important baseball tweets

@BarryBonds
How about that @AROD go-ahead grand slam last night? #Clutch

hahaha

https://twitter.com/billshaikin/status/641481111156035584

so chill

@MarcCarig
Juan Uribe just offered me a wad of chew soaked in Kahlua and honey. I tell Juan Uribe I'm working. Juan Uribe yells "JUST A LITTLE BIT!!!"

@Marlins
A note: @MarlinsPark concession stands are all out of Pepsi Perfect. All other Pepsi products are available. Apologies for the inconvenience

Make alternate plans.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CQ5Z7jBUcAAxrbM.png

https://twitter.com/CMBaseball41/status/662729655208685572

http://i.imgur.com/2RotSIZ.png

http://i.imgur.com/O9dkQBR.png

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CZRwVa3WcAE80kj.jpg

https://twitter.com/JohnnyCueto/status/690300168730742788

that's cueto hoss you got there

https://twitter.com/hunterpence/status/689525463773937664

#ad

https://twitter.com/AlexPavlovic/status/698580094843883520

@pedromoura
Dave Roberts and White Sox manager Robin Ventura took a picture together at Cactus League media day. “Black man and Robin,” Roberts said.

https://twitter.com/pabloozuna38/status/705057945890004992

https://twitter.com/TonyLaRussa/status/712716335780728832

http://i.imgur.com/RKe7IDn.png

that is brilliant.

http://i.imgur.com/XGT4zlB.png

dan haren @ithrow88
@JArrieta34 saw you gave up a run, hang in there. Thinking of you.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BE_2mY4Q6jg

#PuigNotScared

@LennyDykstra
Oh so this is Twitter? I can say whatever the fuck I want right?

right on time

lmk when he tweets himself out of the '86 Mets reunion on the 28th

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/mets/lenny-dykstra-live-tweeting-national-spelling-bee-article-1.2650815

@JoseCanseco
Make no mistake Brexit will crater the UK into recession and the pound will do a 25% faceplant. Capital will flee like its pants are on fire

obv an Economist reader

http://i.imgur.com/JsojfGq.png

https://twitter.com/keithlaw/status/776895750810767360

@darrenrovell
Andrew Miller says he hasn't washed his jock strap since his last bad outing on Sept. 7. That's 18 appearances and 51 days (H/T @BenReiter)

In unrelated news, Upper Deck is coming out with a limited edition Smell-o-vision series of cards featuring game used baseball equipment! Can't wait to check that out

I know two of the people featured in here: http://mashable.com/2016/10/28/mike-napoli-pooping-game-3

Sad that A's deleted their tweets as I fully support all the SmashMouth bashing.

http://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/page/QTP_161029SmashMouth/twitter-feud-oakland-athletics-smash-mouth-ensues-following-coco-crisp-world-series-hit

https://twitter.com/Noahsyndergaard/status/797100165110730752

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Czp-lzYUQAIuB_5.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Czp-lzYUQAAsgJF.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Czp-lzaUcAAbIQE.jpg

this is an apostrophe

Motivational speaker and author Aubrey Huff took to Twitter.

@aubrey_huff
I mean seriously what the hell is going on? If you have time 2 march, protest and riot. Maybe it's time for something called a job!

@jeffcdwyer
You swung a stick at a ball for a living. Fuck off.

‏

@aubrey_huff
@jeffcdwyer yeah not a lot of boys grow up wanting to do that! I'm such a looser for accomplishing that.

https://mobile.twitter.com/hayesdavenport/status/825913321668870144

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C4UDZl7WcAAPY7b.jpg:small

https://twitter.com/Smatz88/status/834175589695229953

https://twitter.com/Chron_MattYoung/status/834827079560601600

Gary you push through kids to get autographs for a living. I truly don't care my signature won't pay for your PornHub subscription anymore https://t.co/XOiWVyWFzQ

— Micah Johnson (@Micah_Johnson3) May 3, 2017

FENWAY IS CLOSING??? https://t.co/HikPSSYyDb

— DVS (@DVSblast) May 3, 2017

Happy "Loving" day pic.twitter.com/vgwPm0aipi

— Dexter Fowler (@DexterFowler) June 12, 2017

A 15-inch mound in a ballpark lit by 60-watt bulbs. Dodger Stadium in the '60s produced less offense than an Osmond Christmas Special. https://t.co/cMucrArcGV

— Joe Sheehan (@joe_sheehan) July 10, 2017

You, a nerd: why do you like baseball it's boring
Me, wise: cock like a ball bat pic.twitter.com/YsMAOMtCTH

— ak? they gay (@alyssakeiko) August 15, 2017

So Arpaio is free....among people he illegally attempted to detain. America's Toughest Sheriff? We're about to find out. Good luck, Joe.

— Michael Young (@MikeyY626) August 26, 2017

You sound like my agent trying to get me a job after my 2013 season with the Nationals https://t.co/15QaLwk1RI

— dan haren (@ithrow88) August 29, 2017

(his 2013 wasn't awful actually)

i saw jesse hit many home runs through the windows of the textile mill behind bill meyer stadium in knoxville tennessee when i was very young. one night he broke his bat and my dad asked the batboy if he could have it. quite a treasure now.

