Dating With Mental Illness

my god, what did i do here.

Words uttered by every ILXor at one time or another. Welcome to the club.

honestly don't even think about it - you're not a real poster until you've drunk posted (or posted while in some other type of altered state) anyway ;)

I haven't made a thread I really regretted for years, now

not sure I regret them as much as no longer understand parts of who I was at the time

x-post.

duuuuude. i was like, on 18 shots when i posted these messages.

i'd still like to talk about this stuff, but the foundation upon which this thread is built, is uh, quite dumb.

anyway, i'm nuts and want love. carry on.

k, i'm talking to the ice cream girl again.

i'm gonna pass out unless.

how about people talk about what it's like to date with real mental illness, that's all.

fuck you, people with "depression" and "anxiety". you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified. all of you are histrionic and full of shit.

i want my people here: ptsd/schizophrenia/psychotic depression/actual bipolar, etc.

pshhh.. eavesdropping in on the problems of 'sexy' ppl is the only thing that eases my depression and anxiety

"i wish i was still your boyfriend, like in the hospital"

text.

Let's put light around each other.

Can we hug, and put light around each other?

Everyone probably thinks you're a narc anyway, don't sweat it

did you ever meet a dude named Campari G&T

how about don't make fun of me.

i don't know what to say. here, ok, here is the only thing i wrote that i haven't deleted as inflammatory or potentially insulting.

so sometimes you want to be loved, deserve to be loved, just like everybody else, but you know you have to be alone because you are so fucked up that no good can possibly come of it. you feel like you can't be happy without someone to love but if you had someone you know you would just drive them away with your crazy. except you don't know, for sure, because part of the crazy is that your judgment is shit.

not sure I regret them as much as no longer understand parts of who I was at the time

― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, November 19, 2015 2:29 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

truth bomb imho

mm, that wasn't meant as mocking, just mentioning that there are posters who definitely have struggled with the areas of mental welfare that you're talking about

I'm all in favor of commiseration threads, not so much in favor of self-validating threads

sucking yourself up your own solipsistic navel is an option too

fuck you, people with "depression" and "anxiety". you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified. all of you are histrionic and full of shit.

This has been touched upon by other posters upthread, in ways I don't think were helpful, but... this also isn't helpful. Up until this last year I was only ever treated as having nebulous depression or anxiety. Turns out I have a p. seriously bad case of borderline personality disorder, just nobody ever recognised wtf it was that was going on with me, or nobody wanted to recognise, or maybe I didn't want anybody to find out quite how fucked up I am. But making people feel unwelcome or doubt themselves because you think your diagnosis is more important than theirs, that is a really shitty thing to do.

Anyway, dating with mental illness, eh? I've just recently broken up w/ the only person who ever managed to get me sometimes, I don't think I could ever stand to date people. Think I'm just going to be doomed to be alone for the rest of my life, which hopefully won't be that long.

Can somebody sb monster mash for me, I'm on my iphone

I don't think this is in any way an illegitimate topic (in fact it is an interesting and important one), or that monster mash is necessarily a dick who needs sb-ing. I just think that the attempted delineation is both misguided and futile.

nah, monster mash is definitely a dick who needs sb-ing

MM = once-ler, yes?

As in the guy who decided it would be a great idea to repeatedly interrupt women talking about their MH issues with memos from his dick on his opinions of their attractiveness? I don't have a lot of time for that behaviour and the problem here isn't "mental health" it's bog-standard entitlement.

Emil, I don't know if you're still interested in this kind of thing but I just posted the schematics to Comouter World era Klingklang on the Sex Object thread. Synths are better than dating.

