ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (five years ago) link

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (five years ago) link

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (five years ago) link

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (five years ago) link

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (five years ago) link

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (five years ago) link

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says -

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (five years ago) link

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (five years ago) link

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (five years ago) link

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (five years ago) link

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (five years ago) link

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (five years ago) link

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (five years ago) link

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (five years ago) link

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (five years ago) link

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (five years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (five years ago) link

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (five years ago) link

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (five years ago) link

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (five years ago) link

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (five years ago) link

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (five years ago) link

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (five years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (five years ago) link

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (five years ago) link

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (five years ago) link

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (five years ago) link

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (five years ago) link

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (five years ago) link

We are in a good patch - a whole fortnight of sleeping right through. Oh please, please, please let that be it.

Madchen, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:36 (five years ago) link

One day Molly will start sleeping through. Maybe when she starts school in September, maybe that will tire her out so much that if she stirs she'll just drop off again, rather than padding through to our room.

vickyp, Friday, 17 July 2015 09:13 (five years ago) link

My sister-in-law is in the hospital giving birth to twins right now, and my sister's water just broke. I could have three nieces/nephews born on the same day.

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:56 (five years ago) link

Woah!!! That's so awesome, NA

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:59 (five years ago) link

Big birthday parties in your future

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 17 July 2015 16:00 (five years ago) link

Babbies everywhere!

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 16:05 (five years ago) link

Yay babies!!!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 16:57 (five years ago) link

So our least favorite daycare teacher let Ivy play outside in the hot hot heat while wearing a dirty dirty diaper (Ivy, not the teacher) and then let her hang out in her hot dirty diaper for who knows how long because her "coworker forgot to remind her to change diapers," which you know what, fuck you, lady, (we're changing daycare in August so I opted not to make a big deal just in case this asshole decided to make Ivy's last weeks difficult) but point being Ivy has some wiiiiicked diaper rash rn.

The best cure for diaper rash being to air out the booty, she was spending some time going commando around the living room. I was keeping an eye on her because the last time we indulged in post-bath naked baby time she peed on the floor a little yet I somehow missed the immanent Number Two until I spied an actual turd creeping out from between her cheeks (I yelled "Oh shit! Literally!" of which I am inordinately proud). Luckily I was folding laundry at the time and had the presence of mind to grab a pair of underpants to catch the turd before it fell onto the white chair Ivy was standing on so it could have been worse.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Saturday, 18 July 2015 21:50 (five years ago) link

Anyway toddler parenting achievement unlocked: I caught a fresh turd.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Saturday, 18 July 2015 21:51 (five years ago) link


schwantz, Saturday, 18 July 2015 21:52 (five years ago) link

lol thank you

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Saturday, 18 July 2015 21:58 (five years ago) link

I remember pulling out a fresh hot turd from the ass of one of our kids when s/he was constipated

droit au butt (Euler), Saturday, 18 July 2015 22:10 (five years ago) link

Hehe, giggling aloud, thanks Ivy.

Madchen, Saturday, 18 July 2015 22:12 (five years ago) link

now there's a girl scout badge

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 July 2015 22:31 (five years ago) link


I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Saturday, 18 July 2015 23:34 (five years ago) link

my baby poops yellow dippin' dots. i gather this is normal and good.

an asteroid could hit the planet (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 19 July 2015 00:16 (five years ago) link

time to rent a mall kiosk, i guess

an asteroid could hit the planet (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 19 July 2015 00:17 (five years ago) link

New baby poop is a wonderland of weirdness.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Sunday, 19 July 2015 03:58 (five years ago) link

Also congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Sunday, 19 July 2015 03:58 (five years ago) link

When we started trying solid food we had a couple episodes where Cecil wouldn't poop for three days then produce what looked like solid perfectly round golf ball made of feces and lawn clippings. One of these rolled out of the diaper and onto the changing table which was gross but fascinating.

joygoat, Sunday, 19 July 2015 04:59 (five years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 19 July 2015 04:59 (five years ago) link

My (12yo) daughter had good grades going into the last quarter. As and Bs.

Yes, she could have brought some of them up, but... why? Like, none of us could think of a reason. Pretty much every school-age kid in the world has an asterisk placed against this year anyway. And given the inequality concerns (kids without access to tech and internet access, kids in less stable homes, kids with less privilege and less fortunate parents, etc.), we didn't press.

Keeping the connections open, fostering mental health, practicing self-care, doing creative stuff,, maintaining friendships, and the pressing need to focus on social justice instead? Those are all way more important than a bunch of bullshit busywork math worksheets anyway.

