Kids say the darndest things

Me: what's happening in Lego town over here
V: I've been adding this building, it's the office for the newspaper.
Me: Oh yeah? what newspaper?
V: (thinks for a second) the Daily Brick!

My kids got sick last week with more terrible viruses; this time only one of them ended up in the hospital and it was only for an overnight observational stay. It completely consumed our weekend and last night, due to dehydration, he was VERY gassy/constipated and spent most of the evening complaining until he let out a massive fart at 3:30 AM, stopped screaming and fell asleep.

Apparently he's pooped a million times today. Better that than screaming like he's being murdered or coughing up both lungs, though.

Kid's been saying "car" for a while now but hasn't been able to say "truck". Now it's sort of morphing and has turned into the word "cock", which is awesome as he's watching videos of monster trucks on fire and yelling HOT COCK HOT COCK.

My little brother as a kid pronounced the "tr" sound as "fw" which obviously lead to me and my teenaged friends goading him into saying truck you, etc.

My kids got sick last week with more terrible viruses; this time only one of them ended up in the hospital and it was only for an overnight observational stay. It completely consumed our weekend and last night, due to dehydration, he was VERY gassy/constipated and spent most of the evening complaining until he let out a massive fart at 3:30 AM, stopped screaming and fell asleep.

Apparently he's pooped a million times today. Better that than screaming like he's being murdered or coughing up both lungs, though.

― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Monday, March 21, 2016 2:08 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

PP what was that magical stuff we use to use called?

Henry, on the toilet, with me as his deep thoughts audience once again:
H: 'Did you know that saladbread is poisonous?'
Me: 'Really?'
H: 'Yes! I ate it once'
Me: 'I don't remember you being sick from eating saladbread'
H: 'Oh, well, if you drink a special potion after you eat it you don't get sick.'
Me. 'Ah. Where did you get saladbread? I've never heard of it'
H: 'There is a Saladbread planet! I went there with four astronauts and we ate it.'
Me: 'Wow. I hope you gave the astronauts some of your potion'
H: 'No! Hahahaha'
H: 'You know what else is poisonous?'
Me: 'Nope'
H: (in a loud conspiratorial whisper)'CHICKEN BODIES'
Me 'Chicken bodies!! Do they come from a chicken body planet'
H: 'No! They're from Earth!'
Me: 'oh.'

Like, DUH

Pretty surreal!

PP what was that magical stuff we use to use called?

http://i.imgur.com/3Lbyz7i.jpg

Daddies can share in the bliss too.

the next time my son asks what's in my cocktail I'm going to say "gripe water"

Having eard Sleeping Beauty, and learned that it was a prick from an enchanted spindle that sent Beauty to sleep, Ella says to me: "I'll be Sleeping Beauty and you be the prick."

Gold!

Dalton: Do you know what a go-go dancer is?

Is this a trick question?

lol

my sister used to be p much addicted to gripe water. I think she used to steal it from the first aid cupboard and just walk around with it.

Max is Henry and Beatrice's cousin. He is 3 month younger than Henry. He lives in Australia.

One night Henry was getting angry because he had to do his homework.He suddenly declared:

"I don't hate God but I HATE everyone on this earth! Everyone!!! Except Max. God and Max.'

I texted this to my brother who told Max. He said Max laughed but also nodded like he understood. Cousins.

(On the walk to school)
K: Is there a car called "Tack-L"?
Me: Um, what do you mean? Did you see that somewhere?
K: You know, like "Tack-C." Is there "Tack-L"?

Took me a minute there.

lol me too at the time

We were playing "Say Anything" (kind of like Cards Against Humanity, but for kids).

Question (for Ben): What headline would I (Ben) most like to see?
Me and the wife wrote "Ben Wins Gold Medal" and "Videogames More Healthy Than Reading."

Owen wrote the winning answer: "Ted Cruz Assassinates Donald Trump, While Getting Shot By A Bazooka."

Question: What would be the weirdest thing to collect?

