the bizarre poetry of spam emails

"Kittens and cats Flaming for you to "Crazy Train" by simply Ozzy Osbourne Will be the Merely Catharsis You will require Right now!"

Quite the opening!

Russian Women Are Sexy As Hell!
Will you ask her out on a date?

Perfectly Natural Trick To Obtain A Flat Belly Without A Gym ...
You just need to exclude on single product from you diet

"I am Camryn Baker from Global Online Tradding Company"

Hey my dear,

How are you and your family? I believe everything is good around you! It’s nice having your address with the aid of my new search device. I'm just looking for better friendship and pen pals both women and men to share interest and lot more with. I love discussing all issues and learning other people's cultures and languages; and i just want to have a lot of good and lasting friends outside my country. You know that friends’re like clothing, and life is naked without one!

I’m Elizabeth by name. I’m an American and reside here in New York. I'm working with a non-governmental organization that advocates for the rights of immigrants.

My city, "Yonkers", is such a wonderful place to behold! How about yours?

I want to present myself from the best side! I am romantic and emotional, I expect all the good and interesting from my future and I am sure that I can create the future myself! You will get from life what you invest in it. I have my pure soul, kind heart and friendly character, so I hope to get just good things instead!

I like making friends across all divides, and I will be happy to have you as a very good friend from a different environment and cultural background. I like discussing everything, and traveling is part of me (my dream is to traverse the globe someday)

I strongly believe on friendship, and never missed making one whenever opportunities occur like this. I believe that friendship is part and parcel of one’s life; Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. While money may make one wealthy, friends make one rich.

Hey, I can’t afford to hear you say “nope” to my request please! I will just cross my fingers and wait for your lovely response, and will be happy if you include more about yourself when replying.

I will be expecting your quick response.
Liz

What do you want from me, Liz? What do you want?

of course you reside there, in new york, "elizabeth by name". of course. how very american of you. i too have beheld the wonderful "yonkers". my city is a wonderful residence too!

You had me at hey

Give it away now 900cash to Mr Scott H. Florance [personal details] With your support iIl,be taking the bus to East Coast! Give cute Squarel a warm hut at base of tree w/3 thick blankets=Cut a hole at bottem of door so he stays warm not cold, people who love animals with compasion-kindness get $paid (I beg of you!)

Hello,

Each species of grasshopper has its own song. This is important, as the varied species cannot breed with each other. The female needs to be aware that she is listening to a male from her own species. Compass termites of Northern Australia build tall nests that are wedge-shaped. They measure up to 3.5 m in length. Flying frogs change color in the day. They are greenish-blue in sunlight and green in the evening. At night there are black. Boas, as well as many other snakes have special heat-sensitive organs that are called pits. These pits are on their heads. They can detect the heat given by a warm-blooded animal standing close to them. Anteaters protect their long claws by walking on their knuckles. This makes them look as if they are limping. The hippopotamus’s skin is protected by its own pink oily secretion known as ‘Pink sweat’.

jason✧✧✧@PROVOGUE✧✧✧.I✧✧✧
1030 White Hawk Road
Herman, MN 56248
320-677-2691

If you do not wish to receive further emails from our company please reply to the same mail keeping the subject "unsubscribe"

This is actually better than my own ILX Poetry Thread entry:

Did 2012 Smell For You Personally, Too?

Hey,

Why put up with having less?
That's what I had been asking myself when I clicked a link
on an e-mail much like the one which you are reading.

The email said supplementing my earnings would be easy as pie.
I want to tell you, pie has elaborate cooking instructions--
one fault plus it all seems incorrect.

This technique is easier than pie.
(Or maybe I'm only a godawful baker.)
You be the judge.

Check it out ASAP

that is amazing

https://d17oy1vhnax1f7.cloudfront.net/items/0B3u0X2x0O3k293e3r0D/jesus-lost-words.jpg

I was just coming here to post "this boner brew makes you a better screw", it's making the rounds!

lol i just posted it to... another place as well

Hi,

Driving for a long time, it was the same scenery outside the window, why not watching a movie or listen to music to relax ?
Now we are push out new design of Car active headrest dvd player, there is remote control and IR earphone, you can watching movie and listen to music or playing game, bring more funny with your journey.

