ecstasy

i came to the same conclusion, though i never did e nearly that often, even. perhaps my well is just not that big... though i kind of saw it as my mind learning to adjust to the rush of happy feelings and no longer interpreting them as "real joy," so while a lot of the pleasurable effects were there, particularly in regard to my experience with music, i could no longer participate in the wide-eyed positive social vibes--it's like my tendency toward a melancholic, apathetic disposition learned to see through the drug and was like no way, self, you don't get to have fun that easily. i still love the stuff, and i'll do it again in the future, but i'll prob keep it to once a year at most.

relate to what you say a lot - some deeper more reticent self became so assertive before and after taking it that it cast a shadow over whether to take it at all, so when it used to be an automatic yes if someone offered it, it became an automatic no, eventually. and that was kind of the end.

even if it's not as good now - i still can enjoy it if i pick the right times. also i can stay out at clubs pretty late/early without need for drugs...

Ah here it is

here you are!

you go to your hometown. you watch a game with family and friends. you learn nicky siano is playing at a club in the city. you go. you get home via an awkward and maybe eventually kind of delightful cabshare - all australians. and then home. having been rejected right at the door of a party of friends' friends *strangers"

it's a what might have been - a real global communication time.