Ben's answer: Fox genitals

LOL

guess you better get rid of you fox genital collection

I think someone should shop Harry S Truman holding up a newspaper with that headline.

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1647/26203826981_40e207997b.jpg

:D

Everything seemed normal after I picked my 5-year-old up from my wife's sister's house yesterday. An hour or so after we got home though, she started singing the chorus to Enter the Ninja by Die Antwoord. :(

lol

my 7-y-o has starting appending "babe" to everything he says. "i want some milk, babe."

Kid's ready to make some deals!

Follow-up to my last post:

Little kid: I I I/I am your butterfly/I need your protection/a mee mo samurai...
Me: I think the words are "be my samurai".
Little kid: I I I/I am your butterfly/I need your protection/be...my...samurai... I think "a mee mo samurai" is easier to sing than "be my samurai"
Me: Well, sing it however you want, I guess. It's your song now.
Little kid: Yeah, I got the ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle, I got uuhhhhhhh, Eye of the Tiger, Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb, and...Hey - I haven't heard Cherry Bomb these days!

lol that Tracer's kid is a Jason Sudeikis character

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/snl/images/2/25/Dennis_Miller.jpg

i have no idea where he gets it. my wife and i have never said that, ever. today he said 'sup bro.' am i raising a.... douchebag?

Lololol.

Haha hl, your kid singing cherry bomb reminds me of when I was about 6 and I used to sing "I was made for lovin' you" by KISS all the time. Much, I'm sure, to my parents amusement.

"cherry bomb" is a great family song, teaches you to politely say hello to both your parents

It's family-centered and very cordial!

Haha hl, your kid singing cherry bomb reminds me of when I was about 6 and I used to sing "I was made for lovin' you" by KISS all the time. Much, I'm sure, to my parents amusement.

When our son was pre-school age, he used to entertain us by singing along to 3 by Britney Spears, a song about threeways. Or a song about numbers! He's in an advanced math class now so I don't give a shit.

We're trying to get ready for bedtime. Henry addresses us from the top of this thing:

http://i.imgur.com/Bqqsvg6.jpg

"OK, I'm in no longer in Creative Mode. I am in Survival Mode."

Henry after hurting himself:

'Oh no! I took some damage!'

Henry after graduating Pre-K:

'I unlocked an achievement!'

Officially too much video game time :P

This morning, when I got to work, there was a voice mail from my 3 year old daughter informing me that her leg isn't broken.

(she fell yesterday, it was bleeding a bit and insisted that this meant it was broken, I guess it stopped bleeding)

<3

Little dude will eat a cup of yogurt, maybe two, every afternoon if we let him. I say "if we let him" because I sure as hell ain't going to buy 20 cups a yogurt a week for the boy.

But I went grocery shopping while he was napping on Saturday and brought home enough yogurt to fill the refrigerator drawer.

When he woke up and immediately pivoted to the kitchen, he exclaimed to his mom, "Oh cool! The yogurt respawned while I was sleeping!"

http://i.imgur.com/qoWan41.gif

both of my kids have started saying 'Oh Em Gee!' as a visceral, knee-jerk response to amazing (to them) turns of events. like it is just a genuine, non-ironic expression of amazement. which is amazing, to me.

One of my two-year-old toddlers has begun expressing a keen interest in identifying car logos. He is pretty much 100% accurate on:

Toyota
Honda
BMW
Mercedes

He's about 75% accurate on:

Mazda
Nissan

He has problems distinguishing these logos from the Honda logo:

Lexus
Hyundai

So far he does not give two shits about American cars, which means he truly is My Child

That's awesome! My kid went through a big car-identification phase about a year ago. Honda and Hyundai were her favorites. There's a disappointing lack of toy Hyundais at the grocery store.

There have been many "humorous" potty-training false starts because he has looked out the window and shouted "Toyot!" which we have then interpreted to be a request to be put on the potty.

Officially too much video game time :P

― schwantz, Monday, April 18, 2016 10:48 AM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Most recently when more yogurt somehow magically appeared in the fridge (ie his father went grocery shopping):

"The yogurt respawned!'