I don't think mm = once-ler

mm is not once-ler

it's just that i'm tired of hearing fuck you, people with "depression" and "anxiety". you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified. all of you are histrionic and full of shit. from people, ptsd-afflicted or not.

i am not referring to this, of course: you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified.

it was really not nice to have to remind myself of my hospital visits / medications etc to see if i qualify for this fucking thread though.

argggh ilx borad needs a "ban self from thread" button.. for me, at least

disagree <3

Emily otm here.

people with mental illness sometimes express themselves in counter-productive ways. that's, like, part and parcel of what mental illness is, as far as i'm concerned. my feeling is that if you want to live with a crazy person you have to deal with the fact that they will sometimes say totally horrible shit and just pretend they didn't say it. i mean, yeah, the attempted delineation between "real" mental illness and depression/anxiety is patent bullshit, but arguing the issue on its merits with a drunk person who suffers from severe ptsd doesn't strike me as being super-productive. if someone wants support, i'm going to try my best to give it.

This is so hard because while I do see what rush is saying, I'm not going to lie and say it hasn't felt a little shitty, as someone who has had an an anxiety disorder, to read some of the dismissive posts in this thread.

I wonder if there's also a discussion to be had about being friends with someone with mental illness. Over the past year I'd become good friends with a co-worker who has PTSD. The friendship has been difficult for me at times because of various aspects of her personality that often come off as point blank rudeness. She's been talked to by mgmt at work for this. As someone who often takes things way too personally I've really had to remind myself a lot that when she get in "a mood" it's nothing to do with me really and learn to just ignore her. Earlier this week we had a misunderstanding and she completely ignored my apology and then texted me that we had nothing to talk about and that she really had to concentrate on work. It was very cold and robotic. I went to her office and asked if she wouldn't mind coming to talk to me when she had a couple mins and she turned to me with the weirdest fucking grin and said "I'm sorry but is this a work related issue?" when I said that it wasn't she laughed and said "Well then, no, I'm sorry but I can't do that." I sort of lost it, right there in her office and in front of the person she shares it with. I started shaking, burst into tears and had a full on Gretchen Wieners style breakdown at which point I said "You can't just treat people like this! Especially a friend! You're the rudest coldest person I know. You're so rude and you don't even realize it. How can anyone be so cold?" and burst into tears. I then just left and went to my office where I attempted to pull myself together. Unsurprisingly I haven't heard anything from her since. I am near 100% certain this is the end of our friendship and even though that makes me a little sad it was also too stressful and I think I'm better off. That said, we work really closely together and this has the potential to be ridiculously awkward. Part of me wishes I'd held it together and not flipped my shit but her MH doesn't give her the right to treat people like shit. I've tried to be patient and had given her so many passes. I know she really struggles and I wanted to be as understanding of that as possible but there has to be a line somewhere.

I'm sorry if this wasn't the right place for that post. I didn't really know where to put it. I've just had a really hard time trying to be understanding and compassionate towards her without allowing myself to be treated like or made to feel like shit.

Branwell, it's over. Don't be surprised to see social problems in an Autism thread. Hell, i've ilx searched your posts and I've seen threads where you've mentioned the attractiveness of person ____ - the difference being that I mentioned group _____. I'm sorry if you thought I was flirting with you (my fault for typing up a bipolar/manic mess of words) but I don't hit on random people that I can't see or know nothing about; I also would do my best not to sabotage myself if I was trying to hit on someone. Yes, I apologize for inserting myself into a grownup conversation when it should of been apparent that the only kind of book club I would be accepted in would involve comics or Dr. Seuss

I make mistakes. I do my time. I like tomboys. I've posted in manic flurry less than a handful of times and I've been learning how to get better at not doing that. Like submitting myself to 3 years away from ILX and taking my most recent bann to heart.

You are creepy as fuck.

I am FP-ing this poster now, and I would ask that any other users who see this person attempting to interact with me, or doing this creepy ~researching your life~ type stuff again do the same.

oh yeah it totally feels shitty. this is actually one of the reasons i don't do so great with support groups. because while on the one hand it's tiresome to deal with people who don't get it and tell you to try and "suck it up", on the other hand when you're in all that pain and you want to just scream at somebody for being an asshole to you, and everybody else is the same way, it tends to get real ugly, real fast.

so trying not to fuck up is all well and good but it is basically impossible. my philosophy on this is to forgive others and to forgive myself, which is goddamn hard but less hard, and less destructive, than trying to never fuck up.

and you know the more damaged and fucked-up a person is the less they are able to even acknowledge, let alone comprehend, somebody else's problems. mental illness consumes the world, consumes our past, consumes our future, leaves us knowing and feeling nothing but our own pain in the present moment. this causes us to treat other people like shit.

