Not completely ISA, but jfc @ all Lapka product videos (will not link to the ad pairing Satie with completely lunatic nonsense pseudo-jony-ive voiceover and slow motion gadget porn visuals of overpriced radiation sensors for humanitarian reasons)...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdH-qN40eYE
(still not entirely sure the whole thing is not a parody)
― the european nikon is here (grauschleier), Saturday, 16 January 2016 09:57 (eight years ago) link
jfc no way
― i have measured out my life in Goffey, Coombes (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 16 January 2016 12:18 (eight years ago) link
http://www.wired.com/reviews/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/130304_lapka_0044-660x440.jpg
― tpp, Saturday, 16 January 2016 14:07 (eight years ago) link
does it detect bovine levels of stupidity?
― i have measured out my life in Goffey, Coombes (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 16 January 2016 14:15 (eight years ago) link
https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/12552729_10153900850041204_7840352625589329314_n.jpg?oh=e014e4d9432bcf056fdd3bab2a298b33&oe=572F3F59
innocent We estimate that at least 46% of people in the UK are currently unaware of what penguins are. Change your profile picture to the below image, and do a vital public service in helping your friends and loved ones become more aware of penguins.Like · Reply · 104 · 9 hrs
Like · Reply · 104 · 9 hrs
― Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 20 January 2016 18:49 (eight years ago) link
went to an odeon cinema for the first time in an age and the cute, matey announcements were v much of this thread. this tone is spreading
― ogmor, Thursday, 21 January 2016 12:58 (eight years ago) link
http://i68.tinypic.com/k4jo9l.png
― ilxors ananimus (onimo), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 12:39 (eight years ago) link
Once went into this bar in Glasgow for food and had to run away again before I sought out the person who wrote the menu and gave them an ickle punch in their oochy-coochy wee face:
http://www.thebutterflyandthepig.com/menu/
― ailsa, Tuesday, 26 January 2016 14:00 (eight years ago) link
lock thread
― kinder, Tuesday, 26 January 2016 19:11 (eight years ago) link
4 whole pounds and 25 pee for all our soup and bread too
mmmm, pee
― Number None, Tuesday, 26 January 2016 19:12 (eight years ago) link
lol they actually do that Simpsons bit later on
― Number None, Tuesday, 26 January 2016 19:14 (eight years ago) link
Hotmail, specifically when I go to the Drafts folder and it's empty. Then there's this message:
There are no messagesin the Drafts folder :-)
It's the smiley that does it. What if I did have Drafts in the Drafts folder and you've gone and lost them, Microsoft?
― bored at work (snoball), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 21:36 (eight years ago) link
Google does this when you clear the spam folder
Hooray, no spam here!
― ilxors ananimus (onimo), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 21:44 (eight years ago) link
Congratulations! You've won the game!
Don't patronise me, Spider Solitaire on Easy difficulty.
― bored at work (snoball), Tuesday, 26 January 2016 22:05 (eight years ago) link
I certainly do NOT want to eat "billy goat's cheese", thanks. That would be disgusting, and is possibly illegal.
― trishyb, Wednesday, 27 January 2016 08:50 (eight years ago) link
on the way home tonight i got accosted by a chugger as i came out of my local Tesco Express. i do not live in a swanky area, feel like this was a major escalation of hostilities
― Chikan wa akan de. Zettai akan de. (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 20:23 (eight years ago) link
on my way home tonight i drank an innocent smoothie, setting in train some complex karmatic play
― ZESTY O'PRIDE (imago), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 20:26 (eight years ago) link
I am dying with laughter at "billy goat's cheese"
― its subtle brume (DJP), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 20:37 (eight years ago) link
Fish & chipsTittys traditional fish and chips, battered to death haddock wi’ mushy peas (all veggies beware they have nasty ham through the peees) and a slice of lemon. (Please be careful there may be one or two bones in the fish they had to move about you know)
Tittys traditional fish and chips, battered to death haddock wi’ mushy peas (all veggies beware they have nasty ham through the peees) and a slice of lemon. (Please be careful there may be one or two bones in the fish they had to move about you know)
I am going to assume "Tittys" means something different in Glasgow; besides there's more than enough in the rest of the entry for me to roll my eyes at
― its subtle brume (DJP), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 20:41 (eight years ago) link
pretty sure that menu is some teaser marketing for the next Belle and Sebastian album
― Chikan wa akan de. Zettai akan de. (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 21:02 (eight years ago) link
Titty's means the same in Glasgow and I have never heard this name or nickname before.
― pastoral fantasy (jed_), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 23:45 (eight years ago) link
Haha ah man, I worked there for a year. The menu related bantz you'd have with the customers. Great days...
