Hell Is Other People At Breakfast - Caring For Your Introvert

http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-signs-youre-unholy-amalgamation-personality-trai-2895 nails it imo

at one of the most acutely depressed-feeling moments in my life i had to endure sitting with extroverted friends at dinner making fun of me for my complete lack of affect.

extroverts are morons

the invention of smart phones has really caused a problem because the "i just enjoy listening" excuse doesn't really cut it when you're looking at your phone under the table.

i think my biggest complaint with extroverts is that they are weirdly self-obsessed--they really think your behavior is some reflection on them!

extroverts are morons

― j., Wednesday, 2 September 2015 19:26 (26 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

:(

what about extroverts who've had a mute button installed by years of savage internet battery at the hands of shut-ins ;)

years of savage internet battery

pistol-whipped by electrons

it's interesting reading abbbott's comments upthread about separate rooms. mr veg & i share a bedroom but it's not a room you can really "hang out" in anyway... but most days 9 times out of 10 he hangs in the computer room & i hang in the living room, both of us reading or whatever. like, all weekend except meals & a bit of shared tv watching.

i dont think ppl really get it, and they think something is wrong but we totally love each other & talk but silence/not having to talk is one of our great shared treasures

i have spent the past few weekends having a 1-night sleepover with 2 girlfriends and the 8-12 hours of constant conversation is fun & great but so exhausting for me that by the time i get home i am practically RUNNING for my front door to greet the calm loving quiet of my home & spouse

days at work where i have to be on the phone or participate in a lot of meetings are the same, it just takes a lot out of me & quiet recharges me

I took a picture of one of my coworkers schedule so I could figure out when to avoid him on the elevator (there's only one elevator at the place I work)

― dayo, Tuesday, January 25, 2011 7:07 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

<3

comic noir premise

I haven't read all of this thread, but is there a general sense that extroverts don't feel the need to be as defensive as introverts about their preferences? I mean is there an extrovert superiority complex equivalent to the introvert superiority complex?

yeah you guys are suuuuuch bummers *does a big dance* *the dance represents freedom of expression*

in all seriousness this is equivalent to a no racism against whites type situation and i will own my extrovert privilege

I mean nevermind that these are completely made-up categories with little empirical evidence to support their actual existence

Why so butthurt, introvert?

(btw I a verifiable ambivert)

TBH the only time it has ever occurred to me to even categorize myself definitively as an "extrovert" or "introvert" is when these clickbait pieces come around, they just don't sound convincing to me as personality categories. I think most people enjoy some mix of social time and alone time in their lives, and then there are also people who face actual social anxiety and/or depression and pathologically avoid social contact, and there are people driven by some kind of unhealthy need for attention from others as well. And there are people who have some mix of social anxiety and need for attention too. But I don't understand what defines a person as an "introvert," like at what point does a person NOT suffering from social anxiety or depression sufficiently prefer aloneness that they can be considered "introverted"? And meanwhile I almost never hear anyone self-describe as an "extrovert."

introverts: dicks

extroverts: giant mechanised dildos

it's spelt extravert anyway ffs

at what point does a person NOT suffering from social anxiety or depression sufficiently prefer aloneness that they can be considered "introverted"?

as with so many things, it is a spectrum and people can appear at all points along it, but that does not negate the existence of either end of that spectrum

It's just that listicles about what introverts are "really" like always seem so presumptuous, as though everyone else has these "myths" about introverts that need to be cleared up, rather than the reality that no one cares. They sound more emblematic of narcissism than introversion.

increasing trend towards neuro-diversity means = you will be classified in every particular so that the exact parameters of your inclusion can be determined.

or exclusion

xps abbott’s & vg’s living situations seem ideal to me

max's post about introversion sometimes being misused as a cover for depression also otm. (and something i've only recently recognized about myself.)

seconded. as depression-prone introvert it’s v difficult stimes to disentangle, discern (or decide) where one ends & other begins
and/or dangerously convenient stimes not to (self-rationalizing)

think introversion/depression combo is related (in part) to my <3 of photographing. it’s a way simultaneously to
be out in the world, in swim of things (often among humans, crowd of humans, interacting with humans, in way v attuned & connected to them: rarely feel misanthropy when photographing, more often overwhelmed with <3 )/
yet (nevertheless) alone, luxuriously alone/
yet out of myself (which is good for the depressive self-loathing; cf garry winogrand: “How do I say it? The way I would put it is that I get totally out of myself. It’s the closest I come to not existing, I think, which is the best--which is to me attractive.”)

btw will stick up for extroverts, some of my best friends are extroverts :)
(really)

that's a good insight about photography! i need more (semi-)healthy habits like that.

on the heels of my realization about my own introversion/depression, peter sloterdijk's essay "rules for the human zoo" really made me re-think my relationship to books in a totally dispiriting way (and seemed to mimic my own slow process of disillusionment).

Im looking forward to reading this thread. Im a lone wolf. I'm more eager to go on my computer than hang out with the last few friends I keep (kept?) up with. Yet I still find myself lying on my bed when the pc is 8 feet away.

Introverts can be dicks that snap at you like crab in a bad mood
Extroverts can be dicks when their ego goes to their head

I figure its time to do something about it but doing things seems like work and motivational speeches are effective for 10 minutes tops

http://introvertdear.com/

i feel like thought catalog must have a stake in this 'vertical'

What’s Up with the Name Introvert, Dear?

