Dating With Mental Illness

i hope jonathan hellion mumble is just doing some ill advised schtick. if not, best of luck to you and please stay away from both sweden and that social worker.

UK terminology wd be "care worker" here as far as i can read it but y'know the other points stand

Yeah I think it says "personal assistant" on the contract but care worker is probably accurate. She works in the old peoples home the rest of the time. And there's nothing inappropriate about dating her, lots of people have their spouses/partners receiving money as official carers. The fact that she is only 21 is inappropriate to me tho that doesn't seem to bother her so much. Most days when she comes round I serenade her from the piano, which gets tough after a while cos I only know three chords and there aren't so many words that rhyme with her name, switching time signatures only covers up my deficiencies briefly.
I realised I miswrote in that last post, I meant "extradited", not "deported", does that make the situation any more acceptable? Everything I do is ill advised, but there is no schtick involved. Tho yon lassie that girl did laugh at me when I accidentally set myself on fire on Thursday. I'm sure she would have tried to extinguish me eventually if it had got out of hand. She is professional if nothing else.

Having someone you are in an established relationship with care for you is not the same as dating/sleeping with someone who is employed to care for you. A house-husband and a cleaner may perform the same tasks, but one is your spouse and one is your employee. Your ethical map may say it's okay, but don't be surprised if others disagree. Even without the ethics of the situation, it sounds like a recipe for nothing but distress on at least one side, probably both, and really really won't help you.

Sensible advice coming courtesy of someone who never does anything sensible, here.

Well, I was kinda in an "established relationship" with her, not like a romantic co-habiting relationship, but she was my drinking buddy and really my unpaid carer for like a year and a half, which is why I hired her, for the job interview I was looking for (in order) 1. someone I trust, 2. someone who is ok with cats, 3. someone who is ok with me smoking inside my tiny house. Most of the pre-designated carers I have had in the past have fell down on one or more of those criteria (and there have been a bunch, for some reason they kept quitting? One of them on his way out called me a "shallow-minded monster" and said that's why I'd never achieve anything in life. Imo THAT's the sort of carer I should be avoiding).
Oof, I have a feeling I will not be convincing any of youse on the wiseness of my path. But I shall probably continue down it anyway, cos when did I ever follow sensible advice? It is all appreciated nonetheless, mind.

I p much thought that's what you'd said but yknow ilx

it's going to make things worse if i say i was imagining you as ricky gervais in 'derek' which i watched one episode of because it was clear he was going to start some romance with the nice helper
sorry 4 judging

I have to get some thins off my chest, and I want to talk about my new (kinda) crush.

I've already had around 15 shots, today.

Here goes: The psychiatrist told my mom I have schizophrenia, ptsd, and depression. It's cool, but I don't think I have schizophrenia, or at least not much of it. I'm cool with the other two diagnoses, though. I've been to the mental hospital three or four times this year. I also have an alcohol problem. I normally wash my pills down with alcohol. I'm on Effexor, Paxil, Neurontin, and Risperidone. None of them do a fucking thing for me. I wish I could get benzos or lithium. But, I'm OK at hiding my mental illness, and I dress well, so psychiatrists don't always take my troubles seriously.

I have a crush on the girl, behind the counter, at the liquor store.

The time before last, I asked her what her tattoo said, she told me it said: "perfectly imperfect".
I know, don't judge.

I'm in a small town, though. This is what people are like.

She probably has a boyfriend.

I was there again today, and she said she hadn't seen me in a while. It seemed warm.

She turns me on, honestly.

So, next time: I'm thinking of making more small talk with her (like we already have), and being a little left-field and showing her my University ID and saying: "yeah, i drink a lot, but I went to a good school". (I went to an elite University). Maybe it will impress her. After that, and small talk, maybe I can slip her a small piece of paper with my number and full name (for Facebook)?

I don't know. She likes me platonically, but she probably has a boyfriend.
She really turns me on, honestly.

Anyway, even if she does have a boyfriend, I've been the other man a few times (I'm surprised I've not been killed yet), and I have a penchant for it.

So, next time I go to her liquor store, I'll have a good shave, haircut, and a nice sweater on. I'll show her my school ID during small talk, ask her more about her tattoos, and slip a note to her with my number and full name for Facebook.

I'm sure she'll contact me after that. But... It's... I don't know.

PS: I get away with things because I'm good-looking.

hey buddy we have a wdyll thread to figure out that kind of thing

I get away with things because I'm good-looking.

So you keep telling us.

Ha (xp)

Ignoring whether or not you should go for this girl (you have a drinking problem and she sells you booze -> this is probably not healthy), I should say that this -showing her my University ID and saying: "yeah, i drink a lot, but I went to a good school". (I went to an elite University) - is such a bad idea. You'll come across like an up-yourself douche. Bring up university if you want, but bring it up in conversation rather than flashing an emblem of it like that means something in itself. Where you went to university isn't important, what you got from it and what you're interested in is important. Does she study as well as work? What does she like?

its embarrassing but just be like i think your cute and seem cool would you like to go out with me? and see what she says? and if she says no then cool and if she says yes than even better

no defense.

i just think i can get away with it. (i'm gonna do it, next time).

i'm a fucking creep, and ill, but i have advantages.

i will probably not respond to the last few posts coherently, ever. but, i did read them.

thank you. especially emil.y

i'm a creep. i like talkin' though.

xpost.

umm. honestly. i can probably make friends with her, at least.
she's dumb and probably has a dumb boyfriend, though. :-/ it's a small, rural town.

whoah. i shouldn't have called her dumb.
she's cool by me.
i respect the fact that most people don't have an education like mine.

i'm drunk.

i'm not an asshole, but i am a jerk.

sorry.

im pretty sure you're an asshole, bud.

your alcohol problem sounds a lot worse than your dating problem

if shes a cashier at a liquor store in rural town she probably dngaf about where you went to school even if its like harvard or w/e. why would she? just ask her out.

