Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

THE BIBLE
God kills a bunch of people, even newborns. Then repents and sends his inoccent son to the slaughter. Make love not war. 2000 years later Mel Gibson makes a kind of video-clip movie about it. THE END

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY - OSCAR WILD
'Brad Pitt' hides a picture in his house. When he looks at it he dies. Much before this 'Jennifer Aniston' dies in a depressing theather-house.
In the middle we see how O.W. is witty & clever & gay...

chinese students, who are sent for reeducation, educate a farmer chick. she then recognizes that she can have whoever she wants. life is shit!

Agatha Christie-Murder at the Orient Express.

Man gets murdered on a train. A Belgian solves the crime. Everybody has done it.

The Time Machine - H. G. Wells

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Catcher in the rye:

He doesn't like anything, only his little sister.

The Fellowship of the Ring (1st instalment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy) - J R R tolkien

The beginning of a War long awaited. An astounding, awe-inspiring tale of wizards, elves, halflings, fighting for the freedom of a realistic, beautiful, extraordinary world.

--- Paddy, June 19th, 2004

Haruki Murakami's Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

Man's wife disappears, so he decides to follow every lead - even leads into other "dimensions." He learns vague things about the world, little about his wife.

Schiller - Das Lied von der Glocke

Hole in the ground, put some silver in !
Bell is finished, ring, ring, ring !

I was here.
Where were you?
Be back soon.
-Godot-

ok, so it's not a novel, but I couldn't resist.

Neil Gaiman -The Sandman (vols. 1 to 11):

Dream: "I'm the bee's knees."
Others: "No you're not."
"Damn -guess I'll just have to kill myself then."

(I know, technically they're graphic novels and not novels but, come on, let's not allow ourselves to be, um, stifled by restrictive and arbitrary labels!...)

Lord of the Rings

Wagner meets Warhammer?

The Tailor of Panama (John Le Carre)

Dodgy spy bullies tailor, gets told rubbish, shags tailors wife, starts war, nicks all the cash, runs away. Little people don't matter in espionage game.

E (Matt Beaumont)
Advertising staff spend all time drinking, inhaling, shagging. When company goes tits-up, older responsible staff get sacked. How very post modern?

The Outsider- Albert Camus

Don't fear the reaper.

Any book by Dan Brown
Heroine's fatherfigure is murdered/murder suspect/murderer. Mayhem ensues. Erudite hero comes to her rescue collecting/solving HanselandGretelish clues on the way. God is real...or is He?

Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh

Many people on boat. Having alighted, chaos and debauchery ensues. Many people meet again under doubtful circumstances. War begins. Youth are irrevocably changed. Fini.

The Unconsoled by Kazuo Ishiguro

Man wanders round a city. Everyone is confused.

Billy pilgrim has come unstuck in time. War is bad. So it goes.

Also, there are some aliens.

Denial - Keith Ablow

Psychiatrist has a lot of sex, takes a lot of cocaine and realizes his girlfriend is really evil. He's sad.

Projection - Keith Ablow

Psychiatrist has a lot of sex, takes some cocaine and realizes Trevor Lucas is sick. He's exhausted.

The Wave - Morton Rhue

Megalomanic teacher introduces national socialism to school, gets dicator and loses control.

The man fights the wolf. The wolf fights the man. They discover that there are many more to fight against.

The Steppenwolf - Hermann Hesse

The man fights the wolf. The wolf fights the man. They discover that there are many more to fight against.

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

Young man discovers that goose-stepping morons like him ought to be reading books instead of burning them.

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

Be a shepard. Have a wet dream. Travel. Make money. Learn how to summon a sandstorm. Understand nothing. Return home. Good book.

Veronica Decides To Die - Paulo Coelho

Spoiled brat decides to die. She doesn't. The end. Good book.

The New Confessions - William Boyd

Promising film maker hangs out with various historical figures and is captured in the First World War. Talent is greatly under-appreiciated by all, and he fails to live up to his potential.

Any Human Heart - William Boyd

Promising writer hangs out with various historical figures and is captured in the Second World War. Talent is greatly under-appreiciated by all, and he fails to live up to his potential.

Oops, just realised those are both too long.

Gould's Book of Fish - Richard Flannigan

Don't become too interested in fish or you might turn into one.

The Dispossessed - Ursula Le Guin

Anarchy sucks. Capitalism sucks harder.

The Moviegoer - Walker Percy

Well-bred New Orleans stock-broker experiences existential crisis, hooks up with step-cousin.

WHEN WE WERE ORPHANS - Kaziou Ishiguru
"I have a burning need to find my Japanese childhood friend. I wish the fucking japanese would stop fucking Shanghai while i do it!"

SOUL MUSIC - Terry Pratchett
DEATH: What's life all about when you get right down to it?
SUSAN DEATH: Damn, my grandad really did have bony knees
MUSIC WITH ROCKS IN: Mwwwhaaaahh, i will contro, this world!!
DEATH:I dont know, i play a pretty awsome guitar.

THE LAST CONTINENT - Terry Pratchett
"What are the harmless animals in Fourecks where the spiders have killed all the snakes, there are talking kangaroos, it never rains and Rincewind is currently stranded?... Some of the Sheep."

Babbit by Sinclair Lewis

Even my midlife crisis is mundane.

Atonement

Im sure there is a storyline in there somewhere. (Or so says my sister)

The Shrouded Mirror

Girl works for rich girl. Loves rich brother. Evil dead witch try to kill her from inside a mirror. Has this been done before?

That last one was by me i just forgot to change the name. Sorry!

Star Trek: Nemesis

Who cares? You can by the collectors edition on DVD!

Uno,nessuno e centomila(One,nobody and one hundred thousand) - Luigi Pirandello

Man gets crazy,rebuilds his Ego and divorces.All because of his odd nose.

La locandiera - Carlo Goldoni

A sexy woman will seduce three men in her own hostel,and eventually marry the younger/earnest one.

The importance of being Earnest - Oscar Wilde

Masterpiece.Two aristocratic,idiot but sexy ladies will get married with two not-so-earnest guys,one of them is in fact Earnest.

Patrick Melrose Trilogy (aka Some Hope) by Edward St. Aubyn

Abused aristo toddler with bent pop and soak mum does junk in NY, quits, meets royalty, lives to tell all.

You nasty lot, people die if you're not nice. -- AN INSPECTOR CALLS

Don't trust women, you get screwed over on the deal -- DOUBLE INDEMNITY

Hate is love, there is no god. Shit, God just killed my lover, I hate him. -- END OF THE AFFAIR

Look back in anger - John Osborne

Jimmy stays on the couch yelling,Alison irons.Then they(a bear and a squirrel)come back together.

Anything by Paul Auster

Satirical comment on America and moral values. Main character will die at the end.

Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

Annoying boy asks for more food, then becomes involved in an unfeasibly interwined story where he turns out to be related to his benefactor.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Romeo and Juliet by Bill Shakespeare

Underage kids get hots for each other. There's an unfortunate breakdown in communications leading to joint suicides. Their famillies feel bad.