Craigslist hilarity

haha didn't Saul (Bob Odenkirk) recount doing this to a roomful of elderly bingo players?

Must be an Illinois pastime...?

recount the STORY to a roomful etc.

A whole run of old people, that would be quite a feat

man, this puts mailbox baseball into perspective

ROOM argh fuck $%GB)!

fyi Hadrian I have been sitting here watching your posts with escalating and complimentary senses of glee and horror

I think I need a chaperone

But for real is there a Chicagoan in the house who can elucidate?

Chitcago

haha didn't Saul (Bob Odenkirk) recount doing this to a roomful of elderly bingo players?

Must be an Illinois pastime...?

― Hadrian VIII, Thursday, February 4, 2016 6:18 PM (Yesterday)

A Chicago Sunroof!

"Obviously I have a large degree of humility when writing this"

xpost lol that's right

The Chicago Sunroof is something children do, not adults.

"For I have kept a sample of the shit" is poetry of a type I think

I'm sure that in his wildest, best-case-scenario dreams the person who sunroofed this guy never imagined he would end up actually carrying around a sample of his shit.

I just don't understand all the dude's talk about lack of pee. Does he somehow think people always also pee when they shit?

No piss, Sherlock!

I was on a date with a girl, one who was very conservative. It was our third date and when we walked out, sure enough we saw that someone had taken a very large shit on my windshield comprised of two sizable logs and smaller ball which rolled down to my wipers.

"sure enough"? Was he expecting this?

Also, why does think a more liberal woman would have been totes cool with walking out to a shit-covered Tesla?

i was ready to compose a super sincere and sympathetic and detailed "i was there, sir, and here is my story" response but i see it was deleted.

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/ele/5426445858.html

I am selling an entire set of ghost hunting - paranormal investigation equipment. Everything included is enough equipment for an entire team. All equipment included is like new and only used twice!

Everything included:

-Q-See 8 channel H.264 DVR (Eagle Eye iPhone compatible) with remote control, mouse, and 8 Q-See IR cameras - 4 of the 8 cameras have been fitted with external microphones and the DVR has 4 audio inputs. $700.00 value

-2 hard body carrying cases for the DVR and Cameras. $200.00 value

-Samsung 20 inch B2030 monitor and hard body carrying case. Monitor value: $40.00 Hard Case Value: $100.00

-10 bundles of video cord and 4 bundles of audio cord, with carrying duffle bag; and 3 large spools of video cords. $300.00 value

-8 adjustable tripods for all of the IR Cameras and carrying duffle bag. $125.00 value

-Sony Hard Disk Drive "Night Shot" Handy Cam DCR-SR42 with an additional external Sony IR light attachment. Carrying case, chargers, additional battery, and tripod included. $150.00 value

- 3 Olympus VN-8100 pc Digital Voice Recorders and 3 additional Sony external microphones. Recorders: $75.00 value External Mic's: $75.00 value

-K-II EMF Meter. $25.00 value

-8 USB Thumb Drives for downloading of each camera recordings. $100.00 value

-Laser Light with 4 interchangeable pattern heads. $25.00 value

Total current value of everything included is $1,915.00.

Selling entire bundle for only $1,200.00!

I imagine the guy walking out with his date and seeing the shit on his car and saying, out loud, in a knowing tone, "SURE ENOUGH...!"

http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/zip/5437973533.html

FREE Dreadlocks (La Jolla/UCSD/UTC)

Free dreadlocks in a bag. Long dreads from a white guy. Use them for crafting, making a wig, weaving, modern art, or whatever you want them for.

uh

or whatever you want them for.

D:

If Contacts: I will tell you the name of the movie. I just can't list it on Craigslist because I don't know the legality of me listing a movie that I want to rip. Preferably someone close by to Burlington Township. I don't want someone driving 40-50 miles to help me out. I appreciate anyone that wants to help but I don't want to feel bad that you would have to spend $$$ to get to me.

If anyone could be kind of enough to be able to drive to my house and bring their laserdisc player with them and allow for me to rip a rare movie I'd be grateful. You can have a copy of the movie after I rip it but I do ask that you don't upload it online. Not only is that illegal but lets have a little respect for those that collect laserdiscs. Someone screwed me out of a laserdisc player I paid online and refused to ship it after I bought it. Ebay lets sellers treat buyers like shit. I have no money so I can only compensate by food and drinks plus a rip of this laserdisc movie. You can chill at my house while it rips the movie. The movie only about an hour and half long. The ripping software I use is Elgato standard edition. I am pretty sure this rips laserdiscs since laserdisc players use the same cords as vhs players I believe. Thanks again and hopefully I run into luck with someone willing to help me out. I have healthy food in my house because I'm a fitness nut and I also have unhealthy food in my house. For legal purposes I won't list the movies name on here because I don't want to get sued. I just want to be able to watch the movie in good quality. I know that laserdisc quality is superior to vhs. There's certain movies that have only been released for laserdisc and vhs. These movies most likely won't ever get a dvd or bluray release.

aahahahahaha wow

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
I guess he won a different auction for a laserdisc player since someone in the same town is selling one along with copies of "The Kindred" and "The Perfect Victims"

<3

We are looking for someone to identify what food is on people's plates by looking at their pictures. This job can be done at home from your computer.