Emil, I don't know if you're still interested in this kind of thing but I just posted the schematics to Comouter World era Klingklang on the Sex Object thread. Synths are better than dating.

― La Düsseldork (Branwell with an N), Saturday, November 21, 2015 5:49 AM (11 hours ago)

Very much interested, thanks. Synths are definitely better than dating. They're better than pretty much anything. (PS excellent display name.)

Also feeling rushomancy's posts itt, but not much of anything to add to them aside from sad regretful agreement.

Xpp I wasn't trying to research your lfe. I wanted to see why you came at me so strong after I was banned. Don't worry, i will try to avoid any future conversations you partake in. I'm sorry

hey ENBB, I understand where you're coming from. I have a coworker who I'd like to consider a friend but their "quirks" make it very difficult to communicate at times, let alone be coworkers or friends. Their fixation on certain issues, criticism (which is usually constructive) of the ideas of others while being unable to take feedback without lashing out, and a few other aspects that seem very obsessive-compulsive or anxiety-led make collaboration difficult. And there are a lot of things my work group needs to collaborate on!

I see a lot of my own tendencies, but where this person fixates on creating intricate levels of organization (while disparaging other ways of working, because they have to do things _right_ or it's emotionally troubling) I tend toward procrastination or a fear of actually acting, in case I screw something up. And I've worked on my own bad tendencies over the years, with very deliberate choices (and medication), I can't just say "you're crazy, try to work on that!" no matter how much it's tempting. And I did lash out a month ago, and it's been awkward since.

Being coworkers while keeping your own shit level is difficult and I'm glad there's a manager and other coworkers in the mix.

Part of me wishes I'd held it together and not flipped my shit but her MH doesn't give her the right to treat people like shit.

yup.

I tend toward procrastination or a fear of actually acting, in case I screw something up. And I've worked on my own bad tendencies over the years, with very deliberate choices (and medication)

this isn't the thread but I'd love some advice on how best to do this if you feel like putting any elsewhere (procrastination threads?)

PS various people OTM

I am "only" depressed but I was depressed for a long time and remain a fuckup to the extent that I almost wish (be careful what you wish for, of course) for some further explanatory diagnosis

and while I cannot claim any deeper complications I know what it's like to be left because watching my problems powerlessly was tearing him apart; to confess just when I seemed to have found something good "oh hey, you know you said your ex was 'crazy' and you couldn't do that again, well - about me..."

anyway, as you were, I shan't hog yr thread any further

i think i have a memory of pissing people off in this thread, a few days ago, when i was drunk-posting. first, if i did, i'm sorry. i am an idiot/jerk, sometimes. however, i can't actually remember whether i really pissed anyone off (although i can easily imagine having done so), or if i'm only remembering something that happened in a dream. it might have happened in a dream, but if it didn't, i don't really wanna know the reality of it right now or read the posts. i'm sorry if i actually pissed anyone off.

x-post to the original post/my first post in this thread.
as far as that late fall afternoon with that guy, look. i'm kind of upset about this.
he was a bit younger than me, granted. but, he was probably more experienced than i am, hell.

i can't remember it that well.
all i remember is this:
i was drinking alone in my apartment (that's normal). he knocked on my door and came in (that's cool). so,
i poured him a drink. he had no more than four or five shots, that afternoon. i was somewhere around 15, naturally.

i entertained him for a small time as he had his drink. everything was normal.
we decided to go for a walk.
we wound up under my favorite tree at my old university, and my alcohol began kicking in intensely.
i began talking to him about, because i was really quite drunk, my mental health issues, diagnoses, and hospital stays. . .
i thought we were having fun though, although i could sense something about to happen that i really had no interest in having happened.