― ewar woowar (or something), Wednesday, 3 February 2016 00:48 (eight years ago) link
Not ISA, but deeply fucking irritating nonetheless.
IN 2016BRING ME THE HORIZONWILL TOUR THE UNITED KINGDOM.THIS IS NOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT.THIS IS A WARNING.
― bored at work (snoball), Monday, 8 February 2016 19:44 (eight years ago) link
Just came here to post what I see onimo mentioned 3 years ago about flickr and its 'herding pandas' schtick. Painful.
― NWOFHM! Overlord (krakow), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 10:12 (eight years ago) link
Boomf and their revoltingly twee marketing and aesthetic basically is this thread personified.
― Pheeel, Wednesday, 2 March 2016 10:37 (eight years ago) link
they also belong on one of the threads about charging idiots insane prices for tat over the internet
― Szechuan TV (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 17:43 (eight years ago) link
These videos: https://spc.gc.epsilon.com/optout/OptOut.aspx
― Pataphysician, Wednesday, 30 March 2016 13:12 (eight years ago) link
opening sentence of a press release waiting for me at work this morning
Epic Awards 2016 ceremony took place at Cardiff Castle last night and crowned Pimp My Uke as Epic Awards 2016 winners for Wales and Black History Month as the runner up.
― reader, if you love him so much why don't you marry him? (DJ Mencap), Monday, 4 April 2016 09:10 (eight years ago) link
curse you and your whimsical web designing http://oneltd.co.uk/
― Gaz upon my works ye mighty, and despair (Neil S), Monday, 4 April 2016 10:29 (eight years ago) link
http://www.buzzfeed.com/scottybryan/do-you-want-to-take-this-outside#.vfdw8w5nL
― Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 11 April 2016 09:38 (eight years ago) link
Behind the curtain
http://digiday.com/brands/burger-king-community-manager-job/
― Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 11 April 2016 09:40 (eight years ago) link
That old password thing, eh? Don't worry, happens to the best of us. Just click on this link and we'll sort it out for you.
― a goon shaped fule (onimo), Wednesday, 15 June 2016 16:38 (seven years ago) link
Cheers old chum!
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 June 2016 21:45 (seven years ago) link
https://webappstatic.buzzfeed.com/static/2015-11/17/9/campaign_images/webdr01/get-the-buzzfeed-android-app-for-free-2-27075-1447769437-5_big.jpg
― Never changed username before (cardamon), Friday, 17 June 2016 01:02 (seven years ago) link
with bonus 'cheeky' contravention of the Google Play logo guidelines
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, 17 June 2016 09:20 (seven years ago) link
been seeing these ads around for a while and i think the winking acknowledgment of dead-eyed grasping corporate greed is somehow even worse than the innocent smoothies aesthetic
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ckfk4ZQXIAAMANo.jpg
― an alternate version of his real world dog (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 20 June 2016 13:28 (seven years ago) link
#refreshingstuff
― ghosts that don't exist (Neil S), Monday, 20 June 2016 14:19 (seven years ago) link
does anyone choose to drink oasis?
― conrad, Monday, 20 June 2016 14:21 (seven years ago) link
i (not so secretly any more) thought that was quite an amusing poster. not sure it would convince me to buy Oasis, but still
― TARANTINO! (dog latin), Monday, 20 June 2016 14:36 (seven years ago) link
You know that nice story about the woman who tweeted she was in love with the man who ran the Oxford St Waterstones Twitter account and ended up marrying him?
