Last (x) Movies you are going to Avoid

dunno if something can be both quirky and viscerally crushing but this is a thread of hatred so on we go. obv i am never watching The Revenant ever

Even though I set-up the thread no one needs to follow all the rules (not that there are any hard-and-fast rules) so yeah defend if you happen to watch and like it. Obviously I'm saying 'no way' on the basis of a trailer or a review of it or what I hear about it. xp

The rams trailer made it look like quirky deadpan comedy but it's like straight tragedy. I liked it, probably in large part because it wasn't the former - as we were leaving my friend said "imagine if that had been a British film" and we both shuddered at the thought of the fucking michael gambon rhys ifans bullshit that would be

youth really was pretty bad -- glacial male-artist sorrow (certainly the end of something or other, one would sort of have to think), that one guy who only plays quivering bureaucrats as a quivering bureaucrat, all dialogue clearly written but not spoken in esl which gave the whole movie such a stilted uncanny feeling i almost liked it. liked the giant marx tattoo i guess.

anomalisa was perfect on its own extremely limited and unpleasant terms.

the coens have been at the top of their career since burn after reading so i am very excited for this obviously slight one.

anyway, deadpool.

The Revenant, The Danish Girl, the Dakota Fanning trans boy movie, most of the foreseeable superhero movies, Zoolander 2

all of them

― mookieproof, Sunday, March 6, 2016 12:49 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm.

I am the Joey Chestnut of avoiding movies

had no idea stone was making a snowden movie; that's unnecessary. idk if there's a scene in oliver stone's whole oeuvre better than the fire alarm sequence in citizenfour unless it's the one where joe pesci's wig comes off.

Rams should be seen just for the awesome images of Iceland :) They have this whole boom of cheap films filmed around the countryside, using the landscape and many amateur actors. All of the films have names like Rams, Sparrows, Volcano, Virgin Mountain, Of Horses and Men. It's a style, kinda.

Yeah, Youth is pretty bad. Sorrentino has only made 'big-male-sorrow' films. His last three films were male-artist-sorrow, but before that it was politician and mafiosi. It's definitely the biggest failing of his filmography, and Youth is really doubling down on it. The guy is still just 45, why are all his films about men growing old and irrelevant? But he is a good picture-maker, and Youth has good pictures.

When Tree of Life came out the local alt-weekly ran two reviews: "I Saw The Tree of Life, and I Loved It" and "I Didn't See The Tree of Life, and I Hated It." I'll always love Badlands and should get around to watching The Thin Red Line but nothing after that has had much appeal.

The only 'my god what rubbish' reaction I've had to a trailer recently was for The BFG, but after the disaster of Tintin I was unlikely to see another Spielberg kids' movie anyway.

The trailer for Hail, Caesar pretty much gives the entire movie away - and does so in a far snappier fashion than the film itself. Ralph Fiennes is the standout turn in H,C but even that wasn't enough to make me see A Bigger Splash, especially after I read a really arsey interview w/ the director in Sight and Sound.

And yes, Youth was unrecoverable in any coherent critical way as a 'good' movie, but it's not an especially interesting bad movie either. The corollary of its male-artist-sorrow is a gross sexism and general disregard for any of the female characters (Rachel Weisz and Jane Fonda probably give the best performances in the film, but they're marginalised and trivialised when set against mouldy Michael Caine and mumbling Harvey Keitel). Also thought This Must Be The Place was a turd, so yeah, it def feels like Sorrentino loses something quite crucial when working with an English Language script.

The Big Fucken Giant. Never saw Tintin but I will do my duty and watch it as part of the big Spielberg project. But I get to stop at Bridge Of Spies, then my commitment ends, so the BFG can G the F O.
Never watched Avatar, Titanic, Independence Day, any Jurassic Park sequels, I watch a hella lit of bad ibdies but I can't be bothered with that shit.
Still Alice, my mother keeps trying to show me and I am "no thank you"

Fast/Furious films, Saw films, TV spinoffs...

The director of A Bigger Splash is Luca Guadagnino who made the quite good I Am Love, so def seeing A Bigger Splash.

I watched Synecdoche New York two days back and decided to give Anomalisa a pass.

guys if you're not hating on days of heaven you're hating malick wrong

its like if you're really going to hate oasis you can't just start hating with 'be here now'. you have to commit to your hate. it's like hating only the late u2: fuck that.

i am love is a garbage movie for garbage people

oh my god rain on a statues face it looks like the statue is crying fuck me did your 5yo cowrite this thing

anomalisa is a great title for a mediocre mid-90s indie record

dlh's thing on youth and esl kinda makes me want to see it, or at least make a movie that uses the same trick to some effect

Non-english speaking people has been doing this for decades.

'Oh look at this stupid director, he isn't even a native English speaker, and he still thinks he can make a global film! lol, what a weirdo.'

'Meanwhile, isn't Eddie Redmayne amazing as a Dane, let's give him all the oscars!'

i think there was more to dlh's claim than that tbh

Anything with "today's comedy superstars" US version - people I generally find unfunny (Louis CK, Tina Fey, The Amy's Schumer and Poehler) ---everything I've seen them in up to now a resounding dud so no thanks.
Anything by Lanthimos
"Anomalisa" was a real chore.

Also - no more Baumbach. Or Ben Stiller ( he just seems fed up in everything).

obv non-native english speakers direct movies in english all the time. feel like writing movies in english is at least rarer but of course there is nothing silly about that either. it can just be noticeable is all, and when your leads have voices as distinct and culturally situated as michael caine and harvey keitel it's more noticeable. you sometimes see a milder version of this quality when yanks/brits write for brits/yanks.

or when woody allen writes for anyone.