Frankly, smoking pot and hanging out with friends is exactly what I would be doing if I were a teenager right now, so I am not really in a position to judge her.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:43 (two months ago) link

The younger one did take advantage of the fact that she knew I was locked up in a Zoom meeting all afternoon yesterday so that she could spend a couple hours watching Minecraft/Sims/etc Youtubers instead of going back to her school work after lunch. But mostly she's been honest.

peace, man, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:47 (two months ago) link

The task of parenting full-time, working full-time, running a household, while ALSO being the principal (and the only teacher) of a home school was impossible on its face.

It was and is impossible, and we knew that going in. (For the nerds: Kobayashi Maru.) So everything you are doing, or not doing, is right.

My younger (9yo) child is intellectually disabled. Normally he is in full-time special education. He needs to be walked through each assignment in real time.

Ordinarily he has a 1:1 aide; now it's just us. So we treat school as low-pressure best effort. If he uses scissors correctly once a week we are ecstatic. If he dresses himself 2 out of 7 days we throw a party. This is our life now.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:55 (two months ago) link

part of the stress was i was mostly focused on getting the kid's grades up to passing level, but my wife was trying to get them to finish every single assignment and get straight a's. we ended up splitting the difference.

na (NA), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:58 (two months ago) link

Yeah, we're lucky that my wife is an elementary school librarian, so she can ride herd on the boys while I work in the litterbox room.

DJI, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 17:02 (two months ago) link

'Home-schooling' my difficult Y9 boy is so fucking hard. He's so detached and apathetic, and so combative and confrontational with any sort of outside input, that every school-related interaction tends to go only one way. I deal with kids like that in class all the time, but it's contained, I can cajole and have a few sticks to beat them with. Home here, I don't have any of that - beyond 'fine, don't have your X-Box' but that's so old and I feel like a prick doing it over and over again. Plus, he's 14 and I was a useless oaf at 14, so am continually letting myself off, by proxy.

My 11yr old daughter is a breeze in comparison: conscientious to the point of madness.

I'm a teacher and my missus is a nurse. I'm currently teaching pretty much full-time (remotely). Short version: fuck this.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 11:48 (one month ago) link

ime y9 boys are the worst, no offence

kinder, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:09 (one month ago) link

Our 5 year old is lashing out like crazy. Screaming in our faces when she doesn't get what she wants, saying what she wants over and over and over again. We're starting her in tele-play therapy and we're taking parenting classes online to figure out how to deal with it. We've handled it as well as we could until yesterday when even their mom snapped. It is extremely hard to be measured and cool when someone is angrily screeching as loud as they can a foot from your face. I have taken to wearing earplugs. Yesterday I took video of her meltdown and showed it to her after she cooled down. She hid from herself.

Our ten year old doesn't get enough attention because the younger one needs so much. We've been cooped up together since schools shut down and it feels like our brains are melting. My parents live out in the country and aren't taking the virus very seriously so we've been avoiding them but yesterday was enough. They're going to my parents for a week tomorrow because we can. not. take. it. any. more.

I feel like a big part of it is that the 5 year old hasn't been around other kids in months and she's burnt out on other people being bigger than her, telling her what to do. We wrestled with what to do in July when we have to go back to work. The kids REALLY need to be around other kids but cases in Houston are going up. So we're hiring a nanny. It's starting to feel like child abuse to keep them away from other kids. Knowing that all of this is going to drag on longer because Greg Abbott has no commitment to the public health is beyond frustrating. If schools don't open up in August as planned I don't know what the fuck we're going to do.

I love my kids so much but when my mom takes them away tomorrow I will be overwhelmed with relief.

Cow_Art, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:20 (one month ago) link

My 5-year-old is the easier one, but he's a social person and two months away from his peers hasn't been great for him either. We actually sent him back to school this week, and while I generally think of him as the better behaved kid, the house feels a lot calmer and easier to deal with without him here, and he's loving being at school too. I mean, I also hope he doesn't bring back the coronavirus.

Anti-Cop Ponceortium (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:26 (one month ago) link

she's burnt out on other people being bigger than her, telling her what to do.

This was absolutely the case with us. Living under home-behaviour rules 24/7 is a lot for a kid – they need a chance to find themselves and test boundaries and do kid-mischief, which are all things that are hard to do while the parental eye is permanently open. Ours figured that out for himself — he wailed one day "why do I never get any alone time??". And he doesn't actually want to be alone, he just wants to be in control.