Jonathan has stopped being a bookseller and become a social media writer for Innocent drinks.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2016/jul/19/twitter-love-story-wedding-waterstones-full-story
― Alba, Tuesday, 19 July 2016 18:16 (seven years ago) link
I used to know that guy, this whole story is bizarre
― ogmor, Tuesday, 19 July 2016 18:42 (seven years ago) link
don't find the story that bizarre. thought it was sort of cute, although guy's patter sounds terrible and completely suited to a job as social media writer for innocent
― ♫ Corbyn's on fire / PLP is terrified ♫ (jim in glasgow), Tuesday, 19 July 2016 18:46 (seven years ago) link
his move from being a teenager making dead baby jokes to writing this stuff is definitely a meaty topic though
― ogmor, Tuesday, 19 July 2016 18:46 (seven years ago) link
haha
― ♫ Corbyn's on fire / PLP is terrified ♫ (jim in glasgow), Tuesday, 19 July 2016 18:47 (seven years ago) link
so adorable, i hope he's got a ukelele
― PLPeni (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 19 July 2016 19:07 (seven years ago) link
from innocent's facebook page and custom-designed to infuriate ilxors
innocent11 August 2016 at 18:00 · We’ve written a list of Jay-Z’s 99 problems:
1. Getting soufflé to rise 2. Finding a reliable plumber 3. Getting the smell of oranges off his hands4. Transitioning to internet banking5. When to use 'affect' and 'effect'6. Long division7. Not understanding 3D printing8. Global warming 9. Gluten intolerance 10. Parallel parking 11. Poaching eggs 12. Remembering that Sydney isn't the capital of Australia 13. The plight of the red squirrel 14. Not being able to go outside to play Pokemon Go without being mobbed by paparazzi 15. Tidal16. Exma 17. How to spell ‘Eczema’18. The rising cost of stamps 19. Seeded grapes 20. Bedroom tax 21. The pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre 22. Trying not to snack between meals 23. Not being able to find the end of the Sellotape 24. Finding half sizes for shoes 25. Understanding the economic and socio-political implications of Brexit 26. Hiccups 27. Cryptic crosswords28. Whether to make the switch from DVD to Blu-ray 29. Unexpected item in the bagging area 30. The objectification of women in mainstream media 31. Hayfever32. Pins and needles 33. Wanting to order a cocktail but being embarrassed by its gratuitously sexual name 34. Underripe avocados 35. Overripe avocados 36. His obsession with perfectly ripe avocados 37. Feeling sleepy after lunch 38. When to use the Oxford comma 39. Daddy longlegs 40. Really wanting a dog but knowing that his current lifestyle isn’t compatible with dog ownership 41. Shin splints 42. Rail replacement bus services 43. The meaning of life 44. Not enjoying eating yoghurt as much as the women in the adverts 45. The hole in the ozone layer 46. Not being able to trust contactless card payments 47. Fixed versus variable rate mortgages 48. Is H ‘ayche’ or ‘hayche’? 49. The Milton Keynes grid system 50. Recurring nightmare where he is late for an exam he hasn’t revised for51. Wasps52. The western world’s over-reliance on fossil fuels 53. Crumbs in the bed 54. Only remembering the names of 4 of Henry VIII's wives 55. Forgetting to put the bins out 56. Ladle - bowl on a stick, or just a big spoon?57. Needing the loo in the middle of the night 58. The declining bee population 59. Two day hangovers 60. Wondering whether Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift’s relationship is real or not. 61. Solange62. Stress-induced twitchy eye 63. Not enjoying 'Breaking Bad' as much as everyone else 64. Calls from unknown numbers 65. Burnt toast 66. Being endorsed for skills he doesn't really have by people he doesn't really know on LinkedIn 67. Still wanting to call Emojis emoticons 68. Foot cramp 69. People making immature jokes about the number 6970. Accidentally ‘replying all’71. How much water to cook rice with 72. Mosquitoes at dusk 73. Kanye74. Finding a Natwest card reader 75. People who respond ‘maybe’ to Facebook event invites 76. The middle three Star Wars films 77. Tickly cough 78. The increasing gap between rich and poor 79. Clammy hands 80. People putting milk back in the fridge when there's only a tiny bit left 81. Not knowing what his local council does and doesn’t recycle 82. Whether it makes fiscal sense to buy an annual travelcard 83. Opening the dishwasher before it's done 84. Insufficient legroom at the theatre 85. Sunday traffic 86. Feeling quite indifferent to Marmite 87. Having to split the bill evenly after a group meal despite only drinking water and Nigel having four Daiquiris 88. How to pronounce ‘scone’ 89. Worrying that he doesn’t suit hats 90. The Edinburgh tram debacle 91. Having the door held open for him from far away, so he’s forced into an awkward sort of jog walk 92. Ambiguous toilet door signs in restaurants 93. Understanding the politics of the Middle East 94. Sinusitis 95. At the end of Lady and The Tramp, 3 of their puppies look like Lady, and 1 looks like Tramp. But in real life, they’d be cross-breeds 96. Washing his trousers with a tissue in the pocket 97. Meaning to buy tuna in spring water but accidentally buying it in brine 98. Lemonade99. Realising, once he started writing them all down in list form, just how many problems he has.
― DORNALDO TROOMPS for PRESIDETN (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 1 August 2016 16:11 (seven years ago) link
it's gentle racism, the most delightful kind
― the Zenga bus is coming (Noodle Vague), Monday, 1 August 2016 17:21 (seven years ago) link
That belongs on about 9 scornful repost threads
― imago, Monday, 1 August 2016 17:25 (seven years ago) link
It keeps the meme very much alive for starters
― imago, Monday, 1 August 2016 17:26 (seven years ago) link
reposted on fb by a friend who also stans for postmodern jukebox and the hackney colliery band, who also feel like they belong on about 9 scornful repost threads including this one
― pokemon go speed run (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 1 August 2016 17:32 (seven years ago) link