Hope it met for your market and if any other questions pls connect me, we can talk more and establish good cooperation and being win-win.

You prompt reply we would be greatly appreciated!



Thanks & Best Regards
Tina P

CARMAXER INTERNATIONAL (HONGKONG) GROUP LIMITED

Cannabis
Cantabis
TeamCannabis
TeamKush
It's called Cannabis not Cantabis, the sky is the limit so why not fly?
TeamCannabis TeamKush

om shanti shanti

LISA LISA: Remove your website Negative Reviews From Google
Sam Jams: Remove your website Negative Reviews From Google

From: steveng [mailto:stev✧✧✧@14z✧✧✧.p✧]
Sent: Wednesday, April 16, 2014 7:13 PM
To: Steven G******* <*********@********.***>
Subject: Hi there steveng

Elvet Bridge is now largely pedestrianised. June 3, 1894, p. I cannot betray that trust.

London: Born Before 1969? Funeral & Cremation Mistakes

Erotic topics for adults: 🔞 I want to see you jerk off...

👄Kerol👄 (iujflkoh✧✧✧@-yahoo-258✧✧✧.apps✧✧✧.c✧✧)

Semen Lover: (online)

IT REALLY GETS ME HORNY WHEN A MAN'S HAND MOVES FAST BACK AND FORTH ALONG HIS DICK. MY PUSSY GETS WET RIGHT AWAY. AND I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT. I LIKE TO SEE WHITE SEMEN COME OUT.

What Turns Me On

I'M STARTING TO THINK I'M GONNA HAVE A LONG SILICONE DICK IN MY ASS. IMAGINE FUCKING ME WITH TWO DICKS AT ONCE. OR YOU COULD ADD ANOTHER DILDO. AND THERE WILL BE TWO COCKS IN THE PUSSY AND ONE IN THE ASS.

My Expertise

G-spot, cunnilingus, sex toys, vibrator, nipple caresses, dancing, orgasm, squirt, blowjob, masturbation, live orgasm, oil, jerk off, erotic massage, ass to mouth

Attention! Viewing is limited: 🔞 How about an erotic rendezvous with a slender one?

🔥Janet🔥 (qlqjunjgja @ yahoo-258919.appspot.com)

Ms. Deep Throat: (online)

I'M INTERESTED IN DATING ADULTS. I DON'T NEED ENDLESS ROMANTIC ENCOUNTERS. JUST FUN, POSITIVE AND GREAT SEX! READY TO MEET ME?

What Turns Me On

FOR EXAMPLE, WE CAN ARRANGE A ROLE-PLAYING GAME AT THE BAR. I'LL BE A WHORE, AND YOU'LL BE MY POTENTIAL CLIENT. YOU WILL BUY MY BODY FOR ONE HOUR. AND WE WILL GO TO A HOTEL TO MAKE YOUR LUSTFUL DESIRES COME TRUE...

My Expertise

Orgasm, squirt, anal, butt plug, lubricant, blowjob, G-spot, cunnilingus, sex toys, masturbation, vibrator, nipple caresses, dancing, live orgasm, jerk off, deep throat blowjob, erotic massage, fisting, RPG

How about an erotic rendezvous with a slender one?

https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/tctimes.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/0e/c0e8fd66-3d40-11e6-8208-7ba297068ad7/577290a16ee74.image.jpg

^ws tbph

Add floors to your skyscraper

I am an interesting and not boring girl

I am an interesting and not boring girl, from the very childhood I have been active and cheerful. You can not get bored with me. When I get into the company, I always behave myself and bring zest to the company. In the house, I am calm, balanced and I bring comfort. I also behave with dignity in guests. I want to know the world and be happy! I like to do a lot of things, I like to learn a lot, I like many kind of sports, I am ready to try everything that does not harm my health! My profile http(etc)

hobbies: keepfit, fashion

I realize you are going through a rough time. The news isn't helping you feel any better. But I assure you, throughout history we have always been victorious. Even through the plague, influenza, the depression, wars, nuclear meltdowns, we have always prevailed. This time won't be any different I promise you.