we ended up at his place on his bed.
i didn't even take my clothes off. i think he took his shirt off.
he went down on me.
i guess i gave it a chance? i was trying to be nice?
i wasn't into it, at all. all i remember was trying to say, "you're not gonna get me off, you can't get me off", and i was (because is the tmi board) only half-way hard. i wasn't into it.
i don't feel like i was in a well-enough state of mind to agree to it.

he's only had around 4 or 5 shots. i was pretty clearly smashed, at the time.
he walked me home soon (we gave up on getting me off), which was nice. i probably needed him to.

i don't remember anything after that.

--

i mean, we were guys. it's fine. it wasn't traumatic for me, or anything.
however, i was pretty clearly in a bad state of mind, and very drunk, and not really into what he was doing.

whatever. i mean, i'm a modern man. i don't seriously believe in straight or gay, it's all on a spectrum, etc. i even spent some time in my early-twenties as a rather confused young man about all of this. i get it now, though.
i like girls.
he knew that.
i wish that this had not happened.
i would have more respect for myself now, had it not

it isn't a big deal. worse things i can't remember have probably happened. he should have known better. but, we're guys, what are you gonna do.
he was probably just young and didn't know what he was doing.

just another bad memory.

*i probably needed him to walk me home, i meant

APS <3

dmac <3

m. mash sorry if my post sounded bristly, I wish you all the best, sincerely

and wtf that dude should not have done that, obv, but even apart from that, don't feel that you "should" have less respect for yourself because of things that happened because other people put you in a bad situation or because you were/are ill, physically or mentally. just know you did the best you could in the circumstances (including circumstances illnesses of your mind or body put you in)

well that didn't help, but, good vibes were intended

thanks. seriously. i also don't take personal swipes against myself very seriously online? i try to adhere to the hongro/tuomas school of thought on that -- politeness, ignoring stuff, etc.

i have no idea what that was all about, spacecadet! other than what you just posted. thank you. i needed someone to tell me it was wrong - that what happened was fucked up.

but, again: i know i pissed a few people off upthread, it may have happened in a dream - but i think it was real. i won't read posts upthread, and i will assume i just pissed people off upthread.

i think it might have been in a dream, but: if i bitched at you for not being mentally ill enough for this thread, then i am extremely sorry. sorry. so sorry.

however, i will say that, this thread is not for people with simple depression or simple anxiety, of which they only take one pill for (there's another thread for that, it's called "depression and what it's really like").

this thread is for, well. . . let me give you an example:

remember when i was talking about that gorgeous chick with schizophrenia with religious delusions who i met at the hospital, and how i've stayed at her place a few times since, and we didn't have sex, but ate ice cream together and watched bad jesus movies as she cried about the anti-christ?

^ it's like that or something. i don't fucking know. yeah, i'm pretty, but i can't even talk sometimes. hell.

sorry. i only talk to people when i'm drinking. two years.

so this is a thread for people w/mental health problems & severe alcoholism, who won't take care of the latter
who have also convinced themselves they're unlovable

aka another crabs in a basket thread

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

there was a day i was convinced i was seeing will smith everywhere (i was working at a video store, so, yeah, i was, on a lot of dvd covers) and that he was telling me i should die
but that doesn't mean i have to drink myself to death and never have a functional relationship again
and if you think it does, go take a flying fuck at the moon

you don't HAVE to be a character in a tennessee williams play

i'm a jerk. carry on. sorry.

i just wanted to reach out to other people with severe mental illness, um, the kind that leads to deluded thinking, and actual inescapable mental loops that last for 20 months, and things like that. sorry.

everyone's welcome here. sorry.

I'm sorry, emily. I was insensitive.

And I've always thought you were a really cool person. I always follow what you have to say about if.

Dehumanising people into their (hypothetical) diagnoses is gross. Playing up stereotypes of those diagnoses is also gross. Please refrain.

bpd aren't much better. they latch on to crazy ideas and everything is so starkly black or white, at the extreme ends of possibility.

