Kids say the darndest things

lol that genuinely sounds like our old downstairs neighbour (who was about 60 and had asked for the work to be done herself)

I told K that she had to follow my rule because "You are K and I'm the dad," and she said "No, YOU are K and I'M the dad"

AB! CD! ED! YEAH! YEAHYEAHYEAH!

Me, putting on a jumper only to discover it is covered in soup splatters:
"aw man, I cant wear this to work, its dirty! I look all grotty!"
7 y.o: "eh, you'll get used to it".

Xp

Sigh

http://youtu.be/lYIRO97dhII

yeah

Always love that clip.

More adventures in religious preschooling (K is now 3.5 so it's getting a little harder to navigate)

K: What are somethings that Hashem (God) gives to us?
Me: (trying to deflect) Well, there are many things to be THANKFUL for.
K: What things?
Me: Well, you know, like having a nice family, having food, having a place to live.
K: What else?
Me: How about...trees?
K: NOOOO!!!!! Hashem doesn't give us that kind of things!
Me: Well what does he give us then?
K: Toys!!!

Ella, unable to sleep, watched the first 15 mins of Back to the Future 3 with us

"I don't understand what's going on, but I like it!"

Me: Come on, we have to go. Get in the car.
Ella: (Incredibly enthusiastically) LET'S ROCK THE CASBAH!

some kid at the toy store last weekend was playing with a bunch of Thomas the Train toys and trying to tell me (at great length) about how coal-fired steam trains are better than diesel trains, cuz the diesel trains are mean. was preparing to blow his mind about how coal is possibly the worst most evil energy source in the world and diesel is much better fuiud but was distracted by Veronica asking me to explain a Calvin and Hobbes strip.

fucking Thomas, Thomas is a goddamn idiot is what he is

http://deadspin.com/why-your-childrens-television-program-sucks-thomas-f-732099029

lool Topham Hatt as Tom Coughlin

"knock knock!!"

"who's there"

"headface!!!!!!"

"headface who?"

"headface ON YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!"

...

Hank and I have been playing this game lately where we "Facetime" each other.

"Hey, Dad. Wanna Facetime?"

"Sure."

*SLAP*

_____

"Hey, Henry. Wanna Facetime Grampa?

"Yeah!"

"GO CARDS!"

*SLAP*

I... I just want you all to know that I don't really slap him hard or anything.

K: Tell a funny joke!
Me: Knock Knock.
K: Hahahahahahaha!

that's about the size of it

Ella, unable to sleep, watched the first 15 mins of Back to the Future 3 with us

"I don't understand what's going on, but I like it!"

― as verbose and purple as a Peter Ustinov made of plums (James Morrison), Saturday, September 12, 2015 10:28 AM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I had the same moment, with Amber, age three, the movie was "Blade Runner (director's cut)"

The opening scene is a wide vista of a city in the dark:
Amber: "Wooo! Scary!"
And about two minutes later she was asleep. So I had to take her up. Never did see that movie.

Overheard:

"We're going to listen to some underground music and it's going to be very loud."

I've never used the phrase "underground music" around my 5-year-old.

Update, she has amended it to "We're going to listen to What Does The Fox Say and it's going to be very loud."

Knock Knock Jokes Part Two (K Learns):

K: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
K: Orange.
Me: Orange who?
K: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Me: Good one!
K: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
K: Orange
Me: Orange who?
K: Orange you Olive Banana Orange?

<3

haha

V: do you ever get that uncomfortable feeling, like you're in a white room with all white walls and white furniture and white light and everything is white?
Me: uhhhh

yikes!

Like Mr Nobody in the isolation tank in Doom Patrol
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e56/tbondurant/dpv2_26_p18_thinking.jpg

*takes away Cream albums*

As I was leaving this morning, my bf yelled down at me from upstairs "dont forget your pills!"
7 y-o sitting in bed with him added "yeah and dont forget you're a BUTT!".

;_;

re: the white room thing - it came out of the blue so I was very taken aback (was she referring to a dream? something she saw on TV? something some other kid told her?) but after talking to her about it I realized she was referring to this album cover:
https://images.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-FZ48l-hdblY%2FTaTIHHXeyJI%2FAAAAAAAAACw%2FUATJNvYxlTQ%2Fs1600%2Fthe-juan-maclean.jpg&f=1

she likes the Juan Maclean a lot but is understandably weirded out by this cover

'I have dreams where I'm flying. They're a lot better than the dreams with the vampires.'

LOL Trayce!

JM just don't tell her that vampires fly!!

Henry has always had a litany of insults that's he lets fly when he's told not to do something. His latest?
'Mama you...you....you...TINY!!!'

nothing worse than being small

To a kid, for sure. As an adult I'm thinking 'wow thanks kid!'

The girls were making each other laugh in bed the other night with a series of "your butt is so big" jokes. My favourite was Lulu's "If you were in orbit around the earth your butt would still reach down into the inner core." They laughed for a long, long time about that one - I could hear Ava trying to ask "but how would you even... it doesn't make any..." I really want them to go to sleep in my flat once I've tucked them in on the sofa bed and give me just maybe an hour's peace watching something on the laptop or reading, but I'd rather have a laughfest than nightmares.

Apparently, at school, kids have started calling each other "wasteman". This made me chuckle. First appearance on ILX was on the rap/grime threads in 2005-06, and then it starts to appear in football discussions around 2012-13. Now in primary schools. Marvellous.

My kids love to tell yo mama jokes. Best one so far was Owen:

"Yo mama is so polite that she says 'your mother'"

inspired!

That just makes me think of this!

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e2/c7/24/e2c724d12f43be3deb45cb9cdd71a892.jpg

"Yo mama is so polite that she says 'your mother'"

― schwantz, Wednesday, November 11, 2015 11:55 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is a great joke!

Better than Ben's "Your mama is so square that Wyoming was like 'whaaa?'"

hahahaha

I don't think I can pick a favorite.

7 year old: "Daddy... can you look into your heart.."
Dad: "hmmm? for what?"
7yo: "for reasons. Look into your heart... for reasons. Reasons to get me some cheese".

LOOOOOOOOOOL going to use that.

that's brilliant!

glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ree-a!

in a Chelsea Stadium!

lol

My littlest kid keeps making up pretend mud puddles on all the places in our house where the rugs transfer to flooring and then back again. She nobly spreads her jacket over the mud puddle and then looks at me and says "May I ask...?" and I am supposed to daintily walk across and be polite and thankful when I get to the other side. Who says chivalry is dead?