Last (x) Movies you are going to Avoid

dunno if something can be both quirky and viscerally crushing but this is a thread of hatred so on we go. obv i am never watching The Revenant ever

Even though I set-up the thread no one needs to follow all the rules (not that there are any hard-and-fast rules) so yeah defend if you happen to watch and like it. Obviously I'm saying 'no way' on the basis of a trailer or a review of it or what I hear about it. xp

The rams trailer made it look like quirky deadpan comedy but it's like straight tragedy. I liked it, probably in large part because it wasn't the former - as we were leaving my friend said "imagine if that had been a British film" and we both shuddered at the thought of the fucking michael gambon rhys ifans bullshit that would be

youth really was pretty bad -- glacial male-artist sorrow (certainly the end of something or other, one would sort of have to think), that one guy who only plays quivering bureaucrats as a quivering bureaucrat, all dialogue clearly written but not spoken in esl which gave the whole movie such a stilted uncanny feeling i almost liked it. liked the giant marx tattoo i guess.

anomalisa was perfect on its own extremely limited and unpleasant terms.

the coens have been at the top of their career since burn after reading so i am very excited for this obviously slight one.

anyway, deadpool.

The Revenant, The Danish Girl, the Dakota Fanning trans boy movie, most of the foreseeable superhero movies, Zoolander 2

all of them

― mookieproof, Sunday, March 6, 2016 12:49 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm.

I am the Joey Chestnut of avoiding movies

had no idea stone was making a snowden movie; that's unnecessary. idk if there's a scene in oliver stone's whole oeuvre better than the fire alarm sequence in citizenfour unless it's the one where joe pesci's wig comes off.

Rams should be seen just for the awesome images of Iceland :) They have this whole boom of cheap films filmed around the countryside, using the landscape and many amateur actors. All of the films have names like Rams, Sparrows, Volcano, Virgin Mountain, Of Horses and Men. It's a style, kinda.

Yeah, Youth is pretty bad. Sorrentino has only made 'big-male-sorrow' films. His last three films were male-artist-sorrow, but before that it was politician and mafiosi. It's definitely the biggest failing of his filmography, and Youth is really doubling down on it. The guy is still just 45, why are all his films about men growing old and irrelevant? But he is a good picture-maker, and Youth has good pictures.

When Tree of Life came out the local alt-weekly ran two reviews: "I Saw The Tree of Life, and I Loved It" and "I Didn't See The Tree of Life, and I Hated It." I'll always love Badlands and should get around to watching The Thin Red Line but nothing after that has had much appeal.

The only 'my god what rubbish' reaction I've had to a trailer recently was for The BFG, but after the disaster of Tintin I was unlikely to see another Spielberg kids' movie anyway.

The trailer for Hail, Caesar pretty much gives the entire movie away - and does so in a far snappier fashion than the film itself. Ralph Fiennes is the standout turn in H,C but even that wasn't enough to make me see A Bigger Splash, especially after I read a really arsey interview w/ the director in Sight and Sound.

And yes, Youth was unrecoverable in any coherent critical way as a 'good' movie, but it's not an especially interesting bad movie either. The corollary of its male-artist-sorrow is a gross sexism and general disregard for any of the female characters (Rachel Weisz and Jane Fonda probably give the best performances in the film, but they're marginalised and trivialised when set against mouldy Michael Caine and mumbling Harvey Keitel). Also thought This Must Be The Place was a turd, so yeah, it def feels like Sorrentino loses something quite crucial when working with an English Language script.

The Big Fucken Giant. Never saw Tintin but I will do my duty and watch it as part of the big Spielberg project. But I get to stop at Bridge Of Spies, then my commitment ends, so the BFG can G the F O.
Never watched Avatar, Titanic, Independence Day, any Jurassic Park sequels, I watch a hella lit of bad ibdies but I can't be bothered with that shit.
Still Alice, my mother keeps trying to show me and I am "no thank you"

Fast/Furious films, Saw films, TV spinoffs...

The director of A Bigger Splash is Luca Guadagnino who made the quite good I Am Love, so def seeing A Bigger Splash.

I watched Synecdoche New York two days back and decided to give Anomalisa a pass.

guys if you're not hating on days of heaven you're hating malick wrong

its like if you're really going to hate oasis you can't just start hating with 'be here now'. you have to commit to your hate. it's like hating only the late u2: fuck that.

i am love is a garbage movie for garbage people

oh my god rain on a statues face it looks like the statue is crying fuck me did your 5yo cowrite this thing

anomalisa is a great title for a mediocre mid-90s indie record

dlh's thing on youth and esl kinda makes me want to see it, or at least make a movie that uses the same trick to some effect

Non-english speaking people has been doing this for decades.

'Oh look at this stupid director, he isn't even a native English speaker, and he still thinks he can make a global film! lol, what a weirdo.'