It's cool-looking, yes, but the advantages extend beyond aesthetics. For one, spiraling makes the meat tubes cook a lot faster, which is a pretty attractive trait for something that's technically already cooked. But more importantly, it significantly boosts the hot dog's surface area. And not only is there more surface, but that surface is that much more receptive to slippery condiments like mustard or [stares daggers] ketchup.

"Dream together and have fun picturing the future. Make the conversation one of possibilities instead of thinking it's a chore," says Longo. "What we want to talk about is the purpose of the dollars, the goals—what are we saving for?"

uffgk chichicaste predischarged cytocyst
nmdpseudochemical intramuscular sprinkle enshielded

(
first bit from here
https://thetakeout.com/how-to-spiral-cut-your-hot-dogs-1833562228

middle bit from
https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2018/08/how-to-set-money-goals-with-your-spouse/
)

I crave to experience a crazy orgasm

Grace (huvosse @ domovyata.by)

Hello, honey! I really want to meet a noticeable partner! Some info about me: I am twenty one yrs, and I’m seeking for a partner. I've got a glorious pretty form which wants truly warm hands. If you really want to become the number one – have a look at me in my dating profile and write me! Additionally you shall view quite a lot of my pics. Tend not to wait! go to profile

bold of her to assume that I'm noticeable :-/

er

Hello, honey! I really want to meet a noticeable partner! Some info about me: I am twenty one yrs, and I’m seeking for a partner. I've got a glorious pretty form which wants truly warm hands. If you really want to become the number one – have a look at me in my dating profile and write me! Additionally you shall view quite a lot of my pics. Tend not to wait! go to profile

Elderly Asian Woman Was Lit On Fire In Bensonhurst, Not A Hate Crime?

What a serial robber thought was just another break in, turned out to be the most frightening thing he had ever experienced.

Police found him crippled on the living room floor, seven feet away from his gun, screaming in excruciating pain "He's not human!".

The scene was incredibly awkward, as the person he was pointing at was a little boy in Teddy Bear pajamas, no older than 10 years, surrounded by his worried parents and grandparents.

When an officer interrogated the family they said that Jimmy -the little boy- had learned a self-defense move after watching this video with his grandfather.

The two-finger trick, called the "Death Touch", was invented by a Chinese Kung Fu Master and it allows anyone, no matter their physical strength or condition, to bring down an attacker just by poking him in a vulnerable spot.

"We saw the video a couple of times and practiced a little bit. I'm shocked Jimmy almost killed an 180 pound man just by touching him...and he did it in the dark!"

She used her own hair in the soup to give it more flavor.
Wisdom is easily acquired when hiding under the bed with a saucepan on your head.
They say that dogs are man's best friend, but this cat was setting out to sabotage that theory.
She had the gift of being able to paint songs.
She wanted a pet platypus but ended up getting a duck and a ferret instead.
His son quipped that power bars were nothing more than adult candy bars.
There's an art to getting your way, and spitting olive pits across the table isn't it.
He told us a very exciting adventure story. He didn't heed the warning and it had turned out surprisingly well.
Three years later, the coffin was still full of Jello.
Dan took the deep dive down the rabbit hole.
He excelled at firing people nicely.
I ate a sock because people on the Internet told me to.
She let the balloon float up into the air with her hopes and dreams. Random words in front of other random words create a random sentence.
His confidence would have been admirable if it wasn't for his stupidity. Although it wasn't a pot of gold, Nancy was still enthralled at what she found at the end of the rainbow.
He didn’t want to go to the dentist, yet he went anyway.
It had been sixteen days since the zombies first attacked.
I caught my squirrel rustling through my gym bag.
Carol drank the blood as if she were a vampire.
I'd rather be a bird than a fish.
The tortoise jumped into the lake with dreams of becoming a sea turtle.
Just go ahead and press that button.
Jeanne wished she has chosen the red button.
The thick foliage and intertwined vines made the hike nearly impossible.
Having no hair made him look even hairier.
This is the last random sentence I will be writing and I am going to stop mid-sent
The murder hornet was disappointed by the preconceived ideas people had of him.
Mothers spend months of their lives waiting on their children.
He uses onomatopoeia as a weapon of mental destruction.
It's much more difficult to play tennis with a bowling ball than it is to bowl with a tennis ball.
He looked behind the door and didn't like what he saw.
He was sitting in a trash can with high street class.
Random words in front of other random words create a random sentence. This is a Japanese doll.
It took him a month to finish the meal.
The tart lemonade quenched her thirst, but not her longing.
The memory we used to share is no longer coherent.
Traveling became almost extinct during the pandemic.
If any cop asks you where you were, just say you were visiting Kansas.
Weather is not trivial - it's especially important when you're standing in it.

