Last (x) Movies you are going to Avoid

fuck off that isnt true

https://www.ica.org.uk/whats-on/speed-sisters

Lots of docs like this - I mean I'm sure its fine but it could also be a 20 min segment on BBC News 24.

Anyway, a lot of 'this will be in Storyville in six months' and then its on it and I won't watch anyway.

Birdman, The Revenant, death--betting on death.

Saw Birdman. Not gonna see The Revenant, because fool me once...

http://www.bfi.org.uk/news-opinion/news-bfi/announcements/steven-spielberg-season-coming-bfi-southbank-summer?utm_content=bufferf69a2&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitterbfi&utm_campaign=buffer

Burn it down.

tale of tales is like the ultimate one of these

why is hail caesar a 'cast to avoid'? don't coen bros have the same cast in every movie? do you avoid all their films?

Tale of Tales was a pretty big disappointment to me. I ended up writing about how like Arabian Nights it showed the bankruptcy of it's production country, only with ToT it's kinda inadvertently.

lol

Stoked to avoid the Daniel Radcliffe priapic corpse opus

tale of tales is like the ultimate one of these

talk about cunti amirite

Chevalier, The Commune (unfortunately not a re-run of Watkins' film on it)

Both the new ones with Greta Gerwig in them

https://www.ica.org.uk/whats-on/speed-sisters🔗

Lots of docs like this - I mean I'm sure its fine but it could also be a 20 min segment on BBC News 24.

Anyway, a lot of 'this will be in Storyville in six months' and then its on it and I won't watch anyway.

Still otm

xyzzz___ you would def not like chevalier, it's pretty much exactly how you'd picture "producer of dogtooth makes a mainstream male-bonding bro comedy" to be (one of the guys even looks a bit like the creepy manchild from the hangover films). I liked it quite a bit tbh but I like things

The Galifianakis similarity must have been intentional, especially as he's the biggest Greek-American star in Hollywood

Yeah don't need this xp

Suicide Squad

FIST FIGHT
OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

i can't wait for 2017 to bring us

OIL CHANGE
FROZEN FOOD AISLE
JAYWALKING TICKET

Just saw the ad for Collateral Beauty. Jeezus!

just watched the trailer

kids, don't do scientology

keira, never act again

The movie title has been created by the early 90's software used to make Basic Instinct/Primal Fear/Fatal Instinct/Terminal Velocity etc

Another awful trailer: Why Him?

This is even more ridiculous than I expected.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/dec/13/collateral-beauty-review-will-smith-helen-mirren-keira-knightley

Will Smith plays a super-brilliant ad exec with a Ted-talking visionary schtick about connectivity. But when he tragically loses his six-year-old to cancer, poor Will becomes a mumbling semi-crazy hermit who is in danger of running his company into the ground. He starts writing letters to abstract concepts like Death, Love and Time, to rail at them. So his sorrowing colleagues – Ed Norton, Kate Winslet and Michael Peña – cook up a sneaky plan. They intercept the letters and hire three actors, played by Helen Mirren, Keira Knightley and Jacob Latimore, to go up to Will in the street and argue with him, pretending to be Death, Love and Time. (They could also have hired Jack Black to be Eat and Morgan Freeman to be Pray – but I guess there were copyright issues.)

Ed, Kate and Michael will secretly video his arguments with these imposters, digitally remove the actors from the video to make him look like a crazy person talking to himself, then show the video to the board to get Will voted off.

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

In a just world, this would extinguish the career of everyone involved. But I think we just found our Best Picture Oscar winner!

Sully looks like weaponised boring

also a shitty kids author got her butler to write the word "pokemon" on a napkin and gave herself the rest of the year off & now people are acting surprised that the result is kind of a nothing film

Helen Mirren is the tragedy here. I could see signing onto this mess for the cashola, but this is not a hit movie by any means!

You'd like to think your favorite actors possessed somr trace of taste and discernment. For instance I thought I detected intelligence and shrewdness in the eyes of Jessica Chastain, which led me to check out Miss Sloane last week. What am embarrassment. Again, not a blockbuster formula there, so she had to think this was gonna be Good. Oh that script. Hardest I've cringed since my first exposure to the work of Diablo Cody.

I'm sort of fascinated by Collateral Beauty now. What a weird premise/way of conceiving trauma. The Village Voice review teases that there are two additional twists beyond "They're actors."

Oh boy twists

that's where I was a Viking all along

shall we guess the twists

JACKIE

if you watch it numb yourself with vodka, cigarettes, and photos of Bobby

Oh boy twists

― banfred bann (wins), Wednesday, December 14, 2016

he said last night

Bobby Kennedy looked like Bugs Bunny

let's not spoil ourselves

twist one: will smith himself secretly put up his colleagues to do this (by idk INCEPTION), so he could teach THEM a lesson

twist two: the letters were all christmas cards

I'm guessing: (1) The actors turn out really to be abstract manifestations. (2) They're joined at the end by his daughter's ghost for tearful closure.

i'm thinking that yeah, like the letters will smith writes are sort of spectral spirit versions of the nanny letter the kids write in mary poppins.

I should just put [insert the name of latest Oscar-bait biopic here] now so i don't have to bump this thread every year 'round this time.

xxpost I agree with (1) but I think (2) is a fourth-wall breaking moment where we see the screenwriter finishing the script and then masturbating to completion onto the keyboard of his Macbook.

It's definitely a case of each quality being bestowed to the respectively needful colleague tbh, the devil is in how it turns around

maybe will smith himself is a paranormal manifestation and his 'dead daughter' is us, the viewers

La La Land

Both Gosling and Stone are such weird looking folks. Like living anime. Dunno if I could deal with two hours of them trying to save their love through song and dance.

trainspotting 2: judgement day

Sing

Split.

Yeah was surprised the director was getting financed. Thought he was getting critically panned. Are people going to his films still?
Though Guardian had a 2 page article based on multiple personality with photos from film on Friday.

Haha, this thing cost $125 million?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moZIiYxUsGw

Not one but TWO TV remakes out this week: Chips and Power Rangers.