how much thought do you waste "controlling 'yourself'"

This thread title gets at what I find hard about my job and have trouble expressing about it, that it requires me to constantly corral myself into keeping track of the dozens of different small to medium sized tasks that come up with no particular order or regularity or schedule, so I am constantly expending energy just to get myself to keep on top of them.

It's like being Catholic but without the communion wine

there's no communion wine in catholicism - think you may be confusing it with old men molesting children.

I am super bad at e.g. reining in the impulse to read the internet when I ought to be working, doing housework, anything other than reading the internet

i get this for sure - i have been trying to write fiction and drama stuff for the last few years and doing some little bit, but it haunts my every other activity. i spoke to my counsellor about watching a movie and spending the entire thing feeling nagged by myself about the fact i wasn't writing. this was during a long writer's block. weirdly, as soon as i acknowledged i was doing this, and decided i was going to just watch a movie every night for a week, and not nag myself - after like two days and two movies i wandered into my room and wrote.

so i sort of want to say i learned to go with an impulse - but i also know if i went with all my impulses i would just slide into total entropy of drinking, eating badly, doing nothing and neglecting to do things which i know lead me to be happier.

i guess maybe it's a case of not being too hard on yourself - it doesn't seem worthwhile in any way.

This time of year there's also a lot of control effort wrt all the sweets that vendors send to the office. I'm not good at that. I just ate a terrible cupcake that said "From the Jared Simon Group" on the icing. And some caramel corn from some sort of data service provider.

always trying to improve the quality of the impulses I immediately indulge

I'm at work right now. While here I probably spend more time willing my self to evaporate completely, rather than spending any energy controlling the remnants of whatever's left.

flappy bird

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