ecstasy

! you need to do ecstasy in Ibiza. i mean, where else would one do it tbh?

― surm,

suburban west Miami.

truth.

with sunglasses obv.

i basically did e once a week or more from about 2002-2005 (lol mental health), so like i've had my share. but more and more as i get older (and maybe attitudes become ever more liberal) i see that many many people have an ecstasy phase, like even people who would have prob thought it was like some dangerous habit when i was 18 - like jock types from school you'd suddenly see out in dublin some christmas and they've all discovered this magical thing and are dancing badly etc, or different people from where i grew up. i have started to see drugs more as a sort of well that you can draw from, with a finite amount of joy in it. my sister has a phd in drug abuse (i mean diff to my one lol) and when i was 19 and doing drugs all the time she used to worry and wonder if i would ever stop etc, or if it would get worse, which even then i found mostly ludicrous, though i wasn't able to see a future in which i wouldn't be doing ecstasy every weekend. i know now that that's crazy because of this well idea - there's only so much you can draw from the well. i mean everyone's is a little different and has a different combo of substances in there, but equally it doesn't surprise me, and kind of has a nice life symmetry to it, to see people who were more straight-laced or under control are now having their wilder time.

agreed on those comments. i have like definitely had my share too and the regular use is no stranger to me. i went through a phase where i would have just a weeeeee bit daily. the well analogy is a good one: you have to know yourself, and the possible dangers.

i came to the same conclusion, though i never did e nearly that often, even. perhaps my well is just not that big... though i kind of saw it as my mind learning to adjust to the rush of happy feelings and no longer interpreting them as "real joy," so while a lot of the pleasurable effects were there, particularly in regard to my experience with music, i could no longer participate in the wide-eyed positive social vibes--it's like my tendency toward a melancholic, apathetic disposition learned to see through the drug and was like no way, self, you don't get to have fun that easily. i still love the stuff, and i'll do it again in the future, but i'll prob keep it to once a year at most.

relate to what you say a lot - some deeper more reticent self became so assertive before and after taking it that it cast a shadow over whether to take it at all, so when it used to be an automatic yes if someone offered it, it became an automatic no, eventually. and that was kind of the end.

even if it's not as good now - i still can enjoy it if i pick the right times. also i can stay out at clubs pretty late/early without need for drugs...

Ah here it is

here you are!

you go to your hometown. you watch a game with family and friends. you learn nicky siano is playing at a club in the city. you go. you get home via an awkward and maybe eventually kind of delightful cabshare - all australians. and then home. having been rejected right at the door of a party of friends' friends *strangers"

it's a what might have been - a real global communication time.