Sorry, one more:
I'm trying to get Ivy to understand (lolol I know I know) that if we tell her "no" or to stop doing something, that she needs to listen to us. I keep saying some version of, "If we tell you 'no' it's for a reason and not just because we like to say no to you." We went through that speech two or three times last night, and then it was time to get ready for bed.
Me: Come on, let's go wash your face and hands and brush your teeth.Ivy: No!Me: It's time. We have to get ready for bed.Ivy: I said NO for a REASON!
God help us.
― carl agatha, Wednesday, 29 June 2016 16:51 (seven years ago) link
she kind of has you there
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 June 2016 17:14 (seven years ago) link
I'm not sure if I want to quote any of the scary shit Mr. H has been coming up with.
H: Do you like me being alive?
ME: sdo9u09uj092kdsl;a OF COURSE I DO. I love you! Why would you ask me that?
H: Well, if I died, I'd go to Heaven. Then I'd get to fly around and stuff.
ME: I'd bet God wouldn't be happy you were up there so soon.
H: I guess I'd have to kick God out of Heaven then.
ME: HA! You think so, huh? You think you're the first person to come up with that?
H: I don't know about anyone else, but I know I'd kick God out and then I would be THE KID GOD.
ME: (Please don't let him become a sociopath. Please don't let him become a sociopath. I'm so sorry.)
― pplains, Wednesday, 29 June 2016 17:17 (seven years ago) link
<3
― Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 29 June 2016 18:44 (seven years ago) link
all hail our new heavenly overlord
― Οὖτις, Wednesday, 29 June 2016 19:02 (seven years ago) link
haha whoa
Also laughing too hard at "I said NO for a REASON!"so good.
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Thursday, 30 June 2016 00:30 (seven years ago) link
Tomorrow night is election night in Australia; we explained to Ella that we would be watching TV all evening, and she could watch too, but it would probably be very boring for her. So she requested to watch Antiques Roadshow tonight so she could practise being bored and not minding.
― 🐸a hairy howling toad torments a man whose wife is deathly ill (James Morrison), Friday, 1 July 2016 09:57 (seven years ago) link
Also, when trying to put a nappy on her for overnight, she suddenly sings, 'New nappy, straight to the edge! New nappy, it's a hundred degrees!'
― 🐸a hairy howling toad torments a man whose wife is deathly ill (James Morrison), Friday, 1 July 2016 09:58 (seven years ago) link
Adorable!
― how's life, Friday, 1 July 2016 10:48 (seven years ago) link
Me, reading the news: "this guy fell off a cliff at Machu Pichu doing a stupid instagram pose! "Dex: "oh well, he had a good run".
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Saturday, 2 July 2016 00:01 (seven years ago) link
Haha!
― 🐸a hairy howling toad torments a man whose wife is deathly ill (James Morrison), Saturday, 2 July 2016 02:25 (seven years ago) link
lol
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Sunday, 3 July 2016 04:02 (seven years ago) link
Ben: So when grownups want to have sex, do they go to the hospital?Me: No, they just do it at home.Ben (semi-incredulously): Really.
― schwantz, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 17:53 (seven years ago) link
Hard to capture his tone. Not really a question mark on the "really." More matter-of-fact. Should have been followed up a few seconds later with "huh."
― schwantz, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 17:54 (seven years ago) link
amazing
― Immediate Follower (NA), Tuesday, 12 July 2016 20:31 (seven years ago) link
grownups use the orgasmotron
― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 21:11 (seven years ago) link
I don't think my insurance covers that.
― schwantz, Tuesday, 12 July 2016 21:57 (seven years ago) link
The bf and his kid are playing Lego Star wars Force Awakens...B: Hey come on, let me have a go again!Dex: no!B: but its my game!Dex: nope. You gotta share!
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Saturday, 16 July 2016 05:12 (seven years ago) link
Parenting backfiring, right there.
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Saturday, 16 July 2016 05:15 (seven years ago) link
:D
― Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 17 July 2016 04:05 (seven years ago) link
H got a book from the library for me to read to K called "Molly and her Dad," completely not realizing that it was actually about a divorced dad who lived very far away and came to visit his daughter. As I'm reading the book to K, I call into the other room, "uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"
The next day K says to me "I love Molly and her Dad, it's just like me and you. And it has 'D-O-Y-K-V-O-K' in it!"
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Tuesday, 19 July 2016 22:03 (seven years ago) link
"uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"
well good thing she hasn't been listening to Tammy Wynette lately.
― pplains, Wednesday, 20 July 2016 01:22 (seven years ago) link
Spent the day with my 5 year old on Saturday while my son went out and did something with his mother. We spent a while painting pictures, one of which was a portrait of me and her, stick-figure style.
She dutifully colored in the sky in the background, filling in all the white space. When she went to fill in the area between her legs, she exclaimed "Up the butt!" I hemmed and hawed about it "oh, um, maybe you shouldn't quite say it that way..."
Then she goes to color in between my stick-figure's legs. "Don't worry Daddy, I won't let it touch your vagina. Happy Daddy-Daughter Day!"
