I Lost A Coughdrop in His Asshole: The ILX Gays TMI Thread

i have the less discussed problem ("problem") of not really caring for anal sex either way which is kind of an issue in my relationship insofar as i'll do it when he asks but i don't ever push it for it myself so it doesn't happen as much as it needs to

xp no not at all! that's part of it, the feeling where i can't really tell if this person is ok with it or not, the vagueness i think is a defense mechanism on his part, hedging and being passive-aggressive is a defense mechanism on mine and between those two habits the subject is always eluded. like i would prefer not going outside if he could genuinely enjoy bottoming, it's happened a few times i think. it's just this has been an ongoing issue for years, we haven't successfully addressed it, i got impatient and caved in a moment that hearkened back to my furtive and frantic past.

Which means an additional shitty thing about your situation is going to be having to walk that very fine line between explaining to him "this happened at least partially because of this issue in our relationship that you won't address" and "I did this very, very shitty thing to you." My advice, at least when it comes to addressing the immediate topic at hand, I guess, is to not fall too hard on the former point atm.

xp it's definitely less discussed that not everyone loves anal sex, nor should they. gay men tend to fixate on it, maybe to an unhealthy degree.

xp yeah that's solid.

yeah you gotta take all the Ls on this one before you bring up the culpability he has in whatever sexual incompatibility you guys have

my therapist told me to "speak from the heart" lol

It's def true that gay relationships end as much for sexual position incompatibility as any other incompatibility.

m, you are not garbage

That is true.

I thought t3d was coming back to ILX and shit.

you guys are nice. i did a shitty thing and i have to deal with it. doesn't mean i'm worthless, just that i have to hang in there and try again. shamefaced admission tonight :/

good luck matt, you are one of my favorite posters and definitely not garbage. doing shitty things sucks, it is very difficult ime to own both my shitty actions and the rightful emotions i have about circumstances in which i decided to do take a shitty action. i have to remind myself a lot that it is human and possible to feel simultaneous and conflicting things at once, i am getting better at it but it is hard. i've been working through a lot of sexuality stuff in therapy for the past 5 years or so and the amount of shame and resentment that festered and blew up and manifested in some serious acting out and lying in my relationship is pretty crazy, i am super grateful to have (mostly) moved beyond a lot of that but SO much work remains in terms of honestly and adequately communicating about my sexuality to my partner

ah good to hear you're making progress and i'm not the only one.

that went .. ok. i'm relieved. he talked mostly about how he's been depressed for the last few years. he sort of avoided how he felt about what i did, other than worrying a little bit about me. i could tell it hurt him though. it usually takes a few weeks for him to sort out his feelings about something like this. in the meantime, space.

we could be moving into 'good friends' or maybe 'open relationship'. he is very avoidant of all status talk though so it's confusing if i'm only wishing for the latter and it's not actually doable for him.

he's so strange. very abstracted all the time. he doesn't seem to care for the different arrangements / options that arise from the day-to-day structure of life. he only really opens up when the topic is ideas or other peoples' stories. i appreciate that about him very much because he's brilliant in that regard, but it makes it difficult to work out concrete actions, which i find myself needing in order to navigate a relationship.

anyway, glad i could vent here in the good ole coughdrop thread.

he said "if we can't be friends about stuff like this, there's no point" which i thought was pretty awesome.

New sexpression: eclair

explain...

When it gets really really dirty

dude EW

hey guys. things are pretty interesting these days!

many ports of call?

this past friday night was my boyfriend's 38th birthday. we had a big dinner snd had a whole mess of friends to the bar. afterward, we ended up meeting some gays at the eagle, including this one super cute guy who we've both had a HUGE crush in for years. anyway, we ended up at his house at the end of the night and my boyfriend & i basically devoured him alive. at one point my boyfriend and i were greedily eating out his hairy muscular armpits as he writhed in agony. ugh, it was stupidly hot. the next morning we ended up walking a couple miles back to the car and processing the experience. it's the first time both he & i had fooled around together with a 3rd -- up til now we've always fooled around separately. needless to say my guy had a really good birthday.

but besides that the last week and a half has been more action than i've seen in a while. ended up have my 2nd experience bottoming during a flip-fuck with a good friend. ended up topping the hell out of another acquaintance after running into him at the bar. plus things between my bf and i have been getting hotter & more frequent.

my boyfriend's been getting together with a good bisexual friend of his and doing some sexual surrogacy type shit, i dunno.

oh, and i bought a buttplug. which i'm wearing.

guys he's wearing a buttplug rn

make sure to clean out before you plug!

part of this has to do with the fact that my boyfriend & i don't have anal sex so after 8+ years im suddenly getting to explore that from both sides, as it were. plus the relatively recent opening of the relationship and me having the sort of confidence in my sexuality that i didn't when i was single. altogether it feels like i'm going through a 2nd puberty, hormones on full blast right now.

that's exciting, ps. i sort of miss openness, we stopped because of (reasons) but those sloppy bar makeouts were really fun/sexy. and yeah, it was...interesting having my long-delayed slut phase concurrent with being in a loving LTR

also are you wearing the buttplug like, out and about?

heh, i wore at work for a few hours this morning. it got uncomfy but only because the base wasn't sitting comfortably between the cheeks.

i think i'm about to embark on my slut phase

first bananas and now this

like it's unrelated

Spring strikes ILE gays...hard.

first bananas and now this

who do i have to top to get a banana around here

im officially a dildo owner now

Welcome to the, er, club!

thank you, i've yet to come up with a nsme for the little bugger

i mean is that what people do with dildos, name them? ive always assumed

My husband (jokingly?) calls mine "my competition."

what abt Cynthia or Andrea or Jennifer?

i was thinking the way people name boats. or racehorses. or akc show dogs.

"tradewinds"

"baby's new shoes"

"daniel's most auspicious sterling whisper"

"problematic fave"

Straight Fire Beautiful Dong

Sausalito II

"bashful"

I had one called Hebron

are anal beads even worthy of a name

Not if you have to name each one,