Excellent. He was awesome in '85 and '86--Rickey Henderson was better, maybe Dale Murphy, and that was it for outfielders. Years after I saw that game he was at the Skydome for autographs; I of course mentioned being there when he hit his 40th, and--as is usually the case with baseball players--he remembered the pitcher, the count, the pitch, everything.

I’ve been saving this anecdote for a story, but screw it. Too good to squirrel away.

Someone suggested Rays pitcher Tyler Glasnow try to get angry before starts. To do this, he would look at pictures of one person. He pulled out his phone and showed me.

It was Martin Shkreli. pic.twitter.com/TJHpgp1iTE

— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) December 21, 2020

oh my god

astounding

wow, that's a great anecdote

I’m fighting tonight for everyone who’s tired of Barstool Sports being on the internet

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 5, 2021

Luis Guillorme drew a 22-pitch walk in the 5th inning. Relive the entire at-bat right here 😤 😤 😤 pic.twitter.com/cS57po7ulf

— SNY (@SNYtv) March 14, 2021

i was there

watching on tv i mean

he's the guy that casually caught the flying bat a couple years ago

he rules

That’s nuts. Was that a fluke, or is this guy some quick-hands god?!

he is in fact a quick-hands god

i will give you this heavily cardinals-centered answer: that was jordan hicks' first appearance since 2019, when he had tommy john. the weird thing with him, his whole career, is that he doesn't have a high strikeout %, despite a 104 mph fastball and a wicker slider that's even better. it is bizarre. i am not a pitching expert or stats pro, i have no idea why this happens. but he has always been a pitcher that quickly gets to 2 strikes and then induces weak contact. he's awesome. i love him. he's great. but of all pitchers to have a 22-pitch walk, it's him

and it's pretty amazing that the average MLB player can at least make consistent contact on 104 mph

every time i watch him pitch, it's like a wholesome reminder that "these guys are good"

that is cardinals-centric, but also i feel like it might be more relevant than this 80 wRC+ rookie's contact skillz, that's right, sick BURN on the mets, i am officially RE-IGNITING the CARDINALS-METS RIVALRY, and i guarantee 100% cardinal victories this season, starting now, in spring training, right now

the METS do DRUGS

and the mid-80s cardinals do NOT do DRUGS!

luis guillorme is, by every measure for years on end, a defensive genius. also he caught that bat out of fucking mid-air.

dude would be a fucking folk hero in pittsburgh but instead he'll be quad-a fodder in syracuse

the mid-80s cardinals do NOT do DRUGS!

https://i.imgur.com/spdyfDE.png

Get his ass

*and my parents naming me Dick Staff.

Fixed it https://t.co/bZDGXI7Umn

— Noah Syndergaard (@Noahsyndergaard) April 9, 2021

Baseball fans need to watch more cricket and appreciate baseball's relative brevity

No thanks

T20 is basically the length of a baseball game, no?

It’s kitten season 😽⚾️ pic.twitter.com/4PTYhIWWuD

— Charlie Manuel (@CMBaseball41) June 10, 2021

You know what fucking time it is. https://t.co/T7BjGKiAby

— David Roth (@david_j_roth) June 28, 2021

idgi

“Remember Some guys” is a low level sports meme

Guess it hasnt made it to the old country yet

i have to admit, i had totally forgotten about puig and russell, and thought was A. Gonzalez had long stopped playing

feel like a Guy I Remember fairly often is Wilin Rosario, on account of i thought he was gonna be the next great hitting catcher at one point lol

Bob Melvin said he watches Friends reruns after losses. Seen every episode. So I had to ask: did Ross cheat on Rachel, or were they on a break?

"Don't even get me started on that," he said. "I do have some ideas on that but I'm not going there. That's a loaded question, Steve."

— Steve Berman (@BASportsGuy) July 24, 2021

Ha ha!

Chipper Jones raw dogged every Hooters waitress between Chattanooga and Tampa but scared of the jab? Make it make sense. Still love the guy but the math ain’t math-ing there!

— Everyone Hates Chris (@ckssense) March 12, 2022

loool

https://i.imgur.com/aFvAW3A.jpg

not fair someone should be that good at baseball and that good at twitter

Pour one out for the Rays’ ballboy pic.twitter.com/69fN1dU1mi

— Ben Palmer (@benjpalmer) July 16, 2022

Not baseball per se BUT

pic.twitter.com/KXyqUQEuI9

— meaning machine (@EricThurm) November 2, 2022

as soon as i read the first tweet i knew what the second would be

I'm sure Aaron Judge is reaching for his phone as I type.

Aaron judge I am getting ready for you let's see if you can hit a baseball as far as I can hit a softball I doubt that very much let me know when you're ready we'll do the competition for charity pic.twitter.com/riWXN8Z878

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 5, 2023

(Is punctuation considered bad form on Twitter, or is it that you're wasting precious character count? That tweet reminds me of 10,000 student journal entries I marked.)

real ballers don’t need punctuation

the lack of punctuation is just part of what makes him a Tru Poster

It's possible he was influenced by Ulysses.

if you're not for canseco, you are against canseco. and he thrives on competition, so watch out

I TROLLED JOSE CANSECO

His strikeout vs me this year shouldn’t count

— Andrew McCutchen (@TheCUTCH22) September 21, 2023