For example, for the burrito picture above, we'd expect you recognize that it contains a tortilla, eggs, beans, bell peppers, salt, and pepper; and then estimate how much of each ingredient is there.

Again, hourly rate depends on how efficient you are at recognizing food and its ingredients, so $10/hr is not guaranteed, but should be easy to surpass and make more if you're into food

I am disappointed that that second paragraph didn't read "For example, for the burrito picture above, we'd expect you recognize that it is a burrito."

I am wondering if that's an awesome parody -- sites like hacker news had a recent post about some startup that does so with "image recognition"

shamefully admitting I looked at hacker news

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/fuo/5792113588.html

This dresser has served me well for years but my partner haaaaaates it, and it's time for me and the dresser to part ways. It's in fair condition -- works fine as a dresser, but has some cosmetic stains (stains all pictured). It's kinda nuts looking, but perfect if this is your style.

I asked some friends if they wanted the dresser and they described the style of it as:

"this looks like a dresser auctioned off after michael jackson died"
"this looks like where cake boss keeps his strap ons"
"this looks like a dresser that would belong to a character from the board game Candy Land"
"this looks like a dresser an orthodontist designed after visiting Monticello"
"'this is a tasteful and good piece of furniture' - Jon Taffer"
"this looks like the place a widow stored the last piece of cake from her wedding"
"this looks like a dresser Uday Hussein bought for his freshman dorm"
"this looks like set dressing the Gideons use to practice hiding bibles"
"this looks like a dresser a corrupt government administrator would buy on Overstock.sy"
"this looks like the place where you photograph your everyday carry knives"
"this looks like what you bought after you didn't make marching band"
"Every drawer you open on this dresser reveals another row of Precious Moments™ figurines lying in their own coffins."
"this looks like steve jobs' yacht"
"this looks like the place where your wrote your first letter to ralph nader"
"When you go into the store and ask the clerk if there's any furniture that repels having sex on top of it."
"I'd pick it up, but I'm not sure it's cool with the ghost trapped inside it of the girl who brushed her hair in front of it every night repeating, 'They'll see, one day I'm going to be a star.'"
"this looks like it has "katy perry loves jesus christ" carved on the top"
"It turns out all the drawers are a false-front, and one of the Babysitters Club was sex trafficked in this."
"this looks like fred phelps' craft station"
"Shailene Woodley eats a part of a dresser just like this every day for the cellulose."
"this looks like two of the ovens betsy ross committed suicide in"
"i didn't know the zach brown band furniture line was already out"

[They are not my friends anymore.]

DIMENSIONS:
52"W x 18"D x 30"H

PROs:
- All 6 drawers work.
- Made from some sort of solid material, not particle board.
- Cool weird handles

CONs:
- Top has some drips on the top from a home eyebrow waxing kit (pictured). You can probably scrape it off with a little nail polish remover and a scraper; I was too lazy to bother.
- Is permanently slightly dirty looking. If you're feeling generous, you could call this "distressed"; it's just sort of how it looks. Like, it's never going to be gleaming while.

TO GET THIS COOL DRESSER:
You will need your own transportation, and help getting it out of my apartment. It's on the 3rd floor of a building (2 flights of stairs). The drawers come out, which means it'll be less heavy to carry. I can help you carry it, but it's a 2 person job.

when yelpers discover craigslist

I'm looking for local performers to make a profit off of my collection habit. I want to collect your broken drum sticks, worn out sneakers, broken guitar strings, and crumpled set lists. In the off chance you become famous in the long run, they could accrue value. If you don't become famous, it was a bad investment on my part and it's my loss. Simple prices I'll pay:

Broken sticks: $3 ea.
Broken strings: $3 ea.
Old set lists: $10 ea.
Old sneakers/footwear worn for shows: $40-$80 per pair.

This is a serious offer. You can stash your items and sell them to me over time, using me as a source of income. Please email me if you and your band are interested.

What a coincidence, I know many performers looking for local lunatics to make a profit off of.

I feel like "old footwear" might be a red flag...

now that you mention it the "band memorabilia" stuff does seem like a smokescreen for the shoe thing

haha yeah totally. "oh you know, the usual - one dollar for guitar picks, twenty-five cents for cigarette stubs, twenty dollars for underwear worn at the show, one dollar for setlists..."

Young hipster couple looking for girl to live on weed farm with us (Grants pass)

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2017/01/12/56-year-old-divorced-man-will-take-coachella-meet-20-creepy-demands/#.WHkE7flF8qg.facebook

Having a tough time believing this isn't fake.

it's fake

I am speechless......

I'm getting a Death Grips vibe from the out of focus pink thing in the foreground of pic 1.
Best car of all time, obviously.

http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/0/05/TheHomer.png

I wonder what the horn sounds like?

oh lord the phone

I wonder what the horn sounds like?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLXQgcx8qTI

THE PHONE