a one-man stage adaptation of "catcher in the rye" that is just a kid in a hospital bed looking at the audience & reciting the entire text of the novel verbatim
― gr8080, Thursday, 25 February 2016 22:42 (eight years ago) link
love it
― marcos, Thursday, 25 February 2016 22:53 (eight years ago) link
a rolex with an enamel middle finger a penis for the hour and minute hands, at the top of every hour it says "I'M RICH"
― davey, Thursday, 25 February 2016 23:44 (eight years ago) link
in light of the popularity of (1) standing desks and (2) the squat position as some kind of paleo-natural thingy, I give you: The Squat Desk. It's basically just a really low desk. You squat at it.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 21:32 (eight years ago) link
combine it with a toilet = increase efficiency and muscle tone
― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 2 March 2016 21:37 (eight years ago) link
I generally love the concept though that with the right equipment, we can make doing stationary work in an office for 8-12 hours a day more like being a hunter gatherer.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 21:40 (eight years ago) link
imagine sitting in at a desk which is zooming through a forest, the wind flowing through your hair
― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 2 March 2016 21:41 (eight years ago) link
xp which gives me a new idea: office foraging. bet you have the best luck in the kitchen cabinets and fridge.
― Toof Seteltha (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 21:48 (eight years ago) link
oh I already office forage
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 22:02 (eight years ago) link
i had a terrible romantic comedy idea last night.
Two lovers register to be organ donors. Tragically they both die at a young age. Their eyes (or corneas, at least, although if this took place in the near future maybe it would be the entire eye) are transplanted into two other people, strangers, who of course run into each other on the street, look into each others' eyes, and fall in love at first sight. BUT, they really don't get along with each other and soon break up. but soon after, one of them is trapped in a fire and the other one happens to be there and saves their life. they get back together and this time have a child. but the old personality conflicts return as the realities of a dead-end job and extended postpartum depression set in. they go through marriage counseling, and it turns out the counselor was the former doorman for the apartment where the original eye donors briefly lived. he recognizes their eyes, but he can't say anything because it turns out that he was secretly in love with one of the donators. and looking at those corneas again, all these years later, he realizes he's still in love with her. he can never bring himself to say anything about it, but he does successfully sabotage their marriage. later they run into each other at a bar and he tries to see if there's a spark there between them, but there really isn't much there. he's very drunk, and ends up telling her that he sabotaged their marriage, not through anything that he said per se, but definitely by not saying what he should have said in his marriage counselor role. the eye donation receivers once again get back together, but this time they begin fighting from the first instant they reunite. they fight and fight, but by this time they're pretty old and there's little chance of finding anyone else out there and they'd rather not be alone, so they just stay together and talk about their eyeballs.
― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 2 March 2016 22:41 (eight years ago) link
Wow. A+ would produce.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 23:46 (eight years ago) link
I'm thinking the story of the first couple unfolds as a brief prologue, then opening credits over a Coen-esque transplant sequence set to "I Only Have Eyes Gor You"
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 23:49 (eight years ago) link
*For, obv
jeepers creepers
― Mordy, Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:06 (eight years ago) link
What if the couple with the new eyeballs are also realtors, and they are always trying to sell the dead lovers' house to some tasteless dorks. But the dead lovers aren't having it, so the eyeballs are constantly doing shit to sabotage the sell, such as falling out of their new owners' skulls.
― Toof Seteltha (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:16 (eight years ago) link
this sounds a lot like the plot of dead again
― Mordy, Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:19 (eight years ago) link
but there's also this guy, Ibull Jus, that the eyeballs can hire to help them
― Toof Seteltha (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:23 (eight years ago) link
one great terrible thing about eyeballs is that it allows for a really flexible plot. you can just have them transplanted somewhere else with no explanation and suddenly it's a thriller
― Karl Malone, Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:25 (eight years ago) link
an eyeball's lifetime may contain many, many human lifetimes
― Toof Seteltha (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:35 (eight years ago) link
I sometimes wonder what my eyeballs saw before I was born, and the doctor popped this particular set into my skull
― Toof Seteltha (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:36 (eight years ago) link
I dunno guys, these rom-com plots are always a little too cornea.
― pplains, Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:39 (eight years ago) link
a vape pen that looks like a miniature bahn mi
― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:50 (eight years ago) link
a friend that you can eat (and is tasty) but who will also regenerate within 2 weeks and won't remember anything about it
― Karl Malone, Thursday, 3 March 2016 00:58 (eight years ago) link
cats with swappable limbs so they give you a real massage when they're kneading
― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 3 March 2016 01:14 (eight years ago) link
reading that thread
― mookieproof, Thursday, 3 March 2016 03:32 (eight years ago) link
a vape pen that looks like a regular size bahn mi
― contenderizer, Thursday, 3 March 2016 15:52 (eight years ago) link
anyone have a vape pen I could borrow, I think I can make a photo of this idea happen
― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 3 March 2016 15:53 (eight years ago) link
btw, the eye transplant movie, which I am still thinking about, would obviously have an entire soundtrack of "eye" related songs
Eyes Without a FacePrivate EyesSmoke Gets In Your EyesStar EyesIn Your Eyesetc.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:29 (eight years ago) link
Karl, I was just going to congratulate you on your romantic comedy and then I pretty much literally died @ this.
