Kids say the darndest things

Henry after graduating Pre-K:

'I unlocked an achievement!'

Officially too much video game time :P

This morning, when I got to work, there was a voice mail from my 3 year old daughter informing me that her leg isn't broken.

(she fell yesterday, it was bleeding a bit and insisted that this meant it was broken, I guess it stopped bleeding)

<3

Little dude will eat a cup of yogurt, maybe two, every afternoon if we let him. I say "if we let him" because I sure as hell ain't going to buy 20 cups a yogurt a week for the boy.

But I went grocery shopping while he was napping on Saturday and brought home enough yogurt to fill the refrigerator drawer.

When he woke up and immediately pivoted to the kitchen, he exclaimed to his mom, "Oh cool! The yogurt respawned while I was sleeping!"

http://i.imgur.com/qoWan41.gif

both of my kids have started saying 'Oh Em Gee!' as a visceral, knee-jerk response to amazing (to them) turns of events. like it is just a genuine, non-ironic expression of amazement. which is amazing, to me.

One of my two-year-old toddlers has begun expressing a keen interest in identifying car logos. He is pretty much 100% accurate on:

Toyota
Honda
BMW
Mercedes

He's about 75% accurate on:

Mazda
Nissan

He has problems distinguishing these logos from the Honda logo:

Lexus
Hyundai

So far he does not give two shits about American cars, which means he truly is My Child

That's awesome! My kid went through a big car-identification phase about a year ago. Honda and Hyundai were her favorites. There's a disappointing lack of toy Hyundais at the grocery store.

There have been many "humorous" potty-training false starts because he has looked out the window and shouted "Toyot!" which we have then interpreted to be a request to be put on the potty.

Officially too much video game time :P

― schwantz, Monday, April 18, 2016 10:48 AM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Most recently when more yogurt somehow magically appeared in the fridge (ie his father went grocery shopping):

"The yogurt respawned!'

Newsreader: Five men have been arrested in Far North Queensland attempting to sail a small fishing boat to Asia to join ISIS
Ella: (deeply weary) Oh no, not AGAIN!

This is less of a said than a did - youngest came in while B was still asleep and stood by the bed. I whispered "daddy's pretending to be asleep, wake him up!"

...I didnt expect him to do this by slapping his dad in the face :|

loool

It prob didnt help that I then spent the next 10 mins crying with laughter.

Since I deleted my Facebook account and I want to remember this in a decade or so:

I was a bit pissed off that my husband hadn't cleaned up something.

"Argh, why didn't he clean this up????!???"

I of course picked it up and threw it in the trash.

"That's why he married you!"

Alex: Do you want gelato?
Dalton: What's gelato?
Alex: It's like ice cream.
Dalton: Oh I thought it might be Spanish Ewok for popsicle.

One of my children yelled "BOOBIES" and grabbed my wife's nightgown while she was FaceTiming with her father

otm

Met up with Chris and the kids after work, they'd decided we were going to nandos for tea. While Chris is ordering mounds of chicken Molly (almost 5) pipes up 'did you you know that chicken comes from dead chickens?!' My blood goes cold and I reply 'well yes' 'why do we eat dead chickens?' 'Because they're tasty' 'but I don't want to eat dead chickens, or dead lambs' I start panicking about what the hell my fussy child is going to eat if she goes vegetarian when Aidan retorts 'well why did you just let daddy go and order you some chicken then?!' Her response - 'I was only kidding, I love chicken and lamb, they're really really tasty'

Phew!

hahaha lool. amazing. and i love aidan's logic! "duh!!!"

:D

K the other day: "Daddy, why do I ask you so many questions?"

LOL! Best.

'Daddy, I love it when you walk into my room and it's all messy and you say 'What the hell?!''

Yesterday my sons had the following exchange during dinner:

T1: (holds up plate) More kishen!
T2: No, chicken.
T1: Kishen.
T2: Chicken.
T1: Kishen.
T2: Chicken.
T1: Kishen!
T2: CHICKEN!
T1: (points at T2's frog blanket) Gimme Flocky.
T2: FROGGY!!!!!!

awwww.

