Songs where the singer/protagonist comes off as a serious dick without meaning to

To be fair, that protagonist spends the entire running time of the song coming off as a dick.

I feel like he's at least in a gray area in certain moments. I mean, whoever sat down and wrote out the sign saying "Long-Haired Freaky People NEED NOT APPLY!" was kind of asking for it. But it's definitely true that the character is trying to troll these people so maybe "not meaning to" is off base.

Queen - 'Don't Try Suicide'

Stevie Wonder's "Superwoman(Where were you when I need you)" fits right in here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-ohttPIqco

The first part of the song is all just belittling Mary/Syreeta for her ambitions, and the second part is whining about how she's become successful and left him on his own. Aw, boo-hoo mate.

Despite the sentiments I still think it's a great song, though

I feel a similar tension with a number of Beach Boys songs (e.g. 'Caroline, No') that are simultaneously gorgeous and lyrically dickish.

Hi, I just thought of one;

Are You Sure - The Allisons

This was the british eurovision entry in 1958 or whatever. The singer/protagonist has basically been given his marching orders, so to amuse himself he says goodbye in a number of different languages in an off-hand manor, and then tells the girl that she's bound to have regrets by the following day, and how miserable she will be. On the other hand, he's indifferent to it all but is basically giving her one last chance to change her mind. See, Phil in "Don't you want me" is casting himself as the swine, whereas in this they are casting themselves as concerned but mature fellas. But they are actually dicks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_9L2XZ-0Xk

1961, beg puddin'

The whole of Pet Sounds is passive-aggressive dickishness, isn't it? I think that's one of the reasons I've never really liked it.

There's a strain of conservative chauvinism running through the entire Beach Boys catalogue. 'Hey Little Tomboy' is another example that immediately comes to mind.

"Ballad of Ole' Betsy" has got to be the worst of those:

"Betsy was a lady and that she will remain/
Betsy took some beatings but she never once complained"

Yes I realize Betsy is just a *car*, but the implications couldn't be any more obvious

(and that would have otherwise been such a nice song in that campy, corny, yet lovable early Beach Boys style)

The whole of Pet Sounds is passive-aggressive dickishness, isn't it? I think that's one of the reasons I've never really liked it.

― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, October 8, 2015 7:44 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, I do like it, but there's something a little bit M'lady about the speaker in most of the songs, and it kind of walks the line between coming of age and just sexual/relational stuntedness, which is also maybe hard for me to separate in my mind from Brian Wilson's own persona.

You could also read "Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder)" as slightly dickish.

Again, fine line between the romance of silence and "I don't feel like listening to you, woman"

There's a strain of conservative chauvinism running through the entire Beach Boys catalogue. 'Hey Little Tomboy' is another example that immediately comes to mind.

― Skin Boherts (Old Lunch), Thursday, October 8, 2015 8:47 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

How had I never heard of this until now? Wow, this is the dregs.

TBF, the bulk of their post-Love You discography is pretty much the dregs, if for generally less creepy reasons.

How Deep Is Your Love is pretty unpleasant.

Bee Gees or Calvin Harris?

Bee Gees (although it was hearing the Take That cover that made me mention it).

Paul Simon - "Something So Right"

I guess Simon is going for a humble and self-aware persona but ends up sounding conceited imo:

When something goes wrong
I'm the first to admit it
...when something goes right
well it's likely to lose me

Drake's whole lyrical persona on his weepies sort of rides that "the dickishness is meant to be visible here" line, but "Hotline Bling" really is just gross as all hell.

38 Special - Second Chance

the smug "why can't we forget about the past" when it is significantly more work for the wronged party

"please forgive me, and forget it, I was wrong and I admit it" - wow, how big of you

"this heart needs a second chance" - most annoying chorus ever

red house painters, "cruiser", due to this verse:

Won't you whisper in my ear?
You look so good against my mirror
And you're my baby full of joy
You're my erotic brown eyed toy
You're my exotic black haired toy

'Are you sure?' By The Allisons might be the earliest one here.