― Karl Malone, Wednesday, March 2, 2016 6:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Telephone Meatballs (Old Lunch), Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:34 (eight years ago) link
thanks! i asked my agent to shop it around but i'm not having much luck yet. second draft adds this crucial ending: the camera zooms out, and it turns out the entire movie took place in another eyeball (teasing the sequel)
― Karl Malone, Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:37 (eight years ago) link
You also need to have scenes where they watch other films about eyes - so (as in man alive's post) Eyes Without a Face, The Eye (also about an eye transplant but a horror not a romcom so I think you're fine here), the Eyes of Laura Mars...
― emil.y, Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:44 (eight years ago) link
Oh god, thinking about romcom versions of horrors has given me the terrible idea of a romcom version of the Human Centipede - it's the ULTIMATE love triangle.
― emil.y, Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:46 (eight years ago) link
As far as Human Centipede-related terrible ideas are concerned, I tweeted eleven years ago or whatever that it seemed to me the logical conclusion of the series would be Human Ouroboros.
― Telephone Meatballs (Old Lunch), Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:49 (eight years ago) link
Ha, yes. Have they not done that yet? (I still haven't watched any of them, because, as I always say, I love the idea so much the actual film will definitely be a disappointment to me.)
― emil.y, Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:52 (eight years ago) link
a romcom version of the Human Centipede - it's the ULTIMATE love triangle.
looooooool
― Karl Malone, Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:53 (eight years ago) link
imaginary films are better than most real films imo
especially because they all feature kirk douglas
― Karl Malone, Thursday, 3 March 2016 17:54 (eight years ago) link
I posted way upthread about a sort of rom-com/lifetime tv movie concept H and I came up with about a young gay deaf mute living in minneapolis, his middle-aged therapist, and her angry teenaged daughter. We had scenes worked out, little bits of dialogue, etc. It was sort of an exercise in cracking each up by trying to be as subtly bathetic as possible.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 3 March 2016 19:38 (eight years ago) link
Velodrone - an autonomous quadcopter drone that follows you around when you're riding your bicycle.
― bored at work (snoball), Thursday, 3 March 2016 20:50 (eight years ago) link
breakfast pastries you heat by carrying them around in your armpits
― leet gentlemen's club (contenderizer), Thursday, 3 March 2016 21:07 (eight years ago) link
especially because they all feature kirk douglas― Karl Malone, Thursday, March 3, 2016 9:54 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Karl Malone, Thursday, March 3, 2016 9:54 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
upon reading this, I convinced myself that I've been saying 'Kurt Douglas' my whole life, and I was struck with horror and embarrassment. but that can't be true.
― Toof Seteltha (Sufjan Grafton), Friday, 4 March 2016 04:16 (eight years ago) link
Rebranding a small section of Ridgewood Queens as "ADOBO" (Area Down Over By Onderdonk)
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 8 March 2016 22:20 (eight years ago) link
hahaha
― van damme death warrant (Doctor Casino), Wednesday, 9 March 2016 05:15 (eight years ago) link
Presidential elections conducted by best 4 out of 7 handslaps contests
― Neanderthal, Wednesday, 9 March 2016 05:27 (eight years ago) link
mushtard
a fusion of mushrooms and mustard because I like both with a steak
(I considered and rejected mustrooms)
― onimo, Wednesday, 9 March 2016 14:56 (eight years ago) link
The Name of this Band is Talking Heads vs. Stop Making Sense poll
― Toof Seteltha (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 March 2016 16:54 (eight years ago) link
Probably already done but... A band called Golf Sale
― koogs, Saturday, 12 March 2016 18:30 (eight years ago) link
Jay-Z With Strings
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 14 March 2016 20:29 (eight years ago) link
a group that is nearly identical to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, except it's decoupled from the United Nations and the finalization of their work requires consent from only 95% of member countries instead of 100%
― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 23 March 2016 13:18 (eight years ago) link
also an golden oldie but since i haven't memorialized it here,
reverse birthdays - on your birthday you give other people gifts. that way you never have to worry about remembering anyone else's birthday, and also throughout the year you receive reverse birthday gifts from your friends rather than consolidating the whole thing into one day, and also it transforms the day into a celebration of your friends and family rather than a celebration of a single person
― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 23 March 2016 13:21 (eight years ago) link