― how's life, Monday, 25 July 2016 10:34 (seven years ago) link
Ella walks into the room, dressed like this, says, "This is my new look!"
https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rsdb7oKa9to/V5gGFJhlZ1I/AAAAAAAAQ34/qqaJnUs48mIcsC0plhYrLA4IxcG2yF4WgCK4B/s400/This%2Bis%2BMy%2BNew%2BLook.JPG
― 🐸a hairy howling toad torments a man whose wife is deathly ill (James Morrison), Wednesday, 27 July 2016 00:55 (seven years ago) link
strong style
― jason waterfalls (gbx), Wednesday, 27 July 2016 01:26 (seven years ago) link
We were talking about fancy restaurants and Owen says "Fuddruckers is pretty fancy!" I say "no it's not." Owen says "yes it is; it has a frickin' arcade!"
― schwantz, Wednesday, 27 July 2016 06:00 (seven years ago) link
(Sweet look, btw)
owen otm
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 27 July 2016 13:11 (seven years ago) link
Ella is a future fashion icon imo
― Quarter measures (sunny successor), Saturday, 30 July 2016 15:18 (seven years ago) link
Henry (out of the blue): I'm going to punch your great, great grandmother.Me: Its a little late for that. She died before I was born. Do you even know her name?Henry: Yes. Do YOU know her name?Me: YesHenry: Well, what is it?Me: *sigh* N*** M****Henry: That's, right! M****! I'm gonna BLOW HER UP IN HEAVEN!!
― Quarter measures (sunny successor), Thursday, 4 August 2016 18:51 (seven years ago) link
omg he is really bucking for a shot at ultimate supervillain huh
― Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 4 August 2016 19:42 (seven years ago) link
you don't know the half of it.
― pplains, Thursday, 4 August 2016 20:20 (seven years ago) link
Flew hometown -> seattle -> anchorage today. The 20 month old kid got excited about the loud sounds when we landed at seatac, and somehow my wife ended up using the word "crash", amongst others, to help him describe the ruckus.
Before the second flight, he was roaming around the boarding area and sidled up to an older woman, they were smiling at each other, the usual.
woman: "we're going to get on an airplane, aren't you excited? do you like airplanes?"cecil: "CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!"
― joygoat, Friday, 5 August 2016 05:31 (seven years ago) link
XD
― how's life, Friday, 5 August 2016 08:12 (seven years ago) link
:D:D:D
― Quarter measures (sunny successor), Friday, 5 August 2016 20:22 (seven years ago) link
At 12, I feel like my oldest kid is beyond the "darndest things" stage. He has an arsenal of references and a reservoir of wit. I don't always share his sense of humor but I'm glad he's got one.
Before his kung fu class started the other day, another kid was hopelessly trying to engage him in conversation while he was stretching. They've been going to class together for 6 years. The kid is nice, but has an overbearing personality. After about 5 minutes:
Other kid: Do you know what anime is?Son: Yeah, it's like TV but it sucks.
― how's life, Sunday, 21 August 2016 23:44 (seven years ago) link
Damn. Cold.
We were telling Owen and Ben the other night that they were going to get "all the honeys."
Owen: hey honeys - check out my fancy beehive!
― schwantz, Monday, 22 August 2016 01:29 (seven years ago) link
Hahaha
― Quarter measures (sunny successor), Monday, 22 August 2016 02:50 (seven years ago) link
Joygoat, I told my mum the crash story and I thought she was going to die laughing.
― Quarter measures (sunny successor), Monday, 22 August 2016 02:52 (seven years ago) link
My coworker told me she and her boyfriend brought up newspapers in conversation, and their daughter and her friend had this exchange:
Friend: What's a newspaper??Daughter: It's old people's internet!
― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 22 August 2016 03:48 (seven years ago) link
Was cooking dinner with Nora yesterday and just before Em got home I said to Nora "you know what, you just might be my favourite person in the world". To which she, 21 months old, replied, "Wow!" Which was awesome.
Recently she has conquered 'no' and 'mine' which are the BEST words for a toddler to know. Not.
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 24 August 2016 15:27 (seven years ago) link
I am so excited for when she can ask me relentless questions.
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 24 August 2016 15:34 (seven years ago) link
Mine is saying no but in this cute offhand casual kind of way, which I don't mind. Sure it won't last long. Favourite word is probably meema for lemur.i think he likes stripy things.
― kinder, Wednesday, 24 August 2016 17:40 (seven years ago) link
So weird when Ella started doing accents and imitating voices. A friend was visiting from interstate and was all 'Is your daughter... British?'
― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:43 (seven years ago) link
My niece pronounces zebra as zeebra. Maybe it's easier?
― two crickets sassing each other (dowd), Thursday, 25 August 2016 06:10 (seven years ago) link
K's grandparents have this little stuffed dog that moves and sings "Thank You For Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold, and she loves it.
Recently she told us that her own toy dog was a "pal and a comfy dog" and it took us like a day to realize she was quoting the song ("pal and a confidant").
― the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Thursday, 25 August 2016 14:15 (seven years ago) link
my littlest today at lunch: "why aren't we allowed to be cannibals?" then she sang "we could be cannibals" to the chorus of that Tove Lo song "Heroes".
― droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 25 August 2016 14:33 (seven years ago) link
My dog is a pal and a comfy dog, so I see the confusion. (x-post)
― two crickets sassing each other (dowd), Thursday, 25 August 2016 14:47 (seven years ago) link
Cannibals are the real heroes, if you think about it. O_o
― schwantz, Thursday, 25 August 2016 14:49 (seven years ago) link
my daughter loves this song fwiw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTvdjlJUO8A
― Οὖτις, Thursday, 25 August 2016 15:29 (seven years ago) link