She wants to break up, he's very 'oh well never mind' and telling her she might want him back tomorrow. Its the non-committal lyric and delivery (and the 'funny' way of saying goodbye in various ways and languages) that add to the unintended dickishness

Strange that "You Were Always On My Mind" is mentioned upthread. Isn't the entire point of the song an admission of guilt?

Yes.

"The Dangling Conversation," Simon & Garfunkel. Maybe more of a douche than a dick.

I would say "Take Good Care of My Baby" is pretty sweet until this o_O line:

"So, take good care of my baby
Be just as kind as you can be
And if you should discover
That you don't really love her
Just send my baby back home to me"

Oh yeah, that's a good one.

prolly mentioned, but 10cc - i'm not in love

"Into The Night" by Benny Mardones comes to mind. "She's just sixteen years old, leave her alone, they say." I had to google him to see if he wound up in prison.

Christ, it gets even worse as the song progresses:

She's just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they say
Separated by fools
Who don't know what love is yet

But I want you to know
If I could fly
I'd pick you up
I'd take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you've never seen - ever seen.

It's like having a dream
Where nobody has a heart
It's like having it all
And watching it fall apart
And I would wait till the end of time for you
And do it again, it's true
I can't…

if you haven't seen this thread:

benny mardones - "into the night" 1980 version vs. 1989 version

haha that thread is classic

Benny is now married to a former Miss Denmark:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8jYIvd6O1Y

So weird, I was gonna revive this earlier today but saw that Lou Christie's 'Lightning Strikes' was already mentioned. 'Please wait for me, because you're totally the woman I want to settle down with. It's just that I have a loooot of other chicks to bone before that day comes. You understand.'

Ctrl+F 'Weezer'.. 0 results?! If we're talking dickish as in being completely misogynist and objectifying, Cuomo takes the cake:

I know that you're thinking I'm trying to score
But deep in your heart you know that I'm more
Than a cad or a scoundrel, now that I've found you
I don't want to lose you, how can I prove to you
That I am sincere, you don't need to fear
I'm not like the others, I'll be like a brother
I will protect you, never disrespect you
But if you need love then I'll be here to sex you

And

I'm so glad I got a girl to think of even though she isn't mine
I think about her all the day and all the night it's enough to know that she's alive
She says I give her sweaty palms she almost had a heart attack
The truth is that I’m just as scared I don’t know how to act
I wish that I could get to know her better
But meeting up in real life would cause the illusion to shatter
I carved her name into all the trees
Sang a song down on one knee
Looking at the underwear page of the Sears catalog like when I was 14
I’m levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around
I’m like an Indian Fakir tryna’ meditate on a bed of nails with my pants pulled down

All of 'Accross the Sea' etc etc etc

The Stone Poneys - If I Were You

If I were you
I'd be happy just knowing that
Somebody loved me
If I were you
I'd be sad that somebody was
Lonely without me
If I were you
I know just what I would do
I'd fall in love too

If I were you
I'd have been in love all along
And for a song I'd just up and leave
Everything that I had behind
I wouldn't mind it
If I were you
I know just what I would do
I'd fall in love too

I believe
A love like mine
Just can't be taken lightly
And in time it will win you over
You will see
That my love won't wither like the others
You're never going to get a better offer

If I were you
Then I wouldn't cry all the time
I'd open my eyes and I would see
There is someone so in love with me
That's all that I need
If I were you
I know just what I would do
I'd fall in love too

Richard Marx, Hazard

Oh he done it alright

if i were you - the anthem of Nice Guys

kevin ayres, may i

I just came in off the street
Looking for somewhere to eat
I find a small cafe
I see a girl and then I say

May I sit and stare at you for a while?
I'd like the company of your smile

You don't have to say a thing
You're the song without the sing
The sunlight in your hair
You look so good just sitting there

May I sit and stare at you for a while?
I'd like the company of your smile

piss off you creep

wow ewww

Something tells me that his formal request is rhetorical.

no u may not

I'd like the company of your terrified rictus

Haha, I love that song but "piss off you creep" is totally the correct answer.

creepy but also a little sad imo

Any song from the second Weezer album.

And a couple from the first.

And some from the albums after, too.