Transport in London is shit

Almost never use the District going East - I think the last trip I took was Mile End -> Upton Park ARGH the WAITING - but it's a fucking nightmare trying to get to someplace like Chiswick, especially on the weekend.

I'm OK with the Central line (and had better be, with Holborn station on my doorstep) because it gets me to Notting Hill Gate in under 15 minutes.

Northern Line in the '90s still haunts my dreams, it's all CORRECTION CORRECTION CORRECTION to the point where flatmates back then called it the DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTION.

As someone who lives near Seven Sisters, and whose interests bring me to King's Cross, Oxford Circus, Victoria and Brixton, the Victoria line is basically perfect. It even regularly punishes those who live in Walthamstow!

I also live halfway to Manor House, and was excited upon moving in at the idea of having access to the Picadilly as well - needless to say rarely use it unless I'm heading to Leicester Square - and even then it might be better going down to Green Park and changing. I used to change at King's Cross but as far as I can tell that's just a massive pain wheel these days, generating industrial quantities of frustration and tedium for some infernal purpose.

Ooh, I discovered London Reconnections when Googling for information on the makeshift replacement bridge they built at Lewisham St John's after the fatal crash in the late 1940s - and which is still somehow there, almost as a monument to past calamity

It's a great website and I kept the link - here, if you'd like to take things overground and read about a strange and unfashionable little station that most people regard as an inconvenience: http://www.londonreconnections.com/2013/st-johns-part-2-world-war-ii-to-the-current-day/

Changing at Finsbury Park takes almost no effort, but the Piccadilly is slow, so that's a dilemma. I'd change at Warren Street if I were you (three stops on the CORRECTION line is not so bad).

The Victoria line has always been quickest; my friend C who was brought up in Turnpike Lane imparted this to me as SCIENCE FACT.

but the Piccadilly is slow ... The Victoria line has always been quickest

The Piccadilly is noticeably slow. When travelling from Heathrow or environs to Manor House/Turnpike Lane (where I live/drink) I have often wondered if it would be quicker to get off at Green Park, switch to the Victoria, and rejoin the Piccadilly at Finsbury Park. I'll have to time it some day. I know it's quite a long walk changing lines at Green Park, which is a drawback.

thanks, Fizzles, for that excellent article!

There must be some sort of lifehack to make a transfer at Green Park quicker.

like the shortcut to the central line at oxford circus

the scumbags (roughly 70% of the population) who insist upon putting their feet on the seat opposite

I guess they can't have seen those delightful and hilarious illustrated rhymes politely requesting them not to!!!

Am still utterly bamboozled by Kings Cross transfers since the redevelopment. Victoria line to surface level is always a ten mile hike, yet I'm sure I've once or twice found some secret entrance which somehow makes the reverse journey 90% shorter.

things they need a twee rhyme for:

-standing on the right
-stopping at the top of the escalator
-stinking of body odour and or shit

standing on the left i mean, i swear i'm not one of them

nyc has signs telling people to take their backpacks off, another thing london needs, instead of some bullshit about dumping newspapers (this is annoying but not as bad as people smelling or being thick)

Never noticed any issues with Victoria-to-surface at Kings Cross - I do it every day.

The Northern escalator has reopened, though, so there's finally an end to that ridiculous walk.

Ok I think I've figured out the kings cross conundrum (with the aid of someone else's hard work): http://stations.aeracode.org/#kxx (click on the kings x st pancras victoria line button) - look at that huge long passage from the right (north) end of the victoria line platforms to the northern ticket hall - that's the underground hike of doom which I find myself taking every time to get up to the mainline station. But it looks like there's a single escalator from the south end of the platform up to the eastern ticket hall.

Does this help?
http://www.buzzfeed.com/bkjmiller/how-to-win-at-kings-cross-station-and-not-be-take-a0ii#.ljzxRPjEl

now you've gone and made me laugh at buzzfeed. but yes, that's it.

I love that! WALKING WALKING WALKING WALKING WALKING

London Reconnections made the rounds at the start of the year with their exhaustive breakdown of the massive delays around King's Cross / Finsbury Park over Christmas.

http://www.londonreconnections.com/2015/know-run-story-behind-xmas-kings-cross-problems/

This is very useful. Esp as I'll be catching a 7am train from Kings X tomorrow and I do not expect to have a luxurious amount of time when I get off the Vic. Back of the train, head up to Eastern ticket hall - got it.

haha that is funny - that corridor is the fucking worse, nobody obeys any sensible rule of passage and it's just dog eat dog madness

worst*

I do all of these shortcuts already -- after 30+ years of using London Underground, every journey has the possibility of a new iteration: a different carriage, a different exit, etc. Shaving 10 seconds off a trip becomes a major victory (especially if you do that trip every day).