Sober up first.

. . .

i was just thinking about this issue -- only so much in terms of dating, but in terms of being close to other people, or attempting to get close to other people

The thing about mental illness is that you are (or at least have been) living in this alternate version of reality in terms of your instincts, perceptions and judgments of other people. If you aren't aware that your reality is "suspect" then that's probably the first step to take. But even after you've acknowledged that, (and largely because of this), at least in my experience, you are reticent to impose your reality (your perceptions, your judgments) on other people in terms of "I think this person is this way, you should agree with me." Sometimes I have to clarify this and spell this out with close friends, because I think the standard thing is to want or expect agreement.

xpost to jim in glasgow: you are a garbage person. harass me again and i will flag your post.

i've had ~20 shots now. i know srahell dislikes, me as well.

we're all here. i assume we're all friends. you dumb jerks!

Effexor, Paxil, Neurontin, and Risperidone

i've had ~20 shots now.

I don't know you, but please take better care of yourself. Drinking while on these medications is very bad for your body and potentially very dangerous. whoever you are, you deserve the best care you can give yourself. please put yourself first for a while. I know that when we have other stuff in our way it can make self-care seem like the hardest thing, I know this personally, but please try.

yeah, we're not all friends here. it's not that i have any particular dislike for you, but i have had too many friends drink themselves to death already. therefore anybody who is actively engaged in drinking themselves to death is not my friend, particularly when there's really nothing at all i can do to prevent it.

good for you rushomancy, your "friends" really appreciated that, i'm sure

JCLC otm

right now I don't think you're in a place where you're going to figure out your romantic life. Please drink some water and get some rest, you'll be able to think about these things more clearly tomorrow. Call someone if you need help.

xps. getting butthurt at people for being addicted to a substance is a bad look.

I find your posts extremely unappealing monster mash and i don't care if you flag-post me for giving you shit, but please be careful with your booze and drug combos.

i take an SSRI and everytime I drink I feel emotionally HORRIBLE for at least the next few days... like WORSE than I felt before I started drinking. i don't know if this is related to the SSRI or not, or if it's just something I've noticed since starting to get help... but I wonder whether or not this awful emotional hangover contributed to my vicious cycle of binge drinking and general fucking-up-my-life... one thing i've learned s that i just need to ride it out and feel bad for a while sometimes, because once i start drinking... things NEVER get better

just some 2cents, please don't start attacking me monster mash

alcohol reduces the effectiveness of SSRI's (also reduces your tolerance to alcohol) ... it's not just you

the tolerance thing... i never even thought about? god i'm stupid, lol

for me it's a negotiation ... i like drinking, but i have to make myself drink less, and less frequently, which makes social stuff awkward, so frequently i don't go out to avoid the peer pressure to drink ... though it's helpful to keep it in mind, "I feel like garbage because i drank too much and my meds aren't working right now." as opposed to "I feel like garbage because I am garbage."

u should have gone to an elite university xp

I found SSRIs lowered my tolerance to some extent but also made it apparently completely random, like one day on Zoloft I could drink all evening and feel not a lot, and then a few days or weeks later I might have just a couple of drinks and feel completely wrecked

but either way my mood would be at rock bottom for a couple of days after drinking so yeah, totally not recommended. wish I'd realised that sooner. anyway Joan C otm. wishing you luck monster mash but please try to cut down and take better care of yourself.

xp i did!

it's not a matter of being butthurt, it's matter of refusing to be hurt by other people's self-destructive behavior, esp. when you have no particular control over it. i should live in la-la land and pretend that if i say "gee, i really care about you as a person, and i hate to see you hurting yourself like that", it will make a fucking bit of difference?

you can isolate yourself from toxic people and still have compassion for them

ALL ALCHOLICS ARE NOT THE SAME FUCKHEAD

i'm definitely not your friend and i'm super proud of it, i still have compassion for your sorry ass, though, lol

so many ways we can be condescending to each other. i need to start prepping turkey.

we're not all friends here and nobody knows monster mash, but telling people that they're being assholes and that you wish for them to not damage themselves (& hurt others) through substance abuse are, in fact, things that friends do

did i say i didn't have compassion for him? of course i have compassion for him. unfortunately, i've found that "compassion" doesn't translate very well to ascii. look, he didn't start a thread to try and elicit empathy from strangers over the internet. as best i can tell, the man craves human touch. i can't say that me saying that my heart bleeds for him does him any good whatsoever.

let me put it another way. my friends are the people who are there to help me when i need them. if i can't be there for someone when they need me, i'm not going to insult them by claiming to be their "friend".

https://33.media.tumblr.com/e8da376090106d2792892e2bb26d6276/tumblr_nde4kaRaiC1trqhcko1_400.gif

ilxors sometimes have good content. but for mental illness support type stuff you're better off elsewhere. on ilx you'll get picked apart for every little error.

and mental illness is error to the people who don't got it

can't wait for the part where mm says he feels like an ass for drunk posting and then refuses to look upthread for all the people who told him to please get some help with the very pronounced alcoholism