Fear of death.

"attachments are bullshit"
- buddha marley

so i dunno about you Fizzles, but i get by thru a little avoidance, a little forgetting, and a little getting better at recognizing the moods and moments that will trigger the big waves of fear

yep this. want to stress I'm not paralysed by fear regularly, just every now and then, and it's more a point of curiosity or interest than anything else. I'm not a particularly morbid person - it's more a larkinesque domestic version of the void that hapoens at night, or something akin to vertigo. but obv not enormously pleasant while it's happening.

"attachments are bullshit"
- buddha marley

― lute bro (brimstead), Sunday, January 31, 2016 3:49 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Sometimes I feel like as I age I know less rather than more, but this is one thing I have learned with age is surely not true.

phbbt speak for yourself

amateurist wrote upthread:

so how does consciousness deal with the timelessness of death? does it create an artificial sensation on a sort of "loop," that is experienced as if eternal? does the last moment of experience resonate eternally?

^^this is my biggest fear re: death, i suppose.

i'm not a very ambitious fellow, i don't experience #FOMO. but i'm worried that at some point a switch will flip and i'll be like "OH SHIT WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS AND THIS AND THIS WHILE I WAS YOUNG, I COULD HAVE GONE SO MUCH FURTHER"

man alive's last post has been haunting me, lol.

i suspect timelessness is v different from an infinite loop of some of temporality or another

If our consciousness had the luxury of existing after death, only then would the idea of eternity be frightening to me. Instead I terrify and confuse myself as I attempt to process what it means to not have any layer of thought left to reflect on any version of my existence.

some nights this shit stops me from sleeping. then I just put on another episode of the Simpsons.

seems like a wise enough response, unless fear of death is something of a recurrent problem for you. in which case it wouldn't kill you to sit with it a bit and see what turns up. it's the universe's favorite koan.

It's a good laxative.

Also good perspective for when something non-lethal is befalling you. "Least I'm not fucking dying".

Other than that I'm not a fan.

i get by thru a little avoidance, a little forgetting, and a little getting better at recognizing the moods and moments that will trigger the big waves of fear that (used to) swallow me so fast and whole that i wanted to jump out of bed and run round the house and into the street and keep running until i passed out.

^^^ thanks to NV for writing this, especially the bit about 'moods and moments'. I really only get fear of death when I'm tired and/or stressed out over something that I can't do anything about. All the thousands of ways I can't do what I want - that are nebulous and myriad and impossible to consciously keep track of much less do anything about - get solidified into a fear of death, which is at least something concrete and can be reacted to (even if the reaction is fear).