Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"I'm all for free range, but c'mon!"

http://suckmydicknewyorker.tumblr.com/

http://41.media.tumblr.com/7ea8f04bee88a418e1f62d29454ff69b/tumblr_nn4husDSin1qceynno1_1280.jpg

They actually used this?

Wouldn't it be 1000+ entries saying ".. and this is where the magic happens" ?

"Have you met the other half?"

...and i didn't notice there were kids in the back until i was driving away. they haven't set foot outside this room in 25 years.

my desires are...unconventional

"Time for some butt stuff!"

"Are you still sure you don't want to play Magic: The Gathering?"

http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/160711_contest-690.jpg

"I'm sorry but we've decided not to renew your contract"

"look at the naked contempt i have for you, my audience"

"Because it wasn't there."

Something about "clinging to white privilege" but I'm struggling with this one.

"Never better!"

"Shut up, it's working!"

^ Like

"This is normal"

"Giant steps are what you take, climbing on the Moon"

Contenderizer x2

"There's really nothing to it."
Submitted by Throop Wilder, Lincoln, Mass.
"If you see the cartoonist, have him drop me a line."
Submitted by J. Michael Shanley, Marshfield, Mass.
"Because it's not there."
Submitted by Susan Robinson, Willow, N.Y.

http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/160801_contest-690.jpg

"I want to cut cable"

"im just really struugling with the glass ceiling at work"

"you need a taller door, dickweed"

"I'm sleeping with another giraffe, who looks exactly identical to both of us"

"I never thought putting an unplugged LCD television in the middle of our room would work - and I was right"

"Who's got a long neck and rams his TV table up against a couch? This guy!!!!"

"don't get short with me!!!!!"

"put some clothes on"

"Let's Neckflix and chill. Get it? Neck flix"

"Did you do something different with your tail? Come on Lisa.. Why won't you talk to me?? Oh yeah, giraffes can't talk"

"I'm not going to stick my neck out for the DNC when I can watch the convention from home"

"I am sick of not having balsamic vinegar"

I don't know how you can watch that garbage anyway... Come on, why are you being like this? I said I was sorry, and actually I think you'll find that "cow" is simply the correct term

Can we just watch more Friday Night Lights tonight? I know The Wire is good and all but I kind of just want to turn my brain off. You know? It's been a really hard day. I had accounting up my ass the entire day about some receipts I lost while I was at that conference in Philly. It's like, "guys, I will pay the thirteen dollars myself. You don't need to be such pricks about it." But no, they have to cross every T and dot every I. Seriously, I think they'd save money if they didn't have to chase down meaningless bullshit like this. So I had to e-mail the hotel and get them to FAX me the receipt. Fax, right? Can you believe it? In 20-goddamn-16? I couldn't even find the fax machine. I've been at that office for six years... and I'd never seen the fax machine. Did you buy more acacia leaves? That's what giraffes eat.

"Your neck is fine — all those actresses are just horses with spots painted on."

lol Will M

"Look I know the job search can feel overwhelming, but just start with the high-hanging fruit."

"I just voted you off the island"

"I feel that I should mention the elephant in the room."

"I only watch TV for the nature documentaries."

"I don't even own a television. Because I'm a fucking giraffe."

"If I see Jeremy Clarkson on TV again, I swear I'll put my foot through the screen."

"Where's the remote?"

"I told you we should have bought the three seater."

"I was thinking of buying an XBox One, but then I heard that the PVR functionality is crap. So I considered a PS4, but then I heard about the upgraded consoles that Microsoft and Sony are coming out with in a few months and thought I'd hold off a bit. Or do you think that I should buy an HTPC instead?"

"Can you adjust the Vertical Hold?"

'Where's Keith?'

"Is this 4K or only HD?"

"I told you that you should've used the wrist strap on the Wiimote."