Also you need to work on your parkour skills for walking down a corridor in the wrong (but quicker) direction without massively pissing off the people walking towards you (cf. the corridor at Finsbury Park, using the "No Entrance" entrance to get on the Northern Line at Tott Court Rd, etc.)

Ace In The Tube

walking down a corridor in the wrong (but quicker) direction without massively pissing off the people walking towards you

outrageous, can we get a twee rhyme against this

when walking through our maze of hell
make sure you read the tube signs well
cos if you travel the wrong way
you are a disgusting savage

when travelling on the central line
drinking wine, feeling fine
before you reach out to grab a bar
ask yourself, do i stink of body odour? should i have washed my clothes or myself at any point in the history of my vile life?

walking in the wrong direction
might get you where you want on time
but though you have the best intention
you might annoy others which is a terrible crime

*shoots self*

what are the existing ones for? not moving down? discarding papers? is that it?

Is there one for holding doors open? I don't mind the rhymes as much as the terrifying twee smiley faces tbh.

the rhymes and the drawings are the same evil beast for me

we're in the age now where a black and white sign that said DON'T HOLD THE DOORS OPEN, IT DELAYS THE TRAIN would be welcome

in the age or at the age

little from column a little from column b

there's one about trying not to be violently sick all over the carriage, and to hold it in until the next stop if at all possible

though you might be violently ill
it would be much politer still
if you could wait until the next stop
before puking the contents of your guts up

^ my own work, v sorry to all and to TFL also

Don't vomit
On the tube carriage floor
That's what
The night bus is for

The Northern escalator has reopened, though, so there's finally an end to that ridiculous walk.

aw well you missed out on finding the fun shortcut for this one, which they eventually started marking, so if you followed enough 'no access to the northern line' signs you'd find a 'northern line this way' sign

I noticed that on Sunday, when I had to get to the Angel before a set time, couldn't bus it because I needed to reload my Oystercard and was worried about WALKING WALKING WALKING between Piccadilly and Northern lines. It was *concerning* how happy it made me not to have to deal with that palaver any more.

xposts

a few years back i was on the tube at christmas, like the last week paean to sodom and gomorrah, going from oxford street to bethnal green. and there was this one guy who was a shell of himself, like swaying everywhere, hanging onto the bars, most of the seats were full but it was just me and him in the space by the doors. anyway he began to lurch a bit more and soon by about holborn he puked out the doors when they opened. it was horrible but ultimately the mood i was in i felt kind of sorry for him, there were few people getting on, i guess when they saw him.

anyway we got to like chancery lane and he did the same thing, puked out the doors. then this american guy who was sitting down was like "dude that is fucking disgusting, don't puke on the goddamn TOOB" (i swear he said it like this) - and the guy could barely speak, he was prob trying to say i'm sorry but he was locked inside his own body, and this american got him and really berated him, then took like an empty mcdonalds bag off his gf and was like "dude that is fucking horrible, puke in the goddamn bag, you're a fucking mess" etc, really obnoxious.

so i decided this was a bit off and i told him to leave him alone, he's obviously in bits etc, he doesn't need a lecture. and the american was like "oh you think it's okay to puke on the goddamn TOOB, oh yeah you do?" and i was just thinking get a life or whatever.

anyway there was that silence that descends after somebody speaks to another person on the tube and i was sort of basking in at least having told this moron off. a minute had maybe passed when the american guy's gf just gurgled and puked all over the floor.

when i asked him, as i exited, if he should perhaps ask our friend for the mcdonalds bag back, i almost felt like there had to be a god.

I've been using the lift shortcut for the Northern line - eventually they added some kind of guilt trippy sign to it, like "Do NOT use this unless you're disabled or old"

xp LOL karma!

xxp justice! Though possible puking guy was the cause of puking gf?

could be i guess. it was definitely that real lairy time of year, possibly the last thurs or friday before xmas

That is a story, that stays with you.

yeah it's definitely in my fairly competitive top 10

TOOB

silly americans, we all know it's pronounced 'choob'

The district line is like meandering conservatory, with a slightly weak but pleasant ale on the table

For those who have never traveled through the underground yet open air line, here is a short section near Sloane Square

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVlr24zD_KQ