Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

daaaaamn

I'm back out there. Reopened an account I closed last year, really need to clean it the hell up. You'd think my self-presentation would be a little more stable across less than a year but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hopefully some stories for the thread denizens soon

update: deleted all the vague boring semi-twee personal shit and changed my username

Not to Upright Mammal, I hope.

it's good

museum of the poor souls in purgatory

so you signed up

promising 5.5 hour first date, now living the cliche of who contacts whom next. Feeling like it should be him as he messed up timing of date 1 and then start time of rescheduled date 1.

It SHOULD be but he will doubtless mess that up too so save yourself the anxiety of waiting.

yeeeeeah maybe on Wednesday or so? date was Friday.

So. Date was Friday and he suggested a second date at the end of it, specifically, coffee and a walk. I texted him on Monday (did not hold out any longer despite above bravado) to suggest a location. Now it is Wednesday.

All his previous communications about timing screw-ups have been very effusive and apologetic, so it seems a bit out of character to just disappear. There's always the Lost Phone Possibility, but nah. He has (of course) looked at OKC since Friday, so he hasn't fallen under a bus. Is it even possible to just straight up not notice a text?

I guess it's more likely that he is a gaslighting fool. If I haven't heard by the weekend, would it be too demeaning to write and say 'I'm taking the silence as 'I'm no longer interested', correct?'

yeah don't write that

yeah :/ almost impossible to get the tone right.

Technology enables people to be new and exciting types of asshole, expressing any emotion about it is a sign of weakness. Welcome to our shitty future.

ljubljana - make your own plans for the w/end if you can, assuming the worse. If he gets back you can always put him back a week later.

Yeah, I'll definitely make my own plans in the meantime. I'm just wondering whether it's even possible that people actually manage to miss texts.

may be possible but essentially no

No.

Also this person can always log on via a laptop and email something.

a fool imo

^

yeah. ugh, frustrating.

yeah. you are all OTM. I may message something for closure purposes in order not to imagine myself in a dating sitcom where he thinks I wasn't interested enough to contact him (he was kind of effusive about me at the end of the date, I didn't know what to say back and just said yes, it would be nice to meet again). But in all overwhelming likelihood a fool.

Setting up another date to distract myself.

not you -- him!

effusive is sometimes lovely! but...i've become cynical about this. sometimes that kind of enthusiasm can be a weird manipulative thing.

effusive & also flaky? yes, write this guy off.

hope new dates are less confusing/frustrating.

the effusiveness isn't reliable. when I'm nervous I do that and it's a reflex; totally unrelated to how I actually feel.

this sucks ljub, i'm sorry.

i have to say, tho: "so it seems a bit out of character to just disappear." i dunno about that; it's in-character for anyone to just disappear. the "rules" as they have been drilled into me are that after only 1 date nobody owes anyone any communication.

This guy only just sounds flaky. Which, you know, even though he's into you and you're into him, would you even be prepared to put up with this kind of shit?

I'm the kind to miss texts if they pop up while I'm doing something and I already have another one unread so my Unread indicator doesn't trigger anything for me.. but I'm a total flake

I was in a similar situation a couple months ago, wherein after an endless string of obviously "ehh" dates w/ various people I met thru OKC, I actually had a really fun one wherein there was some uh anecdotal evidence to suggest I was safe in assuming we'd have another, then when I texted her I got no reply ever. I asked multiple friends independently if a followup text would be at all warranted and received multiple independent HELL NOs so I left that shit alone. It STILL kinda bugs me tbh

The other bit of recent OKC fun that has led to my latest long break - about 1.5-2 months ago I started msging with this girl who seemed almost cartoonishly cool, and after a volley of unusually long messages I asked if she'd be down for a meetup, and she said sure but she didn't even know my name! So we exchanged names, and then...just kept talking. Reliably messaging back and forth every 2-3 days, in longform (by OKC standards). Then after a while I brought it up again and she said she'd be moving to a new place and visiting family for the following week or so, but definitely when she gets back. I figure I should wait to see if she actually cares enough to message when she returns. Then she does indeed send a message upon returning, like clockwork, but again makes no mention of a meetup. After a couple more messages it becomes clear that she expects a third ask? Or to keep avoiding the idea forever?

I uh disabled my acct instead. I foresaw no good end.

you were right

i've had two incidents on the site where i struck up a convo with a really cool looking person who seemed initially enthusiastic about meeting but when it came time to nail down times & places clammed up and then eventually deleted (or blocked me, i think it looks the same). i suspect phishing? or something shady? i suppose it's hard to differentiate it from run-of-the-mill pre-dating inertia, but in both cases they were "new to town" or the similar users section was all women from some other part of the country. i've been off it for a while now, that was def a reason.

is it me or is this site basically dying? being killed by tinder? i've peeked in every now and again with a friends' dummy account and the userbase seems way smaller and more stagnant than what i remember when i first tried it.

lol it hadn't even occurred to me that it would look to her like I blocked her. oh well!

In these parts there seems to be a lot more people on POF, which looks kinda scary to me tbh

always lovely when someone turns out to be married to a convict & not where they claim to be, esp after you've online dated them for half a year

xxxp I think it varies a lot by region

I keep hearing stories about how certain cities have almost a single demographic flooding okc, like... polyamorous goths

always lovely when someone turns out to be married to a convict & not where they claim to be, esp after you've online dated them for half a year

did this happen again? you really need to let ILX vet all your persons of interst imo

i suspect phishing? or something shady?

i dunno think there is actually a discernable pattern in online dating in which people will send a flurry of messages and reach an intimacy threshold and then withdraw. an entire relationship cycle can happen through text and email.

lol sic nah, just harking back

current okcupid thing almost reaching a year! vet that ilx

have you met in person?

did you get your laptop back yet?

77 ffs (yes) (and yes)

whoops, feel free to request a delete

xps:
mookie, I know you meant him! You always have my back when it comes to comradely disapproval of the fools I meet online once they start acting foolishly.
FFM, oh shit, you've validated my concerns
JuliaA, yes! Effusiveness CAN be manipulative, and that has made me think about the over-effusiveness of his text apologies for double booking and being late and so forth. They did strike me as strange.
goole, yes, you are sadly probably right about the rules/no rules after the first date, and this fits in with what fhazel says about reflexive effusiveness... fhazel, what do you find yourself saying to people? I can sympathize with this, I go the other way and it's just something I can't seem to help.

This guy is a fairly famous creative person, as it turns out. I won't elaborate as the specific pursuit + my location would make him not too difficult to identify, at least to someone who (unlike me) knows anything about this particular creative pursuit. Anyway, point is: way to reinforce flaky-ditzy artsy stereotypes, famous arts person!

Well now we're dying to know who it is!

I'll email you!

he is from the nineties

ok now i'm curious too

(my post was joeks in case that wasn't obv)

La Lechera, it is not very exciting tbh but I've emailed you too...

is it geddy lee

fhazel, what do you find yourself saying to people?

I think I just sort of go into blind date mode, where you're making an effort in a way that isn't dishonest but is definitely a performance? And it can turn into a kind of reflexive enthusiasm. So at the end of the night when they say they've had a nice time and let's do it again, I sort of automatically agree. Or I'll say that first because even if I don't like them, it's just too rude to say so, even indirectly. And honestly, usually I can't even really tell after just two or three hours!