We started giving him sole occupation of the living room for a bit, so he could just, y'know, do the 6-year-old equivalent of mooch-and-veg. It helped, but nothing like school going back. The effect of that was really dramatic. He was Christmas levels of delighted after the first day back.

stet, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 14:24 (one month ago) link

I very much agree about them needing peer time. The main problem with my boy is that he doesn't want face-to-face peer time. He suffers from (as yet undiagnosed) anxiety, which is currently manifesting as extreme OCD and germophobia, so is extremely reluctant to leave the house. He's had counselling in the past but covid has sent his OCD stratospheric so christ knows what we'll do to help him readjust. His current routine is to battle with us for a few hours about homework and then play his Xbox with his mates. If I close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears I occasionally convince myself he'll be OK.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:07 (one month ago) link

And aye, kinder, objectively Y9 boys *are* the worst.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:15 (one month ago) link

We took a calculated risk in allowing our son to go to his regular babysitter two days a week. We agonized a lot about it but it has been a lifesaver, allowing us to get some work done and just frickin get a break from his demands.

He's always better behaved for other people than for us. There's a joke about how dogs have owners; cats have staff. It does seem like to my son, a babysitter is an authority figure. Mama and Dada are staff.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:38 (one month ago) link

(mis-post deleted)

stet, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:41 (one month ago) link

chinaski, sorry that was meant to imply that they get better when they're no longer yr9 boys!

kinder, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:41 (one month ago) link

That's what I took it to mean, kinder - here's hoping! I see (well, saw) upwards of 80 Y9s every week and have a range of archetypes. My boy seems to be a new archetype; may indeed be a new species, as yet undiscovered by science.

I'm suspicious of the way educationalists use neuroscience in a hand-wavy way, but I'd love to get a look inside an adolescent's brain, just to see what the actual fuck is going on. I bet it's like the Somme in there.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:50 (one month ago) link

We have let our teen go out to see his friends since the beginning of this. He has one group that he was hanging out with, and they spent a couple months building bike jumps in one guy's backyard. It was not ideal, but I've known from having to ground him a few times recently that keeping him in the house really effects his mental health. And I know from arguments in years previous about wearing bike helmets and wearing shorts in 30 degree weather that he's way too stubborn for me when rationality doesn't prevail.

We've kept the daughter with us and tried to give her as much space as she needs. She has used this space to obsessively watch video game youtubers. We'll take her out on walks to her favorite places around the neighborhood and stuff. Last week she got to see two of her friends and it was a great little test run. One family only let us hang for a brief 15-minute outdoor visit. The other one we spent an hour or two at one of our local beaches.

peace, man, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 17:47 (one month ago) link

There's an Australian play called "year 9 are animals" which we studied when I was in high school :) Its true!

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 11 June 2020 06:13 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

I'm so happy. We bought my teenager a drumset last night. Used, off of one of his friend's parents. Some cheap no-name brand that doesn't even exist anymore, as far as I can tell. But he's in there practicing and trying to figure things out now. I had really been worried about how he's been spending his free time, because other than building bmx jumps in the woods, his hobbies have sort of consisted of smoking pot, CS:GO, watching Netflix, and being at anyone else's house other than ours. He played violin for a couple years in elementary school and I showed him how to play Smoke on the Water or something once on guitar, but that didn't really stick. I love the sound of kids making music.

peace, man, Tuesday, 30 June 2020 12:18 (one month ago) link

That is awesome!
My 5-year-old has been having piano lessons with my mom (a piano teacher) a couple of days a week for the past few months and he’s reading music now! So he’s officially learned to read music before he’s learned to read words ha! I’m fine with that.

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 21:42 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

I think my kid took the piss out of me for the first time today. She’s ten months. She snatched the book I normally read to her out of my hands, opened it out, and started “reading” to me in a mock-pompous voice.

Chuck_Tatum, Friday, 17 July 2020 19:20 (three weeks ago) link

get used to it!

scampo, foggy and clegg (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 17 July 2020 19:49 (three weeks ago) link


DJI, Friday, 17 July 2020 20:22 (three weeks ago) link

My 11yr old (going on 25yr old) tagged me in her Instagram story today as the 'most boring person in her life'.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Friday, 17 July 2020 20:48 (three weeks ago) link

I mean, she's probably right but OUCH.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Friday, 17 July 2020 20:49 (three weeks ago) link

hahaha lmao

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 17 July 2020 20:53 (three weeks ago) link


kinder, Friday, 17 July 2020 21:01 (three weeks ago) link

I’m down to only two teenagers today, like, forever. It’s weird.

Joey Corona (Euler), Friday, 17 July 2020 23:13 (three weeks ago) link

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