'Meanwhile, isn't Eddie Redmayne amazing as a Dane, let's give him all the oscars!'

i think there was more to dlh's claim than that tbh

Anything with "today's comedy superstars" US version - people I generally find unfunny (Louis CK, Tina Fey, The Amy's Schumer and Poehler) ---everything I've seen them in up to now a resounding dud so no thanks.
Anything by Lanthimos
"Anomalisa" was a real chore.

Also - no more Baumbach. Or Ben Stiller ( he just seems fed up in everything).

obv non-native english speakers direct movies in english all the time. feel like writing movies in english is at least rarer but of course there is nothing silly about that either. it can just be noticeable is all, and when your leads have voices as distinct and culturally situated as michael caine and harvey keitel it's more noticeable. you sometimes see a milder version of this quality when yanks/brits write for brits/yanks.

or when woody allen writes for anyone.

Youth was so wack

Youth and A Bigger Splash are both showing at the local arthouse but they both sound so boooring. Youth in particular and not even a Maradona cameo can make it appealing.

Anomalisa is great and everyone should watch it btw

It isn't the 'real' Maradona in Youth, fwiw

Kinda looking forward to nu-Malick. Partly because I haven't caught anything he has put out at the cinema so I didn't get annoyed. Plus the new one has good post-cinema conversation potential.

Oliver Stone's Snowden thing

What's the point of that?!

story ticks so many Stone boxes he probably feels obliged to run thru the motions

As long as he can shoehorn in the Cuban gay mafia its ok I guess.

Gonna pay p close attention to my studious avoidance of Christopher Nolan's ouevre from now on, I think I might not watch interstellar this week

Tom Hiddleston double; High-Rise/I Saw The Light

High Rise (Ben Wheatley, 2015) - say no to adaptations of unfilmable books. Can see why greats like Nic Roeg left this alone for a guy who I see has directed television to pick up.

I see nic roeg has directed television

A lot of it in the mid-90s. Britpop was a tough time for everybody.

I don't see how High Rise is unfilmable tbh

a guy who I see has directed television

lol at being bothered to research Wheatley enough to know this, but not bothered enough to consider his actual film work.

But hey, it's the negative thread so carry on as you are. Sadly I can't think of any more current things to hate on, I'm sure I will be back soon though.

Wasn't doing "research", just looked at a couple of wiki pages.

While everyone else wasted their time on British cinema I watched Manoel De Oliveira's last film. A real, proper film.

One single screening #RIPCinema

:D

Wheatley's "A Field In England" is freaky brilliance. Am looking forward to watching "High Rise".

^that's not the spirit! ;)

Ok! Here's one: Am avoiding the ugly Batman/Superman bs by that auteur-for-bros Zach Snyder

That French film that isn't about Florence Foster Jenkins

Do you mean 'Frears'?

Haha omg just realised that there's an actual ffj biopic coming out as well! Not seeing that either tbh

He, yeah, and it's directed by someone whose name could have been an auto-correct from French. I still don't really get what film you're talking about, though?

oh wait B.McC was posted

just saw marie antoinette the other night, it ruled

and I hear good things about John Wick

Ha, I knew I was setting myself up with that post. Although I should've clarified that I meant biographical films using that title format. Under the new, tightened restrictions, I'd say the only exceptions mentioned that prove the rule are Ed Wood and Air Bud.

Erin Brockovitch?

Marie Antoinette doesn’t fit firstname + lastname formula y’all

Definitely one that sucked was Steve Jobs

Probably doesn’t need to be stated, but: Cats

I totally forgot Cats was even happening until I saw some fancy new edition of the Eliot book today. And then I remembered and I died. I died, guys. I died.

Most of the movies represented during the pre-Star Wars trailer suite looked like steamy refuse but the only one that stood out enough to really get my goat was the one that, sight unseen, I would've found the least objectionable.

Why. The fuck. Is the dog in the new Call of the Wild 100% bad CGI. What could possibly justify not using an actual dog in a live action movie about a dog. Did Harrison Ford only agree to star if they were willing to hang a green screen hung in his living room so he never had to leave his easy chair?

EXCLUSIVE: James @mang0ld to direct Timothee Chalamet in Searchlight’s #GoingElectric about Bob Dylan’s move from folk to rock musichttps://t.co/OZnkvp1dVs

— Deadline Hollywood (@DEADLINE) January 6, 2020

Lol good nominee

ugggggh Fuckkkk that!

Chalamet is a terrible actor

coming around on it purely for the fact that no on will be more annoyed at its existence than robert himself

I thought I read he was executive producing it?

jesus, missed that

some fuckwit has made a movie about the military wives choir

We needed calendar girls for gammonettes

I would watch a Short Cuts style movie about the wall of gammon lads tbh

I once sent a very offensive and treasonable comment to military wives choir on twitter in response to their xmas single when i was pissed. GCHQ probably have a file on me.

ugh, Peter Cattaneo

as well as all that other parochial garbage he also did the fucking A Word. I nearly assaulted my television with a lump hammer over that shit!

jesus what a wasteman

ffs Sharon Horgan youre better than this

She was also in that awful Game Night movie, which she was also better than.