what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (915 of them)

alternately, go up there and comment on it, like in the one online pr0n vid where the guy was DPing the white chick with his block & tackle, and his two friends were standing next to him, helping with the commentary.

there's a link to it on here someplace.

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:50 (twenty years ago) link

seriously, just walk out there and tell them the couch is communal and ask how she'd feel if you smeared your semen on the kitchen table.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:50 (twenty years ago) link

kephm's ass slapping is my favorite idea - yeah, do that.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:52 (twenty years ago) link

seriously, just walk out there and tell them the couch is communal and ask how she'd feel if you smeared your semen on the kitchen table.

And if she says "I never thought you'd ask!" and smears her cummy hinder all over the kitchen, where will that leave poor Gear!?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

Order a pizza yo!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

And tell him to just come on in.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

"...the water's fine!"

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:54 (twenty years ago) link

just print out this thread and give it them both as a souvenir of this beautiful moment

― chris (chris), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:54 (twenty years ago) link

They'll probably just invite him to join in. You know those pizza guys.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty years ago) link

"dude don't put that pizza down on the couch! or the table! aw, hell."

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty years ago) link

this thread also marks the first use of the phrase of "cummy behind".

much like john ashcroft testifying before the 9/11 commission, it is truly an historic day.

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty years ago) link

(For a horrified second I thought Nickalicious was replying to me.)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty years ago) link

well????

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:56 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22cummy+behind%22&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

― Matthew Cohen (flightsatdusk), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:56 (twenty years ago) link

That's a URL that already says too much.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:57 (twenty years ago) link

not to... uh, burst your bubble.

― Matthew Cohen (flightsatdusk), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:58 (twenty years ago) link

It's "cummy HINDER", people!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:58 (twenty years ago) link

This was referred to in my college household as being held "hump hostage".

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:58 (twenty years ago) link

i believe it was "cummy hinder." almost sounds not as dirty as it is. xposts.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty years ago) link

Ron allowed Mark's piston to plunge in and out of his mouth. His hand worked
under the kid's ass, and a finger slipped into the cummy behind. ...

― Magic City (ano ano), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty years ago) link

Well that gets no hits. Nice one.

― Matthew Cohen (flightsatdusk), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty years ago) link

"dude don't put that pizza down on the couch! or the table! aw, hell."

Extra mozzarella, anyone?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty years ago) link

how dare u.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty years ago) link

that was cheesy, C J

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:00 (twenty years ago) link

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:00 (twenty years ago) link

At first I thought that this was a MCLILJONPEEPANTSWILLIAMS thread but realized that this had to do with HAVING actual SEX.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:00 (twenty years ago) link

This is clearly one of the all-time greatest threads.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:01 (twenty years ago) link

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005Q66N.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:01 (twenty years ago) link

(i think he saw the anus)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty years ago) link

SPILL.

(this is way better than the Jess thread!)

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty years ago) link

Okay, NOW this is the all-time greatest thread.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty years ago) link

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000B9E9.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty years ago) link

Maybe the guy is Jess!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:03 (twenty years ago) link

You thought this thread was about me, dean?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:03 (twenty years ago) link

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000032B4.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:04 (twenty years ago) link

This is clearly one of the all-time greatest threads.

Easily.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:05 (twenty years ago) link

Dude just get lunch!

I remember waking from a (monumental, sort of carried home style) drunken stupor on holiday in Prague, to find my mate and some girl going at it on the other bed in the same room.

So I thought, I need to go out again, and got up and got dressed and left. It was kind of funny. I later told ridiculous lies about what they were up to.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:05 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.fabioifc.com/fabio/FAB_GIFS3/fabio_injured.jpg

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:06 (twenty years ago) link

So Gear!, did you discover that your roommate is Tubgirl or something?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty years ago) link

Let's see, Gear's still alive at least, so he wasn't turned to stone.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty years ago) link

So are they asleep on the couch in post-coital happiness yet?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty years ago) link

PLEASE tell me you walked into the room unassumingly and then saw the unholy acts being performed and sacrificed your roommate like a goat immediately?

Or at least ran shrieking from the room?

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

I hope they were both wearing your clothes.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

would "spill it" be an unfortunate wording here?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

okay so I figured "this won't be bad, maybe some awkwardness and depending on how it is I'll either keep going to the kitchen or run back to my room"

so of course I walk out there and she's got her ass in the air while this scrawny indie fop WEARING A TRUCKER HAT AND NOTHING ELSE is attempting to INSERT HIS COCK IN HER ASS.

ON MY COUCH

I go out and this sight actually caused me to go "oh ugh god!" My roommate tumbled out of her awkward position onto the floor landing on her shoulder and Trucker Hat fell to his side with a grunt. my roommate shrieked "what are you doing home?!" and scampered into her room, almost on all fours, past me. she slammed the door behind her. Trucker Hat gathered his pants and RAN INTO THE KITCHEN

of course i followed him and he was sputtering "sorry dude sorry dude" and I just said "let me get my sandwich and you go clean up MY couch!" he again said "sorry sorry sorry" and ran out of the kitchen and to the bedroom, he pounded on the door and asked to be let in, and my roommate let him in.

MY LIVING ROOM SMELLS LIKE NOTHING I'VE SMELLED BEFORE

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:10 (twenty years ago) link

so needless to say Trucker Hat didn't stop to clean my couch before running and hiding!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:11 (twenty years ago) link

HIPSTERS BE ANALIN'

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:11 (twenty years ago) link

I'm so happy I'm crying.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

what am I doing home???? what are YOU doing having ass sex on MY couch???? goddammit!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

This is the most brilliant thing I've ever read.

― Cameron (Cameron), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

Skipping 815 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.