Subject: The Diabetes Lie

He was sitting in a trash can with high street class.
Random words in front of other random words create a random sentence. This is a Japanese doll.

Perfection.

from Change.org

[Content warning]: Kittens' spines snapped

Mother Poops Out 39 lbs of Pure Body Fat, Doctor is speechless

Be careful with that butter . The golden retriever loved the fireworks each Fourth of July. Thirty years later, she still thought it was okay to put the toilet paper roll under rather than over. The fish dreamed of escaping the fishbowl and into the toilet where he saw his friend go. The trick to getting kids to eat anything is to put catchup on it. She was amazed by the large chunks of ice washing up on the beach. He found the end of the rainbow and was surprised at what he found there. He kept telling himself that one day it would all somehow make sense. If eating three-egg omelets causes weight-gain, budgie eggs are a good substitute. She always had an interesting perspective on why the world must be flat. It didn't make sense unless you had the power to eat colors. She is never happy until she finds something to be unhappy about; then, she is overjoyed. Everyone was curious about the large white blimp that appeared overnight. Mary plays the piano. She says she has the ability to hear the soundtrack of your life. I would be delighted if the sea were full of cucumber juice. His son quipped that power bars were nothing more than candy bars. He was an introvert that extroverts seemed to love. The rain pelted the windshield as the darkness engulfed us. Pantyhose and heels are an interesting choice of attire for the . He liked to play with words in the bathtub. Eating eggs on Thursday for choir practice was recommended. If I don’t like something, I’ll stay away from it The Guinea fowl flies through the air with all the grace of a turtle. She wanted a pet platypus but ended up getting a duck and a instead. In hopes of finding out the truth, he entered the one-room library. Had he known what was going to happen, he would have never stepped into the shower. Gary didn't understand why Doug went upstairs to get one dollar bills when he invited him to go cow tipping. People generally approve of dogs eating cat food but not cats eating dog food. Going from child, to childish, to childlike is only a matter of time. He ran out of money, so he had to stop playing. The lyrics of the song sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard. Just go ahead and press that button. Even with the snow falling outside, she felt it appropriate to wear her bikini. I caught my squirrel rustling through my gym bag. She was too short to see over the fence. He was surprised that his immense laziness was inspirational to others. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The group quickly understood that toxic waste was the most effective barrier to use against the zombies. There were white out conditions in the town; subsequently, the roads were impassable. The door swung open to reveal giraffes and red elephants.

I got one titles something like BLONDE MILF LOVES ROUGH GANGBANG - which makes me wonder if there's ever been like a tender, loving, erotic gangbang.

xp new display names for everyone!

You’ve never seen a smarter backpack

Greetings!

I have got two not really pleasant news for you.
I have been monitoring your internet activities for some time by now.

The only person to blame in this situation is you, since you are a big fan of adult websites and also have got an uncontrollable desire to indulge yourself with another orgasm.
Simply speaking, all your porn websites search requests have become a key to access your device.
The thing is that I word in a company that provides services related to security and performance of email providers, including hotmail.com as well.

During the pandemic outbreak a lot of providers have faced difficulties in maintaining a huge number of staff in their offices and so they have decided to use outsourcing instead.
While working remotely from home, I have got unlimited abilities to access the user databases.