When Jenn named her blog Introvert, Dear, she imagined a wise, older woman inviting a troubled young introvert to sit down on her fancy chaise lounge for a therapy session. The therapist began her worldly advice by saying, “Now, introvert, dear…”

quincie's post upthread would make a good blog name, "Butthurt Introvert"

That's a good one. It's part of the introvert's lifelong journey, learning to quell the reactive butthurt.

this thread is insane

fuck people

oh well if you go back to before "man alive"'s posts it seems fine.

still... aklsfjqnwe89fq3kefnlkw;wf

get your nose out of that book and socialize

Introvertdear prompted to take Meyers-Briggs for maybe the 12th time. And I continue to get slightly different results, but certainly always Introvert. Does anyone have the latest stats re: percentage of people identifying intro vs extro? I want to say it was something like 25% vs 75%, which explains why these articles and websites for support, or clarification on why introversion is "ok" keep popping up.

A lot of this thread rings true to me, unfortunately, including the stuff about how introversion claims are covers for depression. Not because I think it's true, but because I know some other people do. To me, introversion is simply the concept that interacting w/other people is draining, and time alone is recharging. You still want to interract w/other people, but only until it gets to be too much. I don't think think it has anything to do w/depression at all. Anyone can be depressed.

For bipolar people depression can alternate with manic elation, which definitely has nothing to do with introversion.

I'm like textbook introvert in that 'extraverts draw energy from other people, other people draw energy from introverts' sense. I'm socially functional and I like people (and love the people who are part of my web) but intentionally very low-key (okay, maybe mostly withdrawn, even) on a social level because socialization exhausts me. And it's not just the immediate act of socializing but also all of the attendant scaffolding that needs to be erected around social obligations and expectations. I can do family and close close friends but anything beyond that...I've got like an hour tops before I'm spent.

I put off tasks which involve communicating with other people because all the dancing around trying to sound nice and helpful and reasonable, second-guess exactly what everyone wants, not upset anyone = so draining and daunting

this is not a way to be productive or feel good at work (or at home for that matter: feel bad about my total inability to stay in touch with anyone) and also has incurred a few financial costs and complications this year because I didn't want to query things/ask for refunds

I don't know what I'm asking rly, guess not "is this normal" because it isn't, maybe "does anyone else" or "can I fix this" or just a howl into the void

I also don't know to what extent it's some kind of social anxiety and to what extent just plain laziness, as def both are involved and play off each other

(I have failed to negotiate with another team at work, having put off writing that email for weeks and probably worsened my odds of getting a positive response in the process, and now have to ask my colleague to do some inconveniently timed extra tasks, which I am now also putting off as if hoping I'll die in the next hour or so instead of having to do it. this is an extreme example of a repeated pattern of avoidance)

it would help if work conversations could be had 1 on 1 so my awkward conversation could at least not be overheard by 10 other people, but that is not an option except via email, which has its own disadvantages e.g. no way to spot that your request is going down even worse than feared and improvise some concessions

It sounds like maybe some structure to limit the third-guessing and procrastination could help? Seems like that might be somewhere you can exert some control. I've no idea how to make interaction less fraught, sadly.

Thanks, El Tomboto. What kind of structure? Setting myself stricter deadlines for tasks involving communication? I fear I am too bad at ignoring self-imposed attempts at structure but of course it's a good skill to practise and I should do more of that.

I used to have a boss who I could call on for backup if anyone wouldn't take no for an answer, but the current one is hard to get hold of and I don't trust him to fight our corner

A colleague is leaving at the end of the month and is "giving a leaving lecture" because he finds that less awkward than going down the pub. This is not an academic colleague, btw.

APS, Yes, like do one uncomfortable thing every other day. Alternate home/personal with work tasks. Treat it like exercising.

Deadlines aren't useful but habits are.

Also "every other day" can be it's own reward mechanism, in that doing the thing means you get to not do it the day after

This is a thing I need to do in many respects, so, good idea to at least try out.

Also "every other day" can be it's own reward mechanism, in that doing the thing means you get to not do it the day after

I like this thinking!

Scik, what's the leaving lecture going to be about, do you know?

I have found my previous traditional leaving drinks/pub lunches kind of awkward and embarrassing, but public speaking is actively horrifying and having to prepare a talk is exactly the kind of thing I put off forever, so no way would I swap.

I can't believe I just fucked up the apostrophe its

gonna give a lecture when i move out of my apartment

it's gonna be about DOOR-SLAMMING and HALLWAY VOICES

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/31901827_10157401265114148_6592763726934310912_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=b7eaafd442efd1f183e4d6ed59a52494&oe=5B9C1D2E

Yes, thank you (although I would argue that most meetings could skip the call step and go straight to email).

That you have to have someone call you so you can adjust the ringer volume on your office phone is actually pretty funny.

lol had to do that today after getting a new headset...was used to being able to do test calls on Skype for Business but now we're on Teams who know

Usually experience holidays as a kind of a They Shoot Horses, Don’t They non-stop marathon of talking by the extroverts.

Every boring story is another you’ve gotta hear this! Dick’s Picks version of “Dark Star.”