Fuck you, Santa

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We took our sons to the mall to have their pictures taken with Santa. Because they are now heavy, I had one of them sitting on my shoulders instead of carrying him so that he couldn't run off. This inspired Santa to tell me about a product called the "Daddle", which is basically a saddle you can wear so your kid can ride you like a pony. In the midst of telling me this, Santa informed me that there was a cinch involved so I'd better stop stealing his cookies if I wanted to wear it.

What the FUCK, Santa? Bite me.

BTW the "Daddle" looks like some straight-up ponyplay bullshit:


I'm pretty much ready to tear down all of Christmas now.

you're breaking the NAP (DJP), Friday, 11 December 2015 19:27 (eight years ago) link

"hilarious" amazon reviews

racket from the coombes (wins), Friday, 11 December 2015 19:30 (eight years ago) link

194 of 214 people found the following review helpful
A whole lot of fun, but comes at a price....

By C. Castro on March 27, 2014
The mane reason I purchased the daddle was to try and restore my relationship with my father. He neighglected me as a child, so you could say that our relationship was less than stable. I figured with the Daddle that we would be trotting our way to a restored bond. Gallup polls indicated that this was a useful tool to bring two people together, so I was on board. My father and I had such a blast horsing around with each other! As each day passed, we become more and more anxious to strap on the daddle and have another adventure.

We were out playing in a field 3 months ago when tragedy struck. While riding my father, he sprained an ankle very badly. I knew at that moment that he wasn't going to be able to give me rides anymore, so with a long face I pulled out my .22 and put him out of his misery.

I truly appreciate those moments that we got to spend together. It was great while it lasted.

Sufjan Grafton, Friday, 11 December 2015 19:35 (eight years ago) link

I mean, I am not a pony so why would I buy a saddle so my kids could ride me like one, and secondly WHY IS THE MALL SANTA CALLING ME FAT

you're breaking the NAP (DJP), Friday, 11 December 2015 20:20 (eight years ago) link

The suit makes them feel invincible

racket from the coombes (wins), Friday, 11 December 2015 20:21 (eight years ago) link

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