I look forward to twin 2 correcting twin 1's pronunciation and grammar through college

Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: banana
Me: banana who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: orange
Me: orange who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: apple
Me: apple who?
Owen: apple you glad I didn't say grapefruit?

good twist!

nice!

My in-laws have taught my kids to sing "We Will Rock You" and "Watch Me Whip".

I taught them to sing "If Rah" by Underworld.

I can't tell if I'm doing this right or not

Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: banana
Me: banana who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: orange
Me: orange who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: apple
Me: apple who?
Owen: apple you glad I didn't say grapefruit?

― schwantz, Tuesday, June 7, 2016 12:28 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol, K has a very similar running series of knock-knock jokes

After Jeff told Ivy that matches are dangerous:

Me: Do you understand what dangerous means?
Ivy: Yiss (she says "yes" like she's from New Zealand)
Me: What else is dangerous?
Ivy: Spinach!

As I'm saying goodnight to her so her dad can put her to bed, she climbs up on my lap:

Ivy: Mommy, I want to talk to you.
Me: Okay, what do you want to talk about?
Ivy, laying her hands on either side of my face and looking me directly in the eyes: I love mango slices.

Awww

I was offering her a selection of breakfast options on Sunday: waffles, bagel, oatmeal, eggs and toast, watermelon--

Ivy: You got watermelon?
Me: I do!
Ivy, giving a double fist pump: That's AWESOME.

Apparently all she talks about is food.

i love this kid and relate to her on a deeply spiritual level

'bagel' is one of J's first words. 'snack' or a sound meaning 'snack' was like his second ever word.
although it sounds like 'bubble' which he also says a lot

J does not love mango slices today :(
He's also weird about... POTATO
the most inoffensive and delicious food

bagel sounding like bubble I mean. Bab...ball.

My niece is on her first words, and if she tries something she likes she goes "gudgudgudgud" (good) while nodding her head.

laying her hands on either side of my face and looking me directly in the eyes: I love mango slices

Lol, that reminded me of the way a friend's daughter asked a question under very different circumstances. My friend's grandmother had died, and at the wake her daughter, who was I think 3 at the time, was tugging on her to get her attention. My friend knelt down and her daughter took her face in her hands, pulled in close, and whispered "What's in the box?"

http://i.imgur.com/mbgrgdS.jpg

omg "what's in the box" is amazing.

Sorry, one more:

I'm trying to get Ivy to understand (lolol I know I know) that if we tell her "no" or to stop doing something, that she needs to listen to us. I keep saying some version of, "If we tell you 'no' it's for a reason and not just because we like to say no to you." We went through that speech two or three times last night, and then it was time to get ready for bed.

Me: Come on, let's go wash your face and hands and brush your teeth.
Ivy: No!
Me: It's time. We have to get ready for bed.
Ivy: I said NO for a REASON!

God help us.

she kind of has you there

I'm not sure if I want to quote any of the scary shit Mr. H has been coming up with.

H: Do you like me being alive?

ME: sdo9u09uj092kdsl;a OF COURSE I DO. I love you! Why would you ask me that?

H: Well, if I died, I'd go to Heaven. Then I'd get to fly around and stuff.

ME: I'd bet God wouldn't be happy you were up there so soon.

H: I guess I'd have to kick God out of Heaven then.

ME: HA! You think so, huh? You think you're the first person to come up with that?

H: I don't know about anyone else, but I know I'd kick God out and then I would be THE KID GOD.

ME: (Please don't let him become a sociopath. Please don't let him become a sociopath. I'm so sorry.)

<3

all hail our new heavenly overlord

haha whoa

Also laughing too hard at "I said NO for a REASON!"
so good.

Tomorrow night is election night in Australia; we explained to Ella that we would be watching TV all evening, and she could watch too, but it would probably be very boring for her. So she requested to watch Antiques Roadshow tonight so she could practise being bored and not minding.

Also, when trying to put a nappy on her for overnight, she suddenly sings, 'New nappy, straight to the edge! New nappy, it's a hundred degrees!'