Youth was so wack

Youth and A Bigger Splash are both showing at the local arthouse but they both sound so boooring. Youth in particular and not even a Maradona cameo can make it appealing.

Anomalisa is great and everyone should watch it btw

It isn't the 'real' Maradona in Youth, fwiw

Kinda looking forward to nu-Malick. Partly because I haven't caught anything he has put out at the cinema so I didn't get annoyed. Plus the new one has good post-cinema conversation potential.

Oliver Stone's Snowden thing

What's the point of that?!

story ticks so many Stone boxes he probably feels obliged to run thru the motions

As long as he can shoehorn in the Cuban gay mafia its ok I guess.

Gonna pay p close attention to my studious avoidance of Christopher Nolan's ouevre from now on, I think I might not watch interstellar this week

Tom Hiddleston double; High-Rise/I Saw The Light

High Rise (Ben Wheatley, 2015) - say no to adaptations of unfilmable books. Can see why greats like Nic Roeg left this alone for a guy who I see has directed television to pick up.

I see nic roeg has directed television

A lot of it in the mid-90s. Britpop was a tough time for everybody.

I don't see how High Rise is unfilmable tbh

a guy who I see has directed television

lol at being bothered to research Wheatley enough to know this, but not bothered enough to consider his actual film work.

But hey, it's the negative thread so carry on as you are. Sadly I can't think of any more current things to hate on, I'm sure I will be back soon though.

Wasn't doing "research", just looked at a couple of wiki pages.

While everyone else wasted their time on British cinema I watched Manoel De Oliveira's last film. A real, proper film.

One single screening #RIPCinema

:D

Wheatley's "A Field In England" is freaky brilliance. Am looking forward to watching "High Rise".

^that's not the spirit! ;)

Ok! Here's one: Am avoiding the ugly Batman/Superman bs by that auteur-for-bros Zach Snyder

That French film that isn't about Florence Foster Jenkins

Do you mean 'Frears'?

Haha omg just realised that there's an actual ffj biopic coming out as well! Not seeing that either tbh

He, yeah, and it's directed by someone whose name could have been an auto-correct from French. I still don't really get what film you're talking about, though?

Jesus... how are you holding up?

lol

I mean the film is exactly what it looks like. I could have seen a preview of it for free earlier this week and couldn’t be bothered, it genuinely never occurred to me that it could be the surprise film. When the title came up several people murmured “oh no”

One of my funniest cinema experiences was years ago at the film festival, they always close with a mystery film (eg last year was Roma), that year it was that proclaimers musical for some reason. When the title came up two guys in front of me looked at each other and without saying a word got up and left - maybe you had to be there but it made the whole thing worthwhile for me

When the title came up several people murmured “oh no”

lmfao!!

I saw the trailer for it before Yesterday (which I really liked, leagues better than Rocketman and, from what I gather, BoRap), and the Springsteen movie is like one of those shitty 95/96 Pulp Fiction ripoffs, but of a movie released 2 months prior.

Avoiding the hell out of that Springsteen movie, but I keep reading reviews of it for some reason. I'm weirdly fascinated by the fact that it even exists. A couple of Springsteen superfans made a movie about the true story of one of them becoming a Springsteen superfan? And people let this happen?

Probably got through on the strength of the current wave of boomer rock flicks (Queen, Elton, that “what if the Beatles never happened?” one...)

(which I now see represents the bulk of the recent discussion in this thread)

I saw the title of the thread and was like, "hmm, I wonder if there's anything about that Springsteen movie." Was amused to see that this is all that's been talked about in the thread for the last month or so.

The Irishman

I’ve somehow avoided hearing that much about this, and I can’t imagine myself not being curious enough to watch any new Scorsese at some point, but the “de-aging” stuff looks ridiculous.

everything about it seems completely dumb and pointless to me, but its going to be playing at the arthouse down the block from me and tbh i feel like theres probably going to be a quiet night when my morbid curiosity gets the best of me and i'll take a sad walk of shame down there to check it out

you ppl who proudly watch Tarantella's offal

Totino is best film maker of are generatin, Scorswayze is tired hakc

fucking Tom Hanks mr Rogers

Scorsese’s good imo

Didn’t watch the Dylan thing but will see this at some point, if it weren’t on Netflix I’d watch it sooner

you princes of Maine
you ppl who proudly watch tarantella's offal

It is with pride that I do tarantella

How was your boy genius Spielberg's intellectual property wankfest Ready Player One again?

Far fewer than 210 minutes, for starters.

So are all of Tarantino’s films, except for the sole all-in-one print of Kill Bill, which Morbs didn’t fly to Austin or Paris to see in 2011.

shorter than the Irishman: ready player one, all Tarantino

longer than the Irishman: satantango, all lav diaz, flying from New York to Paris to watch kill bill

Earlier this year I sat through 1900 (5+ hours) and didn't even stretch my legs at the intermission. But this year's crop of Oscar bait is going to have to be pretty weak to get me to see The Irishman in a theater.

Turns out there were two screenings in Philly in 2013 - Morbs could have taken the Megabus for the matinée and been back in NYC for dinner.

flying from New York to Paris to watch kill bill

iirc you were the ilxor who was going to fly to New York to watch Eight Hours Don't Make a Day!

Also, not quite ALL Lav Diaz.

Well I mean that wasn’t why I flew to New York. But I’d do it again even tho both flight and screening were longer than the Irishman, ready player one, and all Tarantino