recurring nightmare where he is late for an exam he hasn’t revised for
51. Wasps
52. The western world’s over-reliance on fossil fuels
53. Crumbs in the bed
54. Only remembering the names of 4 of Henry VIII's wives
55. Forgetting to put the bins out
56. Ladle - bowl on a stick, or just a big spoon?
57. Needing the loo in the middle of the night
58. The declining bee population
59. Two day hangovers
60. Wondering whether Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift’s relationship is real or not.
61. Solange
62. Stress-induced twitchy eye
63. Not enjoying 'Breaking Bad' as much as everyone else
64. Calls from unknown numbers
65. Burnt toast
66. Being endorsed for skills he doesn't really have by people he doesn't really know on LinkedIn
67. Still wanting to call Emojis emoticons
68. Foot cramp
69. People making immature jokes about the number 69
70. Accidentally ‘replying all’
71. How much water to cook rice with
72. Mosquitoes at dusk
73. Kanye
74. Finding a Natwest card reader
75. People who respond ‘maybe’ to Facebook event invites
76. The middle three Star Wars films
77. Tickly cough
78. The increasing gap between rich and poor
79. Clammy hands
80. People putting milk back in the fridge when there's only a tiny bit left
81. Not knowing what his local council does and doesn’t recycle
82. Whether it makes fiscal sense to buy an annual travelcard
83. Opening the dishwasher before it's done
84. Insufficient legroom at the theatre
85. Sunday traffic
86. Feeling quite indifferent to Marmite
87. Having to split the bill evenly after a group meal despite only drinking water and Nigel having four Daiquiris
88. How to pronounce ‘scone’
89. Worrying that he doesn’t suit hats
90. The Edinburgh tram debacle
91. Having the door held open for him from far away, so he’s forced into an awkward sort of jog walk
92. Ambiguous toilet door signs in restaurants
93. Understanding the politics of the Middle East
94. Sinusitis
95. At the end of Lady and The Tramp, 3 of their puppies look like Lady, and 1 looks like Tramp. But in real life, they’d be cross-breeds
96. Washing his trousers with a tissue in the pocket
97. Meaning to buy tuna in spring water but accidentally buying it in brine
98. Lemonade
99. Realising, once he started writing them all down in list form, just how many problems he has.

it's gentle racism, the most delightful kind

That belongs on about 9 scornful repost threads

It keeps the meme very much alive for starters

reposted on fb by a friend who also stans for postmodern jukebox and the hackney colliery band, who also feel like they belong on about 9 scornful repost threads including this one

Jeez

just googled 'postmodern jukebox' on acct of never having heard of it and it came up second in autocomplete, after postmodernism itself. is this reflective of its popularity or did it twig that I was just looking at a page on which it was mentioned

it, them, him, whatever

oh god postmodern jukebox are the pits. sadly i know a fair few well-meaning people who seem to think they're great.

i figure if the only way people can listen to contemporary pop music is thru the filter of a gentler, more segregated age then let them knock themselves out

fine, they're still shot though. the musical equivalent of the Innocent Smoothies aesthetic.

Someone should do a thread about that.

if it doesn't kill us it could bring us closer together

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p480x480/13697020_10154368275336204_3507468110234105071_n.jpg?oh=d416fe33b5629231927a7cad30f7b55e&oe=58230457

Posted with the title 'What British people say versus what they actually mean'

Bunting, checker table cloth, newspaper, fancy teacup, two innocent products on display - possible crumpets in the background.

cross-stitched text of rivers of blood speech just out of shot

Feel like this is related if not quite the same thing.

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/index.jsp

Solange?

is the moonrise kingdom themed 1st birthday party already on here

http://www.thehomeandtheheart.com/blog/2016/8/7/noams-birthday-party

this aesthetic is fine for actual babies

holy crap that woman looks exactly like a friend of mine. As in I showed my husband that picture and he thought I was tricking him somehow. I'm pretty sure she has neither kid nor blog though.
I guess spunking that much money and time when you have a 1-year-old is just about justifiable if pictures of it on your highly irritating blog is what's paying the bills

First birthday parties, like designer baby clothes, are strictly an indulgence for the parents' benefit. Which is fine if that's what you're into, just think people should be clear with themselves.

oh man that was a quality hate-read

pictures of it on your highly irritating blog is what's paying the bills

I have no sense of the economics involved here; can people actually make a lot of money doing this? How?

His expression in the photo of him in the ball pool holding the balloon says a lot.

Odd decision to make all the links, which is where I guess the money comes from, very pale pink on white

i can't imagine spending that much time, effort, and money on a party for a baby. are these people rich?

lmao her name is toff

oh fuck

https://twitter.com/noamtoff

https://twitter.com/rileythepoo

I like that the dog stopped tweeting as soon as the baby was born

:/

https://twitter.com/jasontoff/status/767096143901814784

5/ This morning she woke up to a hateful comment on her blog. Then more appeared. One compared my wife and I to ISIS (wtf?)

If you put out content like that - including a public twitter account for an actual baby on a platform that's renowned for abuse (and which the dad works/worked at by the looks of it) - maybe you should know better than to actively look to see what people are saying about you
I'm sure people are being vile and it's hugely unfair but switch on moderation on your blog comments and stop being surprised that people might react badly to rich white smugness

"I thought I understood Twitter hate, now I actually get it"

I sincerely, genuinely, do not understand how someone can be like these people. Like how do their brains actually work? I guess that is one way they are like ISIS, in that I can't genuinely comprehend the brain process/mental framework of a religious fundamentalist terrorist either.

his twitter bio:

virtual reality @google. formerly GM @vine, director of product mgmt @twitter, and product @youtube.

that's what made me o_O like maybe you may have heard about people being unpleasant on the internet. Some of them even make mean jokes! let alone the prolonged abuse campaigns and rape threats that twitter is famous for

https://twitter.com/sallyrooney/status/772430532592406528

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Crg5eBaXYAAHlp0.jpg:large

reckon this belongs here:

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/483236/Commissioning_for_Victims_pres_Dec_2015_FINAL.pdf

from the baby birthday blogger blog:

Disclaimer: I hate that I'm putting this here, but I felt compelled to respond to the hateful, derogatory comments being made about me, my family and this post.

I started blogging as a creative outlet, as a place where I could go to say and share what I like and love and who I care deeply about. My blog, the tiny little corner of the Internet that I felt like I personally carved out, became my safe space, my refuge and my home, especially when life got tough. It became very, deeply personal to me. It was not just a space on the Internet for me. It was my space on the Internet.

who puts open public comment boxes and monetiziation links in their deeply personal space???

How dare you

the tumblr one caek posted is killing me

beep beep!

I don't condone people being hateful or piling on others, but if you do something as a public creative venture... isn't that a thing people analyze critically? If it's a safe space then make it friend-only, or invite-only.

reminds me of the early days of irc where half the channels were people welcoming you to the virtual bar or (oh god) hot tub, looking for friendly chat, and the other half were people destroying your words until you bowed to their weird social norms

the innocent smoothies ppl are definitely "chill in the virtual hot tub" ppl

*plop*

hi sarahell would you like a marg