start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

Because they are fun to zoom around on?

my friend housesits for another set of mutual friends a lot & she is kind of dramatic about small things. every time she housesits she will do some dramatic facebook post about how "i couldn't find the cat at midnight & i was SO scared & looked for an hour but its ok i found her & now i need a drink"or "omg the cat got in a fight with another cat!! she's okay but omg I need to lie down"

i'm like DUDE. congratulations on housesitting but you're unnecessarily alarming your friends!! if the cat is ok then STFU on fb about it & just tell yr friends when they get home! jeezuz

but ppl who don't move their arms at all are satanic and hateful imo

I taught myself to walk moving my arms when I was about 12 because people had started to comment on it.

Obviously that was to hide my satanism and hate, but I'm not sure people can't tell anyway.

All kinds of new IA comes with having a baby:

like, when I'm out pushing a stroller on the sidewalk, is there a law that requires homeowners who come out of their houses and see me from a house or two away to jump in their cars and pull them back to block the sidewalk as they idle and look at their phones? Also, does the tough looking guy with the Tea Party Patriots bumped sticker who comes out on his porch to glare at me think I'm going to abandon my kid on the street to go bare-knuckle brawl with him?

Tourist woman stomping on my foot and staying on it as I walked through the market, she just stepping backwards without looking. I'm standing there silently annoyed and she starts saying something in a foreign language to her friend. Like I'm a pickpocket or something, not that she's mindlessly not watching where she's going.
You have to keep stopping suddenly as you walk through that market as people either stop suddenly or walk across your path suddenly.
& they tend to walk around in large spread out groups in a not very wide market street. So more, god aren't tourists annoying? Or maybe just, aren't crowds of people annoying.

This definitely qualifies as IA: Hate it when people talk about "creating memories."

LIke eating a cake and saying you're creating crumbs. I can't explain it properly, but it bugs me.

And this is outside of the whole schmaltzy aspect of that phrase too, which is a whole other story as well.

fuck memories

Next time I'm scrawling out a list and I'm asked what I'm doing, I'm going to say, "Making mem'ries!"

people who walk into movies late in groups, and then stare endlessly at the primo seats up top, scanning to see if there are five together.

Nah, you see them neck craney seats up front that are all but abandoned? those are yours, go sit in em and show up on time next time rather than distracting everybody.

any kind of restaurant that serves burgers and sandwiches but doesn't do fries. fuck you, and fuck your goddamn crisps.

http://33.media.tumblr.com/2cd42870a5423b4eeda3e5440245e692/tumblr_mtc05laCuf1rdzuduo1_250.gif

ok, from a real email

3pm (PDT)/6pm (EST)

the parentheses make it even worse

Wonder if smart-ass Arizonans ever send 3pm (MST)/6pm (EDT) emails.

When I put on my button down shirt without first buttoning the sleeves. Incomprehensible rage.

Relative time timestamps on posts.

I'm sure I've said it before, but it's gotten worse and worse over the years: restaurants that serve water with no ice. And at room temp. Why is this happening every goddamn where these days????DSLKFm

And I just got served a large lemonade with literally 3 cubes of ice in it. This is fucking AMERICA, where we pack the cup to the brim with ice and fill in the gaps with beverage.

I would tip more at a place if they held off on the ice a little bit.

The no-ice-water happens mostly at small artisanal-ish restaurants and it seems like an affectation. Like they're putting on airs with their tap water au naturel.

My grandmother gets so cranky when she doesn't have enough ice, so when I waited tables, if an old lady reminded me of my grandmother and ordered iced tea, I'd automatically bring her a supplemental glass of ice. It was like money in my pocket.

i kind of prefer water w/ no ice at a restaurant. the glasses are so small that if there is too much ice you only get like two sips of water

best is when they keep a bottle of water at your table

"ice" is the first three letters in "iced tea."

The places I'm thinking of are usually the ones that bring a carafe or hinge-top bottle of water to the table.

carl, I would tip you well for such foresight.

Oh, other recent irrational irritation: restaurants that don't put salt shakers on the table.

And the fact that the restaurant Owen & Engine in Chicago only has homemade ketchup, which tastes pretty much exactly like tomato paste.

Not technically inaccurate, as I've learned that 'ketchup' is something of a catch-all term that eventually came to refer to a very particular type of condiment but used to basically mean 'a sauce made of whatever shit you want to mash up'.

I dare a waiter to say that to me.

What are you putting ketchup on at O&E?

But I'm with you, housemade ketchup is the pits.

#heinz

Restaurants who put salt and pepper shakers on the table, but they are repurposed Corona bottles.

On the fries.

I've had decent homemade ketchup. One time at the restaurant where carl a. and I worked we had to make ketchup b/c we ran out. It turned out pretty well. But we were trying to make it like normal ketchup, not re-invent it.

xp are they? Or are they just made to look like the bottles? I've often pondered that.

yeah those come in a little set sometimes, with the plastic shaker tops and no beer to be seen

xp, the fries should be dipped in the garlic aioli. The ketchup is bad to force you to go to the far superior condiment.

Malt vinegar aoli!

It hurts to say this but the fries are too salty to go w/ the salty aioli.

malt vinegar 4ever

Xp I don't even know you anymore.

Right, malt viniger aioli! I stand corrected.

It is my favorite condiment.

"ice" is the first three letters in "iced tea."

― kate78, Wednesday, August 19, 2015 2:43 PM

#heinz

― Jeff, Wednesday, August 19, 2015 3:30 PM

bombs of truth

homemade ketchup, which tastes pretty much exactly like tomato paste.

They're doin it rong if thats what it tastes like.

Homemade ketchup is great bc you can pick your spot on the sweet vs vinegar spectrum

I prefer the more chutney-like homemade tomato sauces, like the ones with some seeds in, and a nice fruity balance of vinegar, sugar and maybe a lil spice.

Wondering how long a half pretzel had been lying where I had to pick up the contents of a change bag I'd just dropped had landed in an alcove created by the door join in a checkout booth. Do hope it was pretty recent but I think it had cobwebs on it.

But with housemade ketchups that restaurants prepare, you get no voice in the matter, it's just up to the whim of the chef. When eating out with ketchup, I seek consistency and familiarity, not experimentation.

i added boredpanda art section to my bookmarks the other day after someone linked to some nice art there.

but after two days i HATE the first person titles to the articles.

"I Illustrated A Swirly Yoda With Different Art Tools"
"I Will Paint People’s Hopes And Send Them 730 Paintings For Free"
"When I Have Free Time, I Pick Up A Pencil To Draw My Favorites Celebrities"
"I Used Only A Pencil To Draw This Dancing Girl"

i always end up thinking 'whoop-de-doo'. *only* a pencil? your *favourites* *celebrities*?

The new microwave at work continues beeping even after you open the door.

oh that would drive me nuts

What is the point of opening the door on time then.

Glad I don't have college roommates anymore, that's all I'm saying.