I can easily decrypt passwords of users, access their chat history and online traffic with help of cookie-files.
I have decided to analyse users traffic related to adult websites and adult content.
I was truly shocked to discover that nearly 75% of users regularly access porn websites or participates in sex chats.

I have filtered out the worst perverts from the list. Yeah, you are one of them. Not everyone chooses to watch such hardcore videos…
Basically, I have infected your device with one of the best Trojan viruses in the market. It was relatively easy, since I have access to your email address.
It was sufficient to prepare one of your routine emails asking you to click the harmful link…

My spyware functions as a driver. Hence, I can fully control your device and have access to your microphone, camera, cursor and set of symbols.
Generally speaking, your device is some sort of my remote PC.
Since this spyware is driver-based, then I can constantly update its signatures, so that no antivirus can detect it.
While digging through your hard drive, I have saved your entire contact list, social media access, chat history and media files.

One week ago, I have montaged a videoclip, which shows you masturbating on one side of the screen and on the other side a porn video
that you were watching at that moment of time – recently this type of exotic stuff is really popular on the internet!
Don’t worry, I will need just a few mouse clicks in order to share this video with your entire contact list and upload it to some porn website, like Bigle.
I believe that you would not like this to happen, since a long holiday season is just about to start soon –
just imagine the number of silly jokes and loud laughter that would get provoked by your video all over the neighbourhood bars and pubs…

I am offering a simple and reasonable solution:
All you need to do is transfer an amount equivalent to $1150 (USA Dollars) to my bitcoin wallet and we both forget about this silly story forever.
All your data and this video will be deleted by me once and for all. You have my honest word!
You’ve got to agree, this amount is really insignificant. Just imagine how much time and resources I have spent to get this done…
If you don’t know how to operate the cryptocurrency – you can always search for assistance online. It is that simple.

Here is my bitcoin wallet (BTC): bc1qfnx5388zl4c4hpcdsjxj0tgcn2gd8pyrljg6s6

You have exactly 2 days (48 hours) from the moment of opening this email.
I can easily track when you have opened this email (my software will notify me about it). Once you complete the transaction – I will be able to see and confirm that.
Please, do not try replying me via this email – there is no point in that (as you can see the email is sent from your address).

Remember that there is no point to complain anywhere, since I cannot be found (Bitcoin system is anonymous and I am also using I2P network in order to access your device).
I have considered all the small details.
In case, if 48 hours after you have opened this email,
I still don’t receive the required amount of money, then your videoclip will be automatically sent to all your contact list and uploaded to public websites.

Good luck and please don’t hate me too much!

This is life! You are merely out of luck this time.
Who knows, maybe next time you will get lucky at something else…

I responded with my own Tommy Wiseau-like message:

Oh hi! I cannot believe you betray me like this. You know what they say, shame on me, now shame on you. I will not pay you this money. Life is beautiful! Good luck!

-N

Good idea to get out in front of the story imo

Me say day!
Sumerian mother goddess.
Then deport her.
Gold or garbage?
Flowery design which sprung from such crucifixion.
Forbidden fear is amusing.
Ugh hair dye.
Phone Numbers Trenton engine plant at sometime soon.
Into my quote good for?

Yea thats right.
Evelyn is a transpose of matrix data.
With potentially some cap space.
Assuming there is justice.
A spirit armed in gold.
Anyone learning to both real sorry that an addict as an infinitive.
Discuss early childhood today!

Beautiful outfit and cool personality.
Emergence in mind.
Southeastern this summer.
Garden spider in web.
Jesus walking on boardwalk.
Ghost tour absolutely awesome.
Busy holistic medical doctor and nurse to registered name.
Everybody involved is your assignment on companionship.

Erect and dismantle the old rainbow apple.
Long crossover cable?
Taking high style wearing caiman boots!
Can ground flaxseed onto salad.
Anton works mainly within the mirror.

(Strange search results i don't want to click on)

Some kind of ML generated SEO text?

More tactical than strategic.
Boycott everybody who applied!
How sour it is!
Stop politics as usual?
Everybody brace for ease of riding hood.