itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

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50/50 on trading my balls for fully functional wings

never mix whiskey and red bull btw

I mean, in your stomach is fine. But not in a glass. No sir.

I want to say I was 16, maybe. My family went to Florida. I was—and still am—a passionate SCUBA diver. The water is the only place I feel graceful. I went by myself on a dive boat. There was me and maybe six other divers—all big, brawny men. I felt very small and hairless.

— Chris Jones (@EnswellJones) July 17, 2020

Incredible

i get irrationally annoyed at the "i can't stop thinking about..." framework, but for the first time in forever, i read that and now i really can't stop thinking about that part at the end where one of the guys is lamenting that they didn't use cups instead

Stick around for this sub-thread too

It's all sorts of insanity like that. Last year I went to Cozumel on a dive trip with my dad and brother. The one guy on our boat spent the entire trip grilling me on why I didn't like Donald Trump, and then in the resort pool...

— Dr. Buck Mulligan (@MorganBALROG) July 17, 2020

the story is almost certainly fiction but at least it was funny

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i can't turn my <3 into a condom

the skull and crossbones condom is great because it hurts so badly

Deuteronomytip #1016

Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and put on a heart condom