your terrible ideas

i have heard that discussed before. possibly as a made-up custom in a work of fiction, like something they do in gunk's homeland in the comic strip 'curtis.' or is it part of a very merry unbirthday? or something hobbits do? anyway it seems like a great idea imho. a society organized more around communal ties and giving vs. getting would have totally come up with that centuries ago.

A full range of goatse-inspired products, from hat racks (replacing the hooks with tiny hands that cling to the brim and showcase the inside of your hat) to coffee mugs to frozen pizzas. Guaranteed to make circles traumatic!

oh, sorry to copycat, but what about goatse branded dipping sauce for mozzarella sticks?

and you open the container by digging your fingernails into the top of the lid in the center and ripping it apart to reveal the sauce

You're hired.

"the sauce"

If I finally get around to playing live again, include a cover of Prince's 'Gett Off' in my setlist. So when the audience start shouting "get off (the stage)", instead of getting off the stage I can launch into my cover of 'Gett Off'.

An Iggy Azalea single called Baby Got Outback

rolled goats

a computer program that purportedly deletes all of your unfinished writings from your computer in the event of your death (as evidenced by your failure to login for more than 30 days) — but in actuality it bundles everything into a RAR and forwards it to 20 different publishing houses under the subject line 'The Great Unheralded Lost Writings of [your name]'. I would call it maxbrod.exe.

A cleaners called "Watch Out, Iron New York"

not mine but:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AKZk2ldPWs

An album performed in the style of Big Black, called 'Songs About Thatcher', where all the tracks are cover versions of 80s pop songs criticising Margaret Thatcher, with the opening track being a cover of Hue & Cry's 'Labour Of Love'.

Pants that change color when you piss yourself. I mean that change to a color other than the color of a piss stain.

How about pants that make the "WHOOOORP!!! WHOOOORP!!! WHOOOORP!!!" siren sound from the 'Rogue One' trailer whenever you piss yourself?

I had to do a double take there, because in England pants = underpants. Actually that reminds me of an incident at a place where I used to work. I was talking with two of my then colleagues and there was a three/four second pause in the conversation, which was broken by the non-English* colleague saying "I need to buy some more pants", which resulted in the English colleague and myself going o______________O

(*ie from a country where pants = trousers)

Please feel free to use that last line as a display name, anyone.

These can be color-changing pants of the US or the UK variety. Or both.

A coffeemaker with a Rob Schneider voicechip that just says "makin' coffee!" over and over while it's brewing.

Underpants that make the siren sound and trousers that change colour - both bases covered.

...in piss

lol snoball did you both then instinctively look at his crotch

No, we looked sideways at each other, then non-English colleague went "no no no I meant trousers".

cover of I'm Waiting For The Man except instead of going to a bad neighbourhood to buy heroin it's about downloading an mp3 from a website that looks like it might infect your computer with malware

I'm writing a novella tentatively called "Rape God: A Comic Fantasy"

conservative luxury menswear brand called Carl Marks

I actually think this might be a brilliant idea.

oh, guess you can't make this shit up

http://carlmarks.com/

a memorial service that erects a 'footstone' on the point on the earth's surface diametrically opposite to your gravesite

A country song called "The Privilege Check is in the Mail"

lol

OMG @ the actual thing that Carl Marks is.

It's like that time when entrepreneurs Will Adle and Geoffrey Fiddler used the combination of their last names as the name of their Jewish rights organization.

a turntable with a large bowl above a non-adjustable tracking force weight. parents can fill this bowl with vegetables to be sure their hipster child cannot listen to records until he has eaten his vegetables.

or you can fill it with cat food and have Bob Seger alarm you that your cat is low on food

maybe the bowl has a heating element so that you can boil water and use it as an alarm for a duration set by the amount of water you put in

something similar to those nerd merchandise box things (lootcrate, etc) where you get a random selection of items related to your interest, but for stoners

doobcrate

http://i.imgur.com/5qqhMXK.jpg iirc

http://cdn1.theweedblog.com/wp-content/uploads/skywalker-og-marijuana-strain1.jpg

a multidisciplinary meta sports league called Skill that sends its representatives to different sporting events to judge the teams based on their adherence to proper form rather than how many goals they've scored. the NBA might award the Hawks a 115-to-104 victory over the Celtics, but the Skill judges, taking into account the quality of every pass, jump, and guard, might award the Celtics an 827-to-784 victory in the same game. the Skill scoring system will be scaled so that you can compare the best basketball team to the best air hockey team or the best tennis player to the best conkers player, and Skill awards ceremonies will be a zoo of athletes who would otherwise have nothing to do with each other.

I'm not sure how Skill judges would deal with sports like gymnastics and dance where athletes are already judged solely on form. I guess they'd just cosign the official scores.

I conceived a web series called "Dad Patrol" in which a group of vigilante dads show up where teenagers are making trouble and embarrass them.

or you can fill it with cat food and have Bob Seger alarm you that your cat is low on food

― Sufjan Grafton, Wednesday, May 4, 2016 4:05 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Thanking you for now hearing a loop of Seger singing "hey man your cat is out of food" to the tune of 'Old Time Rock n' Roll'.

a comic book with a story identical to that of batman but the bored rich guy instead uses his wealth to cheat at sports and break records

t-shirt saying NO FUTURE but the FUTURE part is crossed out

Remake of Eraserhead spliced together out of footage from Eraser and Head.

a gift for one of my friends whom I after a fun weeknd in Hamburg's St. Pauli quarter jokingly call "saint poundy" consisting of among other things: an Ezra Pound collection, pound cake, one pound sterling... other terrible suggestions welcome

A cassingle of Van Halen's Poundcake

Here you go:

http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2050601.m570.l1313.TR0.TRC0.H0.Xvan+halen+poundcake+single.TRS0&_nkw=van+halen+poundcake+single&_sacat=0

A Pound Puppy doll. One-seventh of a DVD of the movie Seven Pounds. And you should probably have his car im-'pound'-ed. If he's really your friend, he'll get the joke.

the works of chuck tingle.