Songs where the singer/protagonist comes off as a serious dick without meaning to

Bee Gees (although it was hearing the Take That cover that made me mention it).

Paul Simon - "Something So Right"

I guess Simon is going for a humble and self-aware persona but ends up sounding conceited imo:

When something goes wrong
I'm the first to admit it
...when something goes right
well it's likely to lose me

Drake's whole lyrical persona on his weepies sort of rides that "the dickishness is meant to be visible here" line, but "Hotline Bling" really is just gross as all hell.

38 Special - Second Chance

the smug "why can't we forget about the past" when it is significantly more work for the wronged party

"please forgive me, and forget it, I was wrong and I admit it" - wow, how big of you

"this heart needs a second chance" - most annoying chorus ever

red house painters, "cruiser", due to this verse:

Won't you whisper in my ear?
You look so good against my mirror
And you're my baby full of joy
You're my erotic brown eyed toy
You're my exotic black haired toy

'Are you sure?' By The Allisons might be the earliest one here.

She wants to break up, he's very 'oh well never mind' and telling her she might want him back tomorrow. Its the non-committal lyric and delivery (and the 'funny' way of saying goodbye in various ways and languages) that add to the unintended dickishness

Strange that "You Were Always On My Mind" is mentioned upthread. Isn't the entire point of the song an admission of guilt?

Yes.

"The Dangling Conversation," Simon & Garfunkel. Maybe more of a douche than a dick.

I would say "Take Good Care of My Baby" is pretty sweet until this o_O line:

"So, take good care of my baby
Be just as kind as you can be
And if you should discover
That you don't really love her
Just send my baby back home to me"

Oh yeah, that's a good one.

prolly mentioned, but 10cc - i'm not in love

"Into The Night" by Benny Mardones comes to mind. "She's just sixteen years old, leave her alone, they say." I had to google him to see if he wound up in prison.

Christ, it gets even worse as the song progresses:

She's just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they say
Separated by fools
Who don't know what love is yet

But I want you to know
If I could fly
I'd pick you up
I'd take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you've never seen - ever seen.

It's like having a dream
Where nobody has a heart
It's like having it all
And watching it fall apart
And I would wait till the end of time for you
And do it again, it's true
I can't…

if you haven't seen this thread:

benny mardones - "into the night" 1980 version vs. 1989 version

haha that thread is classic

Benny is now married to a former Miss Denmark:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8jYIvd6O1Y

So weird, I was gonna revive this earlier today but saw that Lou Christie's 'Lightning Strikes' was already mentioned. 'Please wait for me, because you're totally the woman I want to settle down with. It's just that I have a loooot of other chicks to bone before that day comes. You understand.'

Ctrl+F 'Weezer'.. 0 results?! If we're talking dickish as in being completely misogynist and objectifying, Cuomo takes the cake:

I know that you're thinking I'm trying to score
But deep in your heart you know that I'm more
Than a cad or a scoundrel, now that I've found you
I don't want to lose you, how can I prove to you
That I am sincere, you don't need to fear
I'm not like the others, I'll be like a brother
I will protect you, never disrespect you
But if you need love then I'll be here to sex you

And

I'm so glad I got a girl to think of even though she isn't mine
I think about her all the day and all the night it's enough to know that she's alive
She says I give her sweaty palms she almost had a heart attack
The truth is that I’m just as scared I don’t know how to act
I wish that I could get to know her better
But meeting up in real life would cause the illusion to shatter
I carved her name into all the trees
Sang a song down on one knee
Looking at the underwear page of the Sears catalog like when I was 14
I’m levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around
I’m like an Indian Fakir tryna’ meditate on a bed of nails with my pants pulled down

All of 'Accross the Sea' etc etc etc

The Stone Poneys - If I Were You

If I were you
I'd be happy just knowing that
Somebody loved me
If I were you
I'd be sad that somebody was
Lonely without me
If I were you
I know just what I would do
I'd fall in love too

If I were you
I'd have been in love all along
And for a song I'd just up and leave
Everything that I had behind
I wouldn't mind it
If I were you
I know just what I would do
I'd fall in love too

I believe
A love like mine
Just can't be taken lightly
And in time it will win you over
You will see
That my love won't wither like the others
You're never going to get a better offer

If I were you
Then I wouldn't cry all the time
I'd open my eyes and I would see
There is someone so in love with me
That's all that I need
If I were you
I know just what I would do
I'd fall in love too

Richard Marx, Hazard

Oh he done it alright

if i were you - the anthem of Nice Guys

kevin ayres, may i

I just came in off the street
Looking for somewhere to eat
I find a small cafe
I see a girl and then I say

May I sit and stare at you for a while?
I'd like the company of your smile

You don't have to say a thing
You're the song without the sing
The sunlight in your hair
You look so good just sitting there

May I sit and stare at you for a while?
I'd like the company of your smile

piss off you creep

wow ewww

Something tells me that his formal request is rhetorical.

no u may not

I'd like the company of your terrified rictus

Haha, I love that song but "piss off you creep" is totally the correct answer.

creepy but also a little sad imo

Any song from the second Weezer album.

And a couple from the first.

And some from the albums after, too.

Surely 'No One Else' is self-aware, OTT dickishness. The fact it's followed up by it's own answer song is revealing

'Butterfly', on the other hand though

Any John Mayer song probably fits this thread. Daughters, Body is a Wonderland, No Such Thing (Because I Am An Affluent White Guy) etc.

WAiting on the world to change would fit even more if it just came out now

"activism just happens, maaaaaan"

bohemian rhapsody

"Session Man" by the Kinks

"He's not paid to think just play"

i get that it's "satire" but that line especially makes Ray Davies seem like a rockist jerk.

he's taking the side of the session man while calling him a brainless tool

plenty of session guys happily agree that they are paid to play and not think. Could probably include Nicky Hopkins in there as well, I would guess, given that he plays on the track and it's about him.

I think it was just cos he hated Jimmy Page

Maybe I'm Amazed -- it starts out fine but I get a very bad vibe from "Maybe I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something/that he doesn't really understand."

When it comes to Kinks songs that make Ray Davies seem like a jerk, 'Session Man' isn't even on the list, IMO.

I don’t know if Lennon qualifies as he always came off as a dick and it seems like he was conscious of it half of the time.

lol, never noticed the bolded line, my suspicion was correct, speaker is a total dick:

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the the way you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
Right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

I mean it seems to me like the whole song is an elaborate rationalization/apology for using someone and being ambiguous and non-committal when you know they want commitment.

"All Things Must Pass" maybe? I mean, it's beautiful and sounds universal, but it's also, "I dumped you out of the blue, but don't worry, you'll get over it."

Joe OTM

Isn't this really most Wedding Present songs? Or the whinier Field Mice stuff.

working class hero - lennon

Paul Williams - To Put Up With You

Don't think I'm not impressed with your looks
'Cause I think that you look just fine
And don't think that I haven't considered you, girl
Or the fact that you could be mine
Yes I'd like to hang around
But I'll have to let you down
I just haven't got what it takes
To put up with you