Pff...please understand that saying this kind of generalising, uninformed bullshit is pretty dangerous. Especially when speaking to people who are obviously emotionally vulnerable and therefore impressionable. Most mental health issues derive from trauma and are in no way malevolent. Also, using 'crazy' as a diminutive term in a mental health thread is not well thought through. There isn't even anything inherently wrong in the attributes you just mentioned...

Xpost I don't think anybody's mad at you monster mash. I imagine most people feel how I do, which is genuinely concerned. but i don't really want to engage with your posts because i don't want to play at being a therapist or a counselor. also i don't want to enable you to not get genuine professional help by filling in the role of that professional.

xp it was a dumb thing to say and think. Thanks for setting me straight.

it sounds like i also owe emil.y an apology. do you you have bpd? that's the impression i just received. i'm extremely sorry, and you're surely nothing like the monster i'm talking about here. you surely, could only be, better than that. (if you don't have bpd, then i'm just confused about the last few posts).

i hope this space is safe.

in any case, when it comes to my girl/jerk/monster, yes, she had bpd or narcissistic personality disorder, but she was also very young (she was 22 - I was 27), and she was very immature (even for her age - but she told me lies which made me feel like she was mature enough), (i was 27, i figured as long as the age range were within a five-year radius, i was okay. i wouldn't have dated a 21-year-old - i thought 22 was fine).

a therapist once told me that, no matter what, you should hold people accountable for their actions -- even with mental illness.
god, how wrong.
i mean, yeah, hold people accountable up to a certain point, but... even i've flaunted my mental illness to excuse my own dumbass behavior (don't get the wrong impression - it's more complicated and tactful than it sounds -- i was being blunt).
i mean, sure, maybe things like depression or bipolar disorder are more like afflictions, but things like borderline or narcissistic are a little more innate (IN MOST CASES, NOT ALL).

i don't wanna hold my girl accountable. i wanna blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it.

MM, you need to focus on yourself and stop perseverating on whatever you think this female acquaintance of yours did to you. For one thing you're coming across more than a little bit like a possessive stalker:

i don't wanna hold my girl accountable. i wanna blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it.

this is a very unhealthy line of thinking! she's not "your girl" and a desire to "blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it" is all kinds of wrong, for you and everybody else involved. especially since you're clearly focusing on her and her actions (as you perceive them) and not at ALL about getting past this and forgetting it. You are obsessing, you are drinking to excess (as confessed by you yourself) while you obsess over it, and it's making it really difficult, nigh impossible, to engage with you on this thread.

At this point I feel like one of the best things that could happen is that a mod locks this thread and you can start a new one if you want, but about yourself, not about somebody else and whatever they might have done to you. You probably need to see a (new?) therapist, and you need to consider if you should be on medication, or some different medication than whatever's not working for you right now.

The silver lining of mental illness, acknowledged as such, is that gives you a path to mental health, but only if you realize that it's about you and your emotional state, and not so much about other people. These days it would appear you're entirely focused on another person and that, my friend, leads nowhere good. For anyone.

No means no, MM. That's it; you have no right to demand anything from her. She is not "your girl". You are using an image of her to feed an obsession. You have no relationship with her now -- any relationship from this point forward is you being an asshole. There is nothing else to say.

There is one thing left to say: if you need help to stop thinking about her, get it. And you will not get it from her and must not try to.

[ADMIN]

I think Tombot's post is as OTM as it gets. I hope you finda a way to deal with this issue, but writing obsessive-sounding posts about another person with personal details that she probably doesn't want to be addressed on a public forum is not the way to go. I'm locking this thread and deleting the post. Like Tombot says, you can start a new thread and discuss the subject on a more general level, but these kind of personal accusations towards a third party who's not present are not okay.

[ADMIN]

Just to make it clear, if you write more posts like that, I will have to ban you from the ILTMI board. This is supposed to be a safe space to discuss personal matters, so posting intimate and identifiable details about